Monday, February 4, 2013

Beyonce's Crotch XLVII

Whelp, the Super Bowl didn't end up exactly how I had hoped it would.  Yeah, it went pretty much the opposite of what I had hoped.  So let's talk about something game related, but not the game itself because that was just terrible.  What about the halftime show where that nice stripper lady came out and practically pushed her vagina flat up against the camera lens for everyone to practically see all of her parts in HD?  Yeah, that was something.  What's that?  Oh, come ON!  You can't be telling me that you didn't catch Beyonce's act at halftime??  Let's talk.

Now, this is a sporting even that over one hundred million people in the United States watch.  That's a lot of people.  And it has become such an event that it has become customary to have some sort of viewing party to watch the game.  A Super Bowl party, if you will. I find these to be relevant points to make because all that was missing from the halftime show was a stripper pole and that's not really what I was expecting to see.  Here's just one shot of what would end up being many view of Beyonce's crotch.  Behold! 


 
Holy cat.  That's not exactly what I'd call family friendly.  Not that the Super Bowl is supposed to be family friendly, but considering how many families probably watch the thing, a little family friendliness couldn't hurt.  And I'm not being a prude here.  I'm not saying she should come out in a parka or anything.  But maybe some pants!  Or something that covers at least half of her nether regions!  (By the way, if you were wondering about her legs, they were constantly like that throughout the entire show.  I don't know if she has rickets or is just permanently bow-legged from riding horses (or Jay-Z), but for some reason, her knees were never within 12 inches of each other.  Maybe it was a contract thing.) 

Do you know what it's like to have a stranger's vagina shoved into your face in HD when you were least expecting it?  It's surprising to say the least!  Could someone please explain to me how this is just fine and dandy, but seeing Janet Jackson's nipple for 9/64ths of a second (Yes!  9/64ths!  That's all it was!  And we're still talking about it nine years later!) is an abomination against humanity?!  With all of the thrusting and gyrating and spinning around that she was doing, it was nothing short of soft core porn.  All she needed was a disco ball and a pole and people would have started throwing dollars at her. 

I find it interesting that this whole show starts out with a very demure singing of our national anthem.  No one is showing off their vagina at the beginning of the game.  But by the middle of the game, suddenly there are no rules and everything goes.  How come we don't start things off like this?  It would really rile up the crowd and get them going for the game!  Maybe we should think about that.  A little crotch thrusting to really get things hummin'!  Uh, yeah.  No.  Can we go back to ancient bands from the 70s at halftime?  I'll take their old wrinkled faces in HD over Beyonce's pornographic pelvis any day.  




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