Bork, Bork, Bark!

I think we've all been lonely at one point or another in our lives. But now, with society immersed deep within The Internets, there are plenty of cures or solutions for that loneliness. There's craigslist. There's Match.com. There's eHarmony. And in the case of one fellow, there was the pound. Wait. Ew! Wait. Wait! What now?

Meet 21-year old (and old enough to know better) Laszlo Arsenio Horvath. Behold!

According to the Orlando Sentinel, Mr. Horvath was arrested back in July after he took his dog, an 8-year old whippet named Silvy, to the vet. The dog was suffering (probably literally) from various injuries (of which I will let you connect the dots provided forth in this tale) and Mr. Horvath, rather than pay to have the dog cared for by the vet, declined to do so and instead abandoned the dog. Silvy was later put down.

Apparently, when an animal croaks it in the care of a vet, the do a pet autopsy (a necropsy) on the creature to determine the cause of death. In this case, there was an unexpected twist in the investigation when the necropsy revealed human DNA inside of the dog (again, I'm going to let you put two and two together). This, aside from being unexpected, was illegal. I realize that may be surprising to some of you considering it was in Florida that this sordid tale occurred, but apparently they do have some common sense down there and they actually do forbid this sort of activity. Thank God. (Again, however, you wouldn't really know it if you've either a) encountered many Floridians or, b) read this blog.)

Anyway, Horvath was subsequently arrested for sexing up his whippet (and not in a good way) and was sentenced to house arrest. That was in July. Fast forward to October 22nd when he went back to court. Well, good news! He gets to attend culinary school! Wait. What??

Correct. Culinary school. See, apparently, being on house arrest was a bit of a cramp in Mr. Horvath's style. See, he claimed that by having to stay at home all of the time, it didn't enable him to get a job or attend school, specifically culinary school. To which I say, by God YES!! YES, that IS what "home confinement" or "house arrest" means! It means, by the nature of the term "home" and/or "house" that you do not get to go anywhere! Good Lord, was I just almost defending Flori-duh a few moments ago. I believe I was. I take that back. It's still Flori-duh and there's a reason why stories about dog rapists come from there. What is wrong with people?

You know where else would have made it difficult for Mr. Horvath, the dog rapist, to attend culinary school? That's right, jail! JAIL makes it really difficult to go out and attend culinary school! How come this guy isn't in jail?! That guy in South Carolina who was serial raping that horse was in jail! Why isn't this guy in jail? Oh, right. Flori-duh. Duh.

The Sun-Sentinel reported that Mr. Horvath, after confessing to sodomizing the unsuspecting whippet, said that he did so "because he was lonely". That, naturally, leads back to my opening statement of how there are services out there for the lonely that do not involve canines nor the sodomization thereof! But I guess perhaps the "loneliness" might have been taken into consideration when allowing this sickass to attend culinary school. Perhaps the hope is that he'll meet some two legged mammal there which will willing have sex with him. Granted, if they ever find out about his previous girlfriend, there probably won't be a huge chance for a whole lot of sweet, sweet lovin' in his future, but you never know. Again...Flori-duh.

But before I get to the best part, let's briefly review. We have a guy fornicating with his dog to the point where the dog needs to be put down. The guy is on house arrest for said doggiemization. Clearly, this is an individual with some serious issues and the apparent lack of ability to distinguish between man and beast. Now he's being sent to culinary school where he and all of his good judgment will be surrounded by knives and other sharp objects (hopefully which his fellow classmates will use to arm themselves with after julienning their carrots). With me so far? Good.

During the hearing, "prosecutor Steve Kerestes asked that Horvath receive a mental evaluation. The judge agreed, asking that it be done within the next two weeks." Wait. What? Two...two weeks?! But you're letting him roam freely about NOW!! Why hasn't this been done before now? How time consuming can it be to do a mental evaluation with a man who has sex with his dog because he is lonely?? I realize the courts are backed up and all, but seriously, Flori-duh! This evaluation couldn't possibly take more than five minutes. Here, let me help! Let's see...um...21-year old...male...Flori-duh...ooh....what's this?....sex with a dog?....Demented, perverted, serious sexual issues, severe mental issues, inability to care about right and wrong. Evaluation done! Defendant is hereby banished to a desert island. Next case!

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Irrelevant Details In The News

You'd think I'd be used to this by now. But apparently I'm not. I say that because it still never ceases to amaze me when I read an article that is just a craptastic pile of blather masquerading as journalism. I continue to think the same thing. What in the hell are they thinking?

Today's example and case in point comes to us via the Erin Andrews story. Erin Andrews, if you're not already aware, is a very hot woman who holds a microphone emblazoned with the ESPN logo on it. I have no idea if she knows anything about sports and neither does anyone who has ever seen her or watched her do whatever it is that she does. That's because most people could care less what comes out of her mouth as long as whatever it is that she does, she does looking like that. Good Lord, they're she's beautiful. That microphone could have a swastika on it and folks would still tune in.

Erin Andrews was in the news more than she usually was last July when videos surface on the Internet (shocking, I know) of her getting undressed or being in a glorious state of undress in her hotel room. It appeared that the videos were taken without her knowledge (OK, now that one does shock me) via a reverse peephole dealio or something like that. I didn't know there was such a thing as a reverse peephole, nor did I know that you could utilize one at a hotel room of your choosing. Then again, I'm not a pervert. I swear.

But just the other day the person who is (allegedly) the pervert who took the videos was arrested. The pervert is allegedly a one 47-year old Michael David Barrett of Westmont, Illinois. According to a ridiculous article which was written by an AP Writer and was published on the ABC News website (among others), we learn that the pervert man "...kept his yard manicured, played golf and enjoyed cooking on a gas grill on a patio behind his $300,000 suburban Chicago town house." WHAT?!?!

Cooking? On a gas grill? A pervert?! Are you sure?? What's your source?! Was there chicken? Was he cooking chicken on the gas grill?! I'll be he was! All perverts cook chicken on gas grills! Seriously, how is any of that relevant to anything? I can't figure it out. Yet whenever there is some sort of tawdry goings on out there within all of the Internets, when those partaking in said tawdriness are uncovered (for all the world to shun and mock), the most meaningless details about them in relation to what they have done always seem to surface and I don't get it. What else do we have in this craptastic article?

Oh, good! It includes some of my favorite inexplicable and irrelevant statements in these situations. There's the "It's the apparently normal life of Michael David Barrett, a 47-year-old insurance company employee, that made his arrest for allegedly secretly videotaping Andrews nude so upsetting, his neighbors said Sunday." Wait. What?

So, they're saying that the guy didn't openly act like a pervert? THAT is what is so upsetting to them? The clandestine perversion? OH, well, of course then. That explains their dismay and disbelief. Oh, wait. No, it doesn't. In fact, that doesn't make any sense AT ALL!

Look, he was secretly taping a woman in her hotel room! Did these neighbors expect that he would be candid and open about his little hobby there? I don't think that he would! Why not? Well, for starters, it's right there in the name! SECRETLY taping! He wasn't blatantly opening taping women in their hotel rooms, was he? NO! Why not? Well, because you can usually only do that ONCE. But secretly, you can, theoretically do it more than once!

I'm going to try to go easy on some of the folks that were quoted in this story because they're senior citizens. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to let them skate. We're supposed to be looking to our elders for wisdom and guidance. Tell you what. How about if we still do that, but we just look for it someplace other than these folks, OK? OK!

"I'm totally shocked," said David Wayne, 72, a retired corporate executive who lives several doors down from Barrett. "He looked absolutely normal — nothing distinguishing." I can't tell if he thinks that's a good thing or a bad thing. Is he upset that he didn't know he was living on the same street as a pervert? Would he have preferred that Mr. Barrett exhibit some distinguishing and, in all likelihood, disturbing behaviors? Is he surprised that he didn't know he was living on the same street as a pervert? Does he think that he knows everything about all of his other neighbors? He doesn't!

Why do they insist on interviewing the people that always live "several doors down"? First of all, how many is several? Three? Or twenty seven? I could tell you stuff about my neighbors on either side of me and the three directly across the street from me and my two neighbors. Other than that, I don't have much. Granted, my walled off compound does hamper the sociability factor, but that seems to be a reasonable radius within which to limit your interviews in a situation like this.

I still don't know what the interviewer was looking for by talking to these people. It's not like this guy was Phillip Garrido and had a prison camp full of women that he either kidnapped or fathered in his backyard. This is a guy who videotaped Erin Andrews in a state of undress. What sort of things could neighbors say that might indicate that anyone should have seen this coming? I can't think of a single thing.

Everyone that knows him says that he's a "regular guy". Of course they do, because what are the choices in this situation? You can be a "regular guy" or you can be "the perverted weirdo who is always trying to film women". Most guys who are the perverted weirdo, prefer not to be thought of that way. It enables them to hide their untoward activities and it enables them to do them more than once. (By the way, there were seven videos of Ms. Andrews, so that theory I just laid out there would seem to be true.)

Please. Please all news media reporters/journalists out there. Please stop trying to find something in nothing. Every single time a case like this arises and the neighbors are interviewed, it's always the same. He was a regular guy. We had no idea he was a serial killer. That's why I think that the safest place for anyone (anyone who is worried about being offed by a serial killer, that is) is right next door to the maniacs. Maniacs, as a general rule, seem to leave their neighbors alone. They'll stalk someone across state lines when they really could have spent that time stalking their neighbor and staring at them through the Venetian blinds from the comfort of their own perverted home. But that doesn't interest them, so you're safe that way. Serial killers - the best neighbors ever!

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Food: The Key to Understanding Kidnapping Rapists

To understand how CNN, the once revered, now bungling, semi-news network, found itself in the position that it is currently in (that being one of a cable news network whose participants seem to merely phone it in every day) one needs look no further than The Larry King Show. I'm all for any iconic newsman continuing to "report" the "news", but when an interviewer's questions begin to sound more like some of the blather that you'd hear coming out of Grandpa Simpson, you kind of have to wonder if someone is going to point this out to them or if they're going to just wait until the person ends up following Dan Rather out the door.

Larry King interviewed a woman named Katie Callaway Hall. Ms. Hall was the first victim of perverted rapist and child kidnapper Phillip Garrido. Basically, back in 1976, Ms. Hall gave A-Hole Garrido a ride and he, in turn, forced her to drive across statelines from California to Nevada and to a storage shed that he had set up as a sexual perversion emporium and proceeded to rape her for the next eight hours until she was rescued. A-Hole Garrido was convicted, sentenced to 50 years in one case and 5 to life in another and manged to get out of prison within 11 years. Then he proceeded to kidnap 11-year old Jaycee Dugard and hold her for 18 years and father two children with her beginning when she was 14. Oh, yeah, he's a piece of work.

So Larry King has Ms. Hall on his show. First of all, she came forward after learning that the pig who raped her and imprisoned her was the same guy who had abducted Jaycee Dugard. She wanted people to know what kind of an effing monster this guy is. And I think that's awesome that she did come forward to tell her story, especially since it's not exactly the stuff that bedtime stories are made out of. So with a story like this, you'd expect questions that went somewhere along the lines of the crime, her feelings then, her feelings now, the trial, etc. Basically, all things that are RELEVANT to the story. But Larry must have had different thoughts on that matter.

She describes how, when she decided to give Garrido a ride, she had a bunch of food in her car because she had stopped at the store and bought some things that her boyfriend had asked her to pick up. And for some inexplicable reason, Larry focuses on the food aspect! I don't know why! No one cares! And is it relevant what happened to her groceries after all of the kidnapping but before all of the raping? I don't think it is.

KING: Why did you let him in the car?

HALL: I don't know. It was the worst decision I've ever made, I think. It truly was.

KING: What happened when he got in?

HALL: When he got in, I filled his hands with a lot of food that I had in the front seat anyway -- I tried to engage him.

KING: He was holding your food?

HALL: He was. I tried to engage him in small conversation on the trip. Tried to stay on the main street....on another main street that I turned. So I took him a little further up...I just turned around the corner and pulled over, and he slammed my head into the steering wheel, and pulled out handcuffs. He took my keys out, threw them on the floor, and pulled out handcuffs, and handcuffed me, and said, 'I just want a piece of ass. If you be good, you won't get hurt.'

KING: What did he do with the food?

WTF? Are you kidding me? What did he do with the food? Who in the hell cares what he did with the food?! We have head slamming, handcuffing, key throwing and kidnapping and YOU want to know what he did with the FOOD?! WHY?!? What is wrong with you? That's not only idiotic, it's insulting. This woman is strong enough to sit there on your show and tell millions of people that she was raped and you're asking her what her rapist did with her food. What is wrong with you?

By the way, in case you were now wondering "What did he do with the food?", Ms. Hall answered (with a perplexed look on her face, as if to say "What in the hell is wrong with you?"), "He put it on the floor. I guess. I don't know." There! Put it on the floor! Thank God we know that!

That kind of journalism is just a waste of space and airtime. There's no reason for it. It's crap. If you can't think of something better to ask about than the completely irrelevant food situation, then I believe that's a pretty good indicator that your time has come to get the Hell-o Kitty outta there.

Now, I had shortened the exchange between the two for brevity here, but you can watch the interaction in the video below and see for yourself just how close we should be to planning Larry King's retirement party.

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Step Away From the Panda, You Pervert

If you hire people to work for you, I think you need to have some sort of a screening process in place to weed out those that could potentially be, say, damaging to your reputation. Embarrassing even. Now imagine if you were a Pennsylvania State Senator. And you found out that you had a staffer who was arrested and charged "...with attempted sexual exploitation of children, unlawful contact with a minor and criminal solicitation to commit sexual abuse of children." While dressed like a panda. Wait. A pannn....WTF?!

Correct. A panda. Those cute and charming black and white creatures predominantly found in China but shipped here to the US to spend time in zoos to the delight of gazillions of tourists who think it's perfectly natural to be standing 5 feet away from a panda in downtown Washington, DC. And speaking of Washington, DC, did I mention that this pervert worked for a Senator?!

I'm getting ahead of myself here. A one Alan David Berlin, age old-enough-to-know-better-at-40, is a former staffer of Pennsylvania State Senator Jane Orie-R. No, I do not know why her political party that she represents would be important here, but the article over there at the metronews.ca.edmonton felt the need to include it, so I did as well. Plus, why not just bait the waters a little bit more with yet another reason for people to attack the character of the Republicans. (Though you have to admit, saying that they want to fornicate with omnivorous Asian mammals could really be hard to top. So really, by putting out there that she's a Republican, this story could end all of the back biting once and for all! Who'd a thunk it?) I say that he's a 'former' staffer of Senator Orie because he was fired on Friday. He was arrested on Thursday. I don't think that those two are completely independent of one another. Just a hunch, but I'm guessing that once your employer gets wind of the fact that you've been trying to solicit panda sex from, wait for it, a 15-year old boy, you're going to get fired. Soon. As soon as possible.

It would seem that Mr. Berlin had "...used Internet chats and instant messages to proposition the Harrisburg-area boy, including talking about dressing up in animal costumes and engaging in various sex acts." That according to the state Attorney General, a one Tom Corbett. He disclosed that these untoward events occurred "...in April and May, (and he) discussed various sex acts with the boy." Mr. Berlin (who I am really tempted to repeatedly call 'The Pervert') also suggested that he "...travel to the boy's home and have sex with him in the backyard while his parents slept." Oh. I see. While his parents slept. Oh, well, good! Because it would have been a completely different story if his parents had been awake! OF COURSE WHILE HIS PARENTS SLEPT! Because other than that one details, what could possibly go wrong?! Please.

Apparently, Berlin (aka The Pervert) (Sorry! I can't help it!) had worked for the Senate since 1993. For some inexplicable reason, this story included a quote from a one Mike Sarfert, who was the chief counsel for Senator Orie, when he said that Berlin (aka The Pervert) "...did not work on major legislation but assisted with grants for things such as roadwork." Um, what?

What difference does that make?! Didn't work on major legislation! Did work on major legislation! Who the hell cares?! I don't care if he worked on the railroad all the live long day! He wanted to have sex with a boy dressed like a panda! The only thing I care about as far as his employment duties are concerned is whether or not they involved any sort of zookeeping responsibilities! I don't care what he DID for the Senator! I care about what he wanted to DO to a panda! And the boy! For hell's sake, can people not FOCUS?!?!

Well, after you run across someone doing something like Berlin (aka The Pervert) was, if you're law enforcement, you get a warrant to search their place. And they did. That's when they learned that pandas were not the only thing that Berlin (aka The Pervert) apparently had a penchant for. "Authorities also found a wolf costume and cat-type costume...but the panda costume has not been found." So, wait. It's definitely a wolf costume, but it's only a cat type costume? What does that mean? "Cat type"? Like a big house cat "cat type? Like Tony the Tiger "cat type"? Like Halle Berry as the Catwoman "cat type"? What does that mean? It won't make this any better (or worse!) but at this point, details are essential for the very fact that we have already been told about the longing for the panda. We have a picture in our heads (admit it!) of someone in a panda suit. We need to know what the "cat type" costume consists of so that we can add it to our list of images floating around in our heads (and without our consent, might I add).

A one spokesman for the attorney general, a one Nils Frederiksen, said that "Berlin (aka The Pervert) used the costumes as an entree to solicit the boy." Wait. What?!

The kid was 15 right? And this dude, The Pervert (No more aka-ing this guy. He's worth of full pervert declaration at this point!) thought that a panda suit was his in? Now, aside from the fact that I don't know if a panda suit would entice any boy, really, regardless of age. But I'm really hoping that it is not some unknown fantasy amongst throngs of teenage boys to engage in some sort of interspecies coital relations!

But here's my favorite quote from the good Mr. Frederiksen. "It's one thing to be interested in the furry culture, it's another thing to make arrangements to have sex with a teenage boy." ::: blink ::: ::: blink :::

"The furry culture"? Like mold? It's a furry culture. Oooooohh. THAT furry culture. Yikes. Well, in that case, yes. Yes, it is. Well said, sir. Well said.

Fortunately, this guy is sitting in jail with a $250,000 bail. Now, granted, knowing the salaries of some government workers, he might be able to afford that no problem. But let's hope not. Instead, let's hope that this little story makes its way around to some of the other inmates. Some of the burlier inmates. Some of the more sexually deprived and burly inmates. Let's hope they get wind of The Pervert's Follies and act accordingly. Accordingly according to prisoners, of course. I'm not suggesting any sort of leniency for this type of thing. Hell, no! That guy's interested in pandas? Hopefully Bubba will be able to give him a little tutorial on bamboo and wazoo! Should be quite enlightening for him. As it should be.

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Asshat of the Year (So Far)

There are some people who just belong in jail. I know there's a system and all of that and some people can be placed on probation or parole, but some just shouldn't. Ever. No, they should just stay inside their teeny, tiny cell alone until the end of time. And last I checked, that could be a while (which is a good thing in this case).

Meet my nominee for Asshat of the Year ,Walter Freeman.

Walter is 72 and lives in Poughkeepsie. He is apparently going for the "Kenny Rogers on Crack" look. The folks over there at the Poughkeepsie Journal also felt the need to tell us that he lived on Lent Street. Well, he used to live on Lent Street. Walter lives in jail now. Walter will live in jail for a while. That is not a bad thing.

See, Walter is a sex offender and was placed on probation on July 15 after "...he admitted he had failed to notify police he had changed his address, as required by state law for most sex offenders." Well, that's not good. Not surprising, either.

Then, Walter "...acknowledged last month he had violated the terms of his probation by approaching two children in a bank in Poughkeepsie and offering to buy them ice cream." Back in 2006, Walter was "convicted of molesting an 11-year-old girl he didn't know." As if his relationship with the girl has any relevance on anything. Why must media throw in ridiculous information about nothing and leave out the things that are really important? Like why he only got probation (if that's the case, but I don't see how it would be anything else if he was already out and about and wandering around looking for small children to grope.) None of those things are good either. And again, not overly surprising.

So we haven't been surprised yet. We have Walter, the 72-year old, child molesting pervert who had been placed on probation and then violated the terms of his probation. No shockers there. The alarming part is the length of time in between the placing and the violating. And really, "length of time" is a little misleading because there wasn't much of a "length" at all. In fact, there wasn't even an hour. There was forty minutes. Wait. What?

Correct. Forty minutes after being placed on probation, Walter was trolling the bank (of all places) looking for children so he could buy them ice cream. Yo, Walt! Did you think it was a race? Were you in some sort of hurry? Good Lord, man. Forty minutes? What in the hell is wrong with you?

The judge in this case, a one Judge Gerald V. Hayes, told Walter during the court hearing, “You may have set the record for how quickly you violated probation." May have set the record? Who else was in the running and how quickly did they go out and do something so ridiculously stupid, not to mention vile and disgusting? Actually, never mind. I don't think I want to know. Besides, all that's really important at this point is that the judge sentenced Walter to a year and a half in jail.

I'm going to assume that it was only a year and a half because it was a probation violation and "technically" not an "offense" (though it was offensive). And in this case, some jail is better than no jail at all. But let's be realistic here. The guy is 72. He has clearly learned absolutely nothing during those 72 years. He will never change. That is indicative based upon the fact that he hasn't so far and there doesn't seem to be a lot of time left for Walter to make a move. It is people like Walter that cause me to advocate some sort of exile island.

It really wouldn't be such a bad deal. It's just some island in the middle of the ocean far, far, far away from civilized individuals (who do not feel the need to molest small children EVER). It doesn't have to be huge. The one below would be fine. (Oh, and feel free to cram as many of them on it as you possibly could. No need to waste any more space that these sort of people are taking up.)

Unbelievable that this dude couldn't even go one hour. Yeah, there's definitely no hope for someone who is 72 and doing that. Off to the island they go! Are there sharks in those waters? If not, there should be.

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Be Careful What You Ask For...

...Because you just might get it. And that I did.

In the post prior to this one, I was irritated that, once again, I was reading a news story that had omitted crucial details after giving only a vague description of a situation in which the reader would only be wanting to know "what in the hell was he doing?". It was a story about a man, presumedly lonely, definitely weird, who was found naked on his couch with a (brace yourself) claw hammer, a plastic bag and some motor oil. Hilarity did not ensue. But that's all the story told you! (You're really going to want to read that one first before you finish this one. Trust me, order is good.)

You're given the ingredients to a pervert souffle, but no clue as to how to follow the recipe in order to get the desired result. (Well, the desired result for the pervert. The desired result for me, and the rest of us who are not fornicating with claw hammers, is that this stuff never happen.) And with something this, um, out of the ordinary, you really kind of want to know. OK, you really want to know. Until you do know. Then? Yeah, you don't want to know.

The fine folks over there at The Smoking Gun (which sounds a little perverted in and of itself, but it's really not) have produced the police reports that explain what Sicky McSpanks-A-Lot was doing with the claw hammer, the motor oil and the plastic bag. Needless to say, it wasn't pretty. Hell, we knew it wasn't pretty before we knew what he was doing. Now that we know? Well...it's downright ugly. They were also kind enough to share a picture of one Ronald Miller, aged 56, who has an apparent attraction to construction hand tools and automotive lubrication. He looks about what you'd expect him to look like. Here:

He also looks like he's just a six pack away from chopping up a family of four with a hatchet. (So if he actually does one day, just remember you heard it here first!)

But now onto the police reports. There were three of them, one from each of the highly underpaid officers that had to respond to this insanity. They all say basically the same thing, just in different, but easy to understand terms. Here's what we've learned:

• The guy was totally naked and had his windows and front door wide open so that all of the world could view him and his self important genitalia.
  
  
• The officers who responded to this call witnessed Hammer Time "insert" an "object" into....look. I can't write it. I just can't. You can either figure it out or read the report (click the image below). First, let me give you a few hints:
  
  
• Hint One: Don't forget about all of the "inserting".
  

• Hint Two: The claw hammer was wrapped up in the plastic bag.
  
  
• Hint Three: Orifice.

I think I speak for everyone when I say, "EEEWWWWW!!!!" Oh, and WTF?!?! Are you kidding me?!?! :::sigh::: Apparently not.

Police report number two uses the phrase "He was completely naked, and appeared to be covered in an oily substance." I don't know exactly why, but I find that pretty funny. "Appeared to be covered in an oily substance." Just in case, you know, he really wasn't covered in 10-40W motor oil and he just "appeared" as if he was. Always have to cover your ass if you're a cop. And actually, under these circumstances, that's really not a bad idea at all.

Police report number three indicates that he could see El Perv-Meister "inserting" things when the officer was still in the yard. That means that this guy was laying buck naked on his couch that was directly in front of his front door which was wide open. AND he was doing....that! And again I say, "EEEWWWWWW!!!!" And, of course, WTF?!?!
So what have we learned here? More than we wanted to, I'll tell you that. We've learned that some people really have too much time on their hands. We've also learned that the Home Depot slogan, "You can do it, we can help" makes us nervous when we think about it in relation to the claw hammer. And we've also learned that people like this guy make an excellent argument for the reasons that we should bring back the penal colony. (Pun oh-so intended there.)

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