The Reselling of a Scumbag's Ill Begotten Items

Let's see what scumbucket Bernie Madoff spent everyone else's money on, shall we? After all, almost 200 items went up for auction yesterday. All items which were bought with other people's money had been seized from Bernie's three luxury properties that he bought with other people's money (you know, the money that he stole via the biggest Ponzi scheme in the history of the world). Here is just a sampling of some of the things that Madoff made off with.

Here we have a NY Mets jacket with 'Madoff' stitched onto the back. Oooh! How cool were you, dude? What exactly did you think wearing that would accomplish? Did you think that folks were going to look at the 70-ish old you wearing that jacket with your name on the back and think that you played for the Mets?!

Here we have some of his wife's jewelry. This would be three pairs of diamond earrings and a diamond and an Edwardian-era (who the heck is Edward? He has an entire era?!) emerald bracelet. Isn't that bracelet the kind that one would see on loan and on the wrist of a celebrity at the Academy Awards or something? Who owns something like that? Ruth Madoff is (was) who.

Speaking of Ruth (you remember her. She's his wife who claimed to know nothing about her husband's scheming ways. And she felt so badly about what he had done that when she was being evicted from their property, she asked if she could take her furs with her. Yeah, she clearly felt terrible about the whole thing. Bitch.) and her furs, here they are! Minus Ruth, of course. From my count, there are at least ten furs in that picture. Look, no one needs ten furs. I don't think that anyone even needs one fur, really. How many animals are running around naked right this very moment because they had to give up their fur for those coats?? What's that? Dead?!!? Good Lord, it's worse than I thought!

Here is a cigar box and a cigar box bag that it would appear Madoff had made up for some little jaunt off the Montauk in 1993. What is with that logo on that bag? Did some 5th grade class do that for him? Who has bags made for their boxes when they're going on vacation? I've never done that. It not only seems silly, it seems like it would take up a great deal of my time to get accomplished. (Then again, looking at that logo, it doesn't appear as if a whole lot of effort went into this idea. That's what will happen when you're pissing away someone else's money. You don't give a fat rat's ass what you spend it on. After all, it's not your money.)

Here are a couple of his boogie boards with his name wrote on them with permanent marker. What? Was he afraid someone was going to steal them? Oh, no! Then he'd have to go out and buy new ones and who can afford something like that these days?! (Um, probably people who are operating a Ponzi scheme so big it's only through the incompetence of the SEC that they don't get caught sooner.)

This is an appropriate item. This is a Rolex watch that was available to British prisoners of war during World War II. It's name is the Rolex Monoblocco, but it's nicknamed "The Prisoner". How appropriate for Mr. Madoff, as that's exactly what he'll be for the rest of his life. The prisoner. Dumbass. By the way, did I mention that this was only one of several Rolexes that he owned. Not just watches, but Rolexes. I didn't? He did. Own several. At least ten were up for sale at this particular auction. Un-believable. What a jackass.

And finally, we have what I find to be one of the more appropriate pieces of the Bernie Madoff era. This would be a life preserver for one of his boats, seemingly named The Bullship. That's just way too close to bullsh*t for it to just be a coincidence. Pretty accurate, I'd say. Everything that guy did or said was all a bunch of B.S. Hopefully this auction will net a large sum of money. It will never be enough to pay back all of the investors who lost the billions that he siphoned from them, but something is better than nothing. And he has a buttload of more things that can be sold, so look forward to more auctions in the future. Now, if we could only look forward to Bernie being someone's bitch in prison, that would be restitution!

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I Don't Know What Time It Is For Free

It seems like every other thing that you hear, see or read in the news is about the US economy and the ever looming question, "Are we in a recession?" (What I don't understand is why no one seems to know. Isn't that their job? Isn't that what economists are for? Why all the confusion? I don't get it.) That's the one main worry. The other one (other than, "How do we tell?") is "What if we are?" (The second question has roughly the same meaning as, "So now what?") But it doesn't matter if we are or we aren't and you shouldn't even bother trying to figure it out or worry what might happen if someone does figure it out and it turns out that we are. Why? Because of the most expensive, most useless product to sell out within 48 hours and have the purchasing public clamoring for more. Behold! The Romain Jerome "Day & Night" watch!:

That's a fine timekeeping specimen right there, isn't it? Sure, it looks fan-tabulous but, you know, the thing about a watch (and you can think I'm silly for thinking this) is that it's really supposed to tell you what time it is. I can't see the purpose of a watch that doesn't tell you the time. But that's what the "Day & Night" watch is all about. Wait. What?

According to the Romain Jerome website "With no display for the hours, minutes or seconds, the "Day&Night" offers a new way of measuring time, splitting the universe of time into two fundamentally opposing sections: day versus night.” Um, I'm thinking that it splits the universe of people into two fundamentally opposing sections: Those who are late and those who are not. What is the point of this again? Oh, that's right. To build a watch that doesn't tell time out of steel that has been salvaged from the Titanic. Huh? WTF?

Several styles of Romain Jerome watches are made partly with steel taken from the Titanic on the ocean floor and with steel taken from the shipyard where the Titanic was built. No word on how, when or if any of that was possible, so just do the reasonable thing (for a person who wants a watch that doesn't tell time) and just take their word for it.

Now, for something so completely useless, the company did put some thought into fancy-schmancy parts and mechanisms. Since the "watch" doesn't have any hands, they've instead gone with a a “contemplative tourbillon operation whereby the ‘Day’ tourbillon operates for 12 hours to symbolize working life, while the ‘Night’ tourbillon takes over afterward to represent an individual’s private time." OK. If you say so. BUT IT STILL DOESN'T TELL TIME!!

But what does this have to do with the recession? Look, if there was a recession in the US and if the floundering US economy was driving down other economic markets in the world, then this watch would not have sold out in 48 hours. Especially with it's $300,000 price tag. That is correct. The watch that doesn't tell time is three hundred thousand dollars. W. T. F.??

According to CEO, Yvan Arpa, "Anyone can buy a watch that tells time — only a truly discerning customer can buy one that doesn't." Oh, my God. (Translation: Anyone can buy something that works, but only a true moron will buy something that doesn't.) But wait. Unfortunately, there's more.

Another Romain Jerome useless and overly expensive timepiece is the Titanic DNA which showcases the "T-oxy Concept" which is defined as "Between the forbidden and the ephemeral." (Oh, "ephemeral" means short lived or lasting for only a day. What a novel idea for a watch. If "novel" means "ridiculous." ) "The T-oxy Concept represents both the culmination of a preposterous idea and the most extreme form of a particularly sophisticated concept. This exceptional timepiece is a completely rusted high-watchmaking timepiece designed using non-stabilised rusted steel from the Titanic. Don’t wear it! The T-oxy Concept can only be admired under its glass dome filled with argon. Release it and oxygen will carry on its destructive work where it left off. Warning: extremely corrosive model, non-guaranteed."

Don't wear it? Don't take it out of it's argon-filled glass dome? It's completely rusted? But it's a watch, right? OK, then. I'll take two. (No I won't! What the hell?!) But wait! Yep. Still more!

From the RJ website in their "Accessories" section (actually it should be "Accessory") there was just this odd looking box with the description: " 'Safe of Legends' was created for the enthusiastic followers of the concept “DNA of famous Legends” and especially of its first homage, Titanic-DNA. It has been created for the privileged few. This special item will only be available to those who purchase a Titanic T-oxy III Tourbillion. They alone will be able to obtain this atypical work. The uniqueness of this item lies in what is inside. Sealed inside this safe will be the identity of the next 5 DNA Legends. Five separate drawers contain encrypted envelopes. These envelopes are sealed, and at a convenient point in time, they will reveal the next legend to it owner. " At a convenient point in time? How in the hell is it going to know what time it is, especially if it's using one of these watches?!

I guess this whole thing turned out to be one of those "Good news/Bad news" kind of a deal. The good news is you shouldn't worry about the recession that may or may not be. The bad news is that there are far too many soft headed individuals in the world who have a ridiculous amount of money that they are just dying to piss away in a manner that they believe makes them look cooler than the rest of us who know what time it is. The only way they would look really cool to me is if they put on a helmet. Soon.

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