Sunday, April 20, 2008

Generally Peeping

Robert E. LeeSo when you hear the name "Robert E. Lee" what or who do you think of? The Confederate Forces? The Civil War? The General of the Confederate Forces during the Civil War? Convicted Sears manager/peeping Tom? Wait. What?

With all of the apologies possible to the late Gen. Lee, any historian, any Civil War buff, and anyone else with an aversion to public masturbating/peeping Tom (-ing?) by department store managers, a one Robert E. Lee of Henrico County had converted a service platform above the ladies' dressing rooms into what was described as "a makeshift masturbatorium". (Now that's a description you don't hear everyday!) From the "masturbatorium", Lee would watch women disrobe to try on clothes. He was discovered when a young girl in the dressing room happened to glance up and see him looking through the ceiling tiles. Fortunately, she was sharp enough to know that no one was supposed to be looking through the ceiling tiles into dressing rooms and reported it.

The police were called and when they searched through the "masturbatorium" they found and recovered "sexually explicit magazines" and "seminal fluids" Ew! Ew!! Ew!!! (Dude, what's with the magazines? You've got live females right below you and you still are going with the magazines? I guess no one ever said that people who do stuff like this are real bright.)

Robert E. Lee, the pervert, not the General, pled guilty to two counts of "peeping". (I would have thought they would have had a different name for it, but it's called "peeping" there in Henrico County. I don't like it. It makes me think of those little marshmallow chicks being violated in ways that no Easter treat should be treated.) Of course he's being sued. Of course two different people are suing. Of course the lawsuits seek $1.35 million each. And of course Sears has been named a co-defendant. (You don't think ol' Pervy McSpanks-a-Lot has that kind of cash, do you? If you're ever going to see a dime from stuff like this, make sure you sue someone with money. Otherwise, you're just telling your horrific story for all the world to hear...for free.)

Keith Marcus is the attorney doing the suing. He says, "We have a young girl who has been traumatized. She’s seeking counseling. It’s something that will take some time to resolve. Given the defendant’s conduct, I believe it’s warranted.” Is she traumatized? I'm sure she is. Is she $1.35 million dollars worth of traumatized? I doubt it.

Of naming Sears as a defendant as well, Marcus says it is warranted because, “Sears has to monitor their employees. You can’t turn a blind eye to what your employees are doing and it was obvious this had been going on for a while.” No, you can't turn a blind eye. But you might GO blind if you keep doing that! So stop it before it's lights out!

And you'll be happy to know that even with the two "peeping" convictions, Robert E. Lee (again, pervert, not Confederate War hero) will not be on the state sex-offender registry because "peeping" is a misdemeanor offense and you must "peep" and be convicted at least THREE times before the state of Virginia considers you to be a sex offender. Hmm...interesting. I wonder how many times you can do something like this before you're considered just a basic pervert? (The answer is ONE if you're asking me.)

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