Monday, April 21, 2008

Is That Your Foot In Your Boot Or Are You Happy To See Me?

Richard Quest is a CNN reporter whose official CNN bio describes him as "one of the most instantly recognizable members of the CNN team." (OK, I had no idea who this guy was, but "instantly recognizable" could have more than one meaning. I get that. And here's a picture of him just in case "instantly recognizable" means something different for you as well.) Well, he's now recognizable for more than just his hollering antics and news reporting, as he was arrested in Central Park on April 18 with drugs in his pocket. Oh, and a rope around his neck that was tied to his genitals with a sex toy in his boot. Wait. What?

All of that is according to the fine folks over there at the NY Post, whose headline screams "NETWORK CNN'S QUEST A VERY KNOTTY BOY". Nice job, Post guys.

Apparently, Quest was arrested around 3:30am, which is when the park is closed. (Well, according to all of the signs posted around the park that say "Park Closed 1am to 6am" the park is closed at that time. Other than that, it'd be hard to know.)

According to the NY Post, the officer at the scene was able to ID the drugs in Quest's pocket as methamphetamine because of "his prior experience as a police officer in drug arrests: which led to his "observation of the packaging which is a characteristic of this type of drug." (Do drugs have different packaging characteristics? I mean, other than small little Ziploc-like baggies? Or some sort of cellophane or plastic wrap? I don't think that they differentiate in the drug world as to what packaging goes with which illegal substance. But maybe. I suppose. I don't know any crack dealers that I can call for verification of this, so it's really just speculation on my part.) But really, the main characteristic that led the officer to identify the substance as methamphetamine was Quest saying, "I've got some meth in my pocket." Yeah, that would be a pretty big clue.

Quest was charged with loitering and your basic possession of a controlled substance. He wasn't charged for his, um, device? Contraption? Penis Rope-Boot-Toy Combo Fun Set? Well, whatever it was, he wasn't charged for it because he wasn't exposing himself. So that's news you can use, eh? Have any set up or goings on in your pants and foot coverings, just don't show it or THAT to anyone and you're good to go. (And please do!)

Quest was once offered a job working at Al Jazeera. That's the network that is always broadcasting the bin Laden (aka Weird Beard) tapes when they come out. He turned that down because he didn't think he would fit in very well over there. You know, with his being gay AND Jewish and all. (No, I should say not.) And as you can see from the picture on the left, it would be extremely difficult for anyone to surmise that he is gay and/orJewish.

The CNN website also describes Quest with "his dynamic and distinctive style has made him a unique figure in the field of business and news broadcasting." Getting busted for meth? Not so dynamic. Getting busted for meth with a penis noose? That definitely qualifies as a "distinctive style" (though not what I think that CNN had in mind when they composed that description). Getting busted for meth with a penis noose and a sex toy in your boot? Priceless. There are some things you just can't make up. For everything else, there's the NY Post.

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