Saturday, April 26, 2008

I Don't Know What Time It Is For Free

It seems like every other thing that you hear, see or read in the news is about the US economy and the ever looming question, "Are we in a recession?" (What I don't understand is why no one seems to know. Isn't that their job? Isn't that what economists are for? Why all the confusion? I don't get it.) That's the one main worry. The other one (other than, "How do we tell?") is "What if we are?" (The second question has roughly the same meaning as, "So now what?") But it doesn't matter if we are or we aren't and you shouldn't even bother trying to figure it out or worry what might happen if someone does figure it out and it turns out that we are. Why? Because of the most expensive, most useless product to sell out within 48 hours and have the purchasing public clamoring for more. Behold! The Romain Jerome "Day & Night" watch!:

That's a fine timekeeping specimen right there, isn't it? Sure, it looks fan-tabulous but, you know, the thing about a watch (and you can think I'm silly for thinking this) is that it's really supposed to tell you what time it is. I can't see the purpose of a watch that doesn't tell you the time. But that's what the "Day & Night" watch is all about. Wait. What?

According to the Romain Jerome website "With no display for the hours, minutes or seconds, the "Day&Night" offers a new way of measuring time, splitting the universe of time into two fundamentally opposing sections: day versus night.” Um, I'm thinking that it splits the universe of people into two fundamentally opposing sections: Those who are late and those who are not. What is the point of this again? Oh, that's right. To build a watch that doesn't tell time out of steel that has been salvaged from the Titanic. Huh? WTF?

Several styles of Romain Jerome watches are made partly with steel taken from the Titanic on the ocean floor and with steel taken from the shipyard where the Titanic was built. No word on how, when or if any of that was possible, so just do the reasonable thing (for a person who wants a watch that doesn't tell time) and just take their word for it.

Now, for something so completely useless, the company did put some thought into fancy-schmancy parts and mechanisms. Since the "watch" doesn't have any hands, they've instead gone with a a “contemplative tourbillon operation whereby the ‘Day’ tourbillon operates for 12 hours to symbolize working life, while the ‘Night’ tourbillon takes over afterward to represent an individual’s private time." OK. If you say so. BUT IT STILL DOESN'T TELL TIME!!

But what does this have to do with the recession? Look, if there was a recession in the US and if the floundering US economy was driving down other economic markets in the world, then this watch would not have sold out in 48 hours. Especially with it's $300,000 price tag. That is correct. The watch that doesn't tell time is three hundred thousand dollars. W. T. F.??

According to CEO, Yvan Arpa, "Anyone can buy a watch that tells time — only a truly discerning customer can buy one that doesn't." Oh, my God. (Translation: Anyone can buy something that works, but only a true moron will buy something that doesn't.) But wait. Unfortunately, there's more.

Another Romain Jerome useless and overly expensive timepiece is the Titanic DNA which showcases the "T-oxy Concept" which is defined as "Between the forbidden and the ephemeral." (Oh, "ephemeral" means short lived or lasting for only a day. What a novel idea for a watch. If "novel" means "ridiculous." ) "The T-oxy Concept represents both the culmination of a preposterous idea and the most extreme form of a particularly sophisticated concept. This exceptional timepiece is a completely rusted high-watchmaking timepiece designed using non-stabilised rusted steel from the Titanic. Don’t wear it! The T-oxy Concept can only be admired under its glass dome filled with argon. Release it and oxygen will carry on its destructive work where it left off. Warning: extremely corrosive model, non-guaranteed."

Don't wear it? Don't take it out of it's argon-filled glass dome? It's completely rusted? But it's a watch, right? OK, then. I'll take two. (No I won't! What the hell?!) But wait! Yep. Still more!

From the RJ website in their "Accessories" section (actually it should be "Accessory") there was just this odd looking box with the description: " 'Safe of Legends' was created for the enthusiastic followers of the concept “DNA of famous Legends” and especially of its first homage, Titanic-DNA. It has been created for the privileged few. This special item will only be available to those who purchase a Titanic T-oxy III Tourbillion. They alone will be able to obtain this atypical work. The uniqueness of this item lies in what is inside. Sealed inside this safe will be the identity of the next 5 DNA Legends. Five separate drawers contain encrypted envelopes. These envelopes are sealed, and at a convenient point in time, they will reveal the next legend to it owner. " At a convenient point in time? How in the hell is it going to know what time it is, especially if it's using one of these watches?!

I guess this whole thing turned out to be one of those "Good news/Bad news" kind of a deal. The good news is you shouldn't worry about the recession that may or may not be. The bad news is that there are far too many soft headed individuals in the world who have a ridiculous amount of money that they are just dying to piss away in a manner that they believe makes them look cooler than the rest of us who know what time it is. The only way they would look really cool to me is if they put on a helmet. Soon.

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