Wednesday, April 30, 2008

All Of These Women...They're So Confusing

I thought that if you were a lesbian, you just were. I didn't think that someone else could claim to be the "real" lesbian and then sue you for being the, um, artificial (?) lesbian? The impostor lesbian? Well, apparently, you can. But in this case, you're going to have to be one uptight and cranky bitch to do so.

The fine folks over there at news.au.com are reporting that residents of the island of Lesbos (it's Greek) are suing a gay group because the Lesbos residents insist that they and only they are the real Lesbians. :::sigh::: (I find it disappointing that it's going to be a bunch of angry lesbians in a room together and it will not be erotic at all. What a waste of perfectly good lesbians.) Oh, the residents? Yeah, there's TWO of them. TWO. (Does that even count? I mean, I know that lesbians tend to travel in flocks like geese (or just work their way around their circle of friends for their partner du jour), but don't you have to have more than two in order to claim that you're a "group that is suing"? (Or is it a gaggle? A flock? A flock of lesbians? No. No, that's flock the lesbians. Never mind.)

The lesbian duo of Lesbania Lesbos are suing the Greek Gay and Lesbian Union, otherwise known by it's acronym OLKE. Wait. What? (How is the Greek Gay and Lesbian Union also called OLKE. Shouldn't it be the GGLU? I'm so confused. Lesbians are confusing.) Lesbo A and Lesbo B (as they are known in unofficial court documents, those being this blog) claim that they now are suffering "psychological and moral rape" from the "seizure" of the name of their island by the thieving gays. This statement was made by a one Dimitris Lambrou (who claims to be an "activist", but with no word on what he activates) in a text titled "The Misfortune of Being Lesbian." WAIT!

The "misfortune"? Misfortune. I've heard it called lots of things, but that wasn't one of them. Then again, I can only imagine Mr. Lambrou's social life if HE is calling the art of being a lesbian (and believe me, it's an art. A fine art. One which you can practice for years and still not get it right when you try to implement it. Trust me on that one.) to be a "misfortune." I'm sure HE thinks it is a misfortune....for HIM. The lesbians? Well, when things are good, we're feeling pretty fortunate. No, wait. It's when things are going good we pretty much fornicate. That's it. I always get those mixed up. Where was I? Oh, right. The rape and the seizure.

And while I have NO idea what in the world "psychological and moral rape" could possibly mean, I will make an attempt to explain the other one to the litigious activist. Dude, if there's any "seizures" going on between a couple of lesbians, well, I'm going to let you in on a little secret...it's supposed to be like that! If there is a "lesbian seizure moment" occurring, well, one of them is doing something really right to the other one. Don't worry. It's a seizure only in the best sense of the term. And it's really good if it's the "search and seizure" kind. Well, from what I hear (and vaguely remember).

The island of Lesbos is where the poet, Sappho, lived during the early sixth century BC. She expressed her love of other women (She really should think twice before doing that. Really.) with lyric verses. Lyric verses. Huh. I'm picturing something like "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. You're a girl and so am I. Let's go off and be gay." (I'm sure it's close to that, but you get the general idea.)

OK, I cannot imagine what this guy's angle possibly could be. This makes absolutely no sense. You're going to have TWO chicks from some Greek island say what exactly? That they are precious little snowflakes who are offended by those of us who are out there enjoying ourselves with others (who are remarkably like us!) who are enjoying themselves with us as well? HOW is that a court case?!?! It's not! It's not a court case at all! It's barely a conversation! Get over yourselves, ladies. And sir. In fact, get all over yourselves, ladies. And let him watch. All of you will soon forget why you ever thought this lawsuit was a good idea in the first place.

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"The misfortune of being a Lesbian" referes to the inhabitants of Lesvos island and not the homosexual women. In other words "Lesbians (=inhabitants of Lesvos Island) are misfortuned"... and not the homosexual women.