Crash survivor describes chaos. (I am familiar with the term "chaos". It doesn't really need further explanation. I don't know that there's an undiscovered form of "chaos" out there, but OK.)
Man falls to his death (Well, I didn't think he would have walked.)
Bush shifts on climate change (Shifts what? Wait. Never mind.)
Martha Stewart's dog dies (Are you kidding me?!)
The toxic charge of elitism (It used to be that "elite" was good. Now "elite" is bad. Or at least toxic. Wait. Is "toxic" still bad?)
Man arrested in ricin case (The one that started over two months ago? Glad to see you're on top of that.)
Iran: September 11 just an excuse (For what? Having September 12?)
iReport: Man cave essentials (If CNN is just now catching onto the "man cave" concept, it's worse than I thought.)
X-Files' movie title announced (It should come as no surprise that the title has "X-Files" in it. Shocking, eh? Oh, it's "X-Files: I Want To Believe", as in "I want to believe that this is NOT on CNN's Most Popular stories list.")
Norah Jones tries acting. (Well, at least they said "tries".)
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