Monday, April 14, 2008

When You Care Enough To Be Ridiculous

Look, I'm not your typical "greeting card person". Sure, I'll give a card once in a while. It will usually be sarcastic, but chock full o' good intention. Maybe I'm not much of a "greeting card person" because there are so freaking many of the cards to choose from! There are at least a bazillion. And for me, too many choices or too many decisions makes my head spin. I like things simple and spelled out for me whenever possible. Just don't spell them out the wrong way other wise we're going to end up with a fiasco like the one in Portsmouth, NH. Cyndi Desrosiers
Cyndi Desrosiers was in a Hallmark store in Portsmouth and saw a greeting card that she claims promotes sexual promiscuity to teenagers. Well, I think we can all agree (provided we're not the teenagers) that encouraging teenagers to be sexually promiscuous is really unneeded, as they need no encouragement to have sex. (Really, all they're looking for is opportunity and they can take it from there. And they will.) But I don't think that we can all agree that Ms. Desrosiers is sane. I base that statement upon viewing the card that she is freaking out over. The crappy image above shows Ms Desrosiers holding the card in question. Below, is a better image where you can see the front of the card with two hands holding wine glasses which are half full of red wine (maybe a Pinot, possibly a Burgundy) and the words "Pardon me..." (Polite. I like that.) The inside of the card reads, "Care for some liquid clothes remover?" Wait. What? Hallmark Card Wine GlassesOK, someone is making quite the leap here in order to end up with the conclusion that this card promotes "sexual promiscuity" to teenagers. If anything, it promotes horrible pickup lines to replace the very tired, "Can I buy you a drink?" I must say, even I am a bit surprised that someone could come to that conclusion with what would seem to be very little effort. What surprised me even more, however, was that this woman has an 18-year old daughter. (I was kind of leaning toward perhaps the woman had never had her clothes liquid-ly removed and was bitter and alone, but apparently, that's not the case.) Naturally, she said, "I would just die if someone gave this to her." Yeah, well, that might be true, but let me tell you something. See, when your daughter does get suggestive cards from prospective suitors (ie, horndogs who want her enough to see if a card will do it), she's not going to share them with you. No, our sex lives are the kind of things that we don't share with our mothers. You might think we tell you everything and that you know everything about us. Trust me. You don't. Trust me. You know nothing about us. Nothing.

She also expresses her displeasure that the card is part of Hallmark's "Red" line of cards, the proceeds of which are supposedly donated to help fight AIDS in Africa. Now, while the card clearly DOES NOT promote teenage sexual promiscuity, it does imply that there is a desire for some sex to take place at some time. (And just because there isn't a condom floating in the wine, that doesn't mean that it's promoting unsafe sex in Africa or on any other continent.) She might have a point there, but I don't think it's much of one if any. Care For Some Liquid Clothes RemoverBut, I'll tell you what, Hallmark sure does know how to handle a potential crisis like this woman. The salesperson at the store, upon learning of Ms. Desrosiers issue with the card, promptly removed all of the cards from the rack and offered her a refund. (Hopefully, the salesperson put all of the cards back after the woman left. But nice job at dodging conflict.) The salesperson also offered her a refund (although I'm not sure what she was refunding, as I can't imagine that this woman bought this card), but Ms. Desrosiers declined and the salesperson said that she would donate her refund to charity. Now THAT is some PR right there, Hallmark. Wow. When you care enough to kiss the customer's ass. Too bad it didn't help.

Naturally, this woman had to go to another Hallmark store and see if they carried the card. They did. She complained. Repeat as needed. And if you can't go around to all of the Hallmark stores, then just call Hallmark and ask them to remove the card from it's none-existent line of cards that don't promote teenage sexual promiscuity. Oh, and please, start an email campaign asking others to protest something that doesn't exist as well. So she did.

Hallmark said the card wasn't directed at teenagers and said that the card could be given in any number of situations (none of which was teenage sex). No word on whether or not Hallmark was removing the card from it's line. I am SO hoping it won't give in to something that is based on something so subjective and so ridiculous. That's just going to open up the door for every nutjob out there to say that they are offended by a card and that the card needs to be pulled from the shelves. (All employees at American Greetings will suddenly be jamming Hallmark Customer Service lines with their complaints. I can see it now.)Back of Hallmark CardPromiscuous sex or not, how can it be directed at teenagers when there is wine on the front? Legal drinking age in this country is 21, Ms Desrosiers. If it's promoting sexual promiscuity, then it must also be promoting underage drinking, right? How come you're not complaining about THAT? (Oh, wait, because you can go out and have a drink whenever you want but you can't go out and...oh. I get it. Bitter, are ya?) Another thing, the card seems to have everything spelled correctly and all of the words seem to be in their original form. That is not the writing style of the promiscuous teenagers that Ms. Desrosiers claims this card is directed at. Now, if the card had read, "Yo. 'Sup?" on the outside and if the inside had read, "UR 6Y DO ME" THEN she might have a point. But it's not and she doesn't. for some wine?

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Anonymous said...

LOL I love your final comment!!

Mare said...

Thank you. Wine and greeting cards for everyone! And thanks for reading!