The Return Of The Ass Biting Karma

I've mentioned recently that karma is just a great thing. Awesome. Especially when it comes back to bite someone else in the ass. Karma isn't so cool when it's coming after you. But when it catches up with someone who deserves it? To witness such an event is quite possibly one of the greatest joys on earth. To witness it repeatedly to the same individual who deserves every single piece of it? You could pack a lunch and make a day of it.

Of course I'm talking about perpetual karma receiver and wrongly acquitted alleged double murderer, OJ Simpson. If you're like me, you will joyfully recall the events of the past week or so when OJ was sentenced to some long-ass prison term, the exact length of which is still undetermined and is therefore being referred to (by me) as the "long-ass prison term".

OJ was being held in the Clark County Detention Center before he was sentenced. And according to the dicey folks down there at the Las Vegas Sun, he was making new friends at his new home!According to a one Gabriel Grasso, one of OJ's attorneys, "...the former football legend has become somewhat of a jailhouse sugar daddy, buying down-and-out jailhouse friends sweets and snacks." Since when are those who are in jail not "down and out"? “O.J. is actually buying stuff for all of these other guys who don’t have anybody on the outside. Candy bars, soup, chocolate, whatever you can buy at the commissary he’s been actually buying it for them, using his money to buy it for them.” Well, isn't that nice of him? Buy 'em all the Snickers bars you want, OJ. You're not going anywhere for a while! Sit back and enjoy your long, long ride.

But about the karma.....his cohorts in this Stooge-esque caper were sentenced the other day. Let's just remember that of all of the morons involved in this poorly thought out scheme, the only one of them who had never been convicted of anything before (convicted, key word there) was OJ! Every one of his buffoonish friends were convicted felons. One of them was still on probation or parole at the time of "Mission: Get OJ's Stuff Back". Nice crowd he runs with, eh?

So, just to quickly review, OJ got a minimum of nine years before he can go up for parole and a maximum of thirty three years, at which time he'll be leaving the prison feet first. (This is all from what I can figure out. The abacus is broken and there are too many differing accounts online.) The one guy who wanted to go to trial as OJ's co-defendant (which might just as well be called "accepting being found guilty before the trial even starts". Why would you want to go to trial with OJ? You're doomed. Doomed. Although, that does give a pretty clear indication of just how high (or low) that dude's IQ is.) received a minimum of seven years with a maximum of somewhere around twenty seven years. From what I can tell, OJ was basically the ringleader of this circus and stood around and barked orders. Of course, some of the orders were to not let anyone leave the room (which amounts to kidnapping in Nevada), but that was OJ's role. Order barker.

The other four guys, Michael McClinton, Walter Alexander, Charles Cashmore and Charles Elrich, all pled guilty to a combination of two felonies each, one stemming from conspiracy and one stemming from robbery. Are you with me so far? They ALL pled guilty. At least one of them had a gun. The other thing you need to know here is that they ALL testified against OJ and his little sidekick.

And here comes karma walking in the door of humility right now. All four of them got probation. Probation. OJ goes to prison for what could amount to the rest of his life and the four guys who really carried out all of the thugging get probation. ::::insert S-eating grin here::::

See, this is what happens when someone is constantly bucking the system. When someone is constantly throwing something in other people's faces. Constantly just smirking and being smug and flaunting the unsaid truth that everyone knows. This is what happens. Karma comes up and re-introduces itself to you and down you go. As if OJ wasn't freaking out enough as it was that he was going to prison for a long, long time, but then he gets wind that his partners is bungled crime get NO prison? I hope he cried.

Awesome. I couldn't have wrote a much better ending for that saga. Unless it was to have OJ actually start crying during his sentencing hearing....right before he wet himself. THAT would have been the perfect ending. But this one is pretty good. I'll take it. And now, finally, finally, it's done. Though I am trying to decide if I should place a wager as to how long any of those four will stay out of trouble before they're busting into some other sports memorabilia dealer's hotel room and trying to reclaim Joe Montana's cleats. Probably not long, but I'm OK with that. For now, they're free and he's not. Hey, thanks karma!

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Asshat of the Year (So Far)

There are some people who just belong in jail. I know there's a system and all of that and some people can be placed on probation or parole, but some just shouldn't. Ever. No, they should just stay inside their teeny, tiny cell alone until the end of time. And last I checked, that could be a while (which is a good thing in this case).

Meet my nominee for Asshat of the Year ,Walter Freeman.

Walter is 72 and lives in Poughkeepsie. He is apparently going for the "Kenny Rogers on Crack" look. The folks over there at the Poughkeepsie Journal also felt the need to tell us that he lived on Lent Street. Well, he used to live on Lent Street. Walter lives in jail now. Walter will live in jail for a while. That is not a bad thing.

See, Walter is a sex offender and was placed on probation on July 15 after "...he admitted he had failed to notify police he had changed his address, as required by state law for most sex offenders." Well, that's not good. Not surprising, either.

Then, Walter "...acknowledged last month he had violated the terms of his probation by approaching two children in a bank in Poughkeepsie and offering to buy them ice cream." Back in 2006, Walter was "convicted of molesting an 11-year-old girl he didn't know." As if his relationship with the girl has any relevance on anything. Why must media throw in ridiculous information about nothing and leave out the things that are really important? Like why he only got probation (if that's the case, but I don't see how it would be anything else if he was already out and about and wandering around looking for small children to grope.) None of those things are good either. And again, not overly surprising.

So we haven't been surprised yet. We have Walter, the 72-year old, child molesting pervert who had been placed on probation and then violated the terms of his probation. No shockers there. The alarming part is the length of time in between the placing and the violating. And really, "length of time" is a little misleading because there wasn't much of a "length" at all. In fact, there wasn't even an hour. There was forty minutes. Wait. What?

Correct. Forty minutes after being placed on probation, Walter was trolling the bank (of all places) looking for children so he could buy them ice cream. Yo, Walt! Did you think it was a race? Were you in some sort of hurry? Good Lord, man. Forty minutes? What in the hell is wrong with you?

The judge in this case, a one Judge Gerald V. Hayes, told Walter during the court hearing, “You may have set the record for how quickly you violated probation." May have set the record? Who else was in the running and how quickly did they go out and do something so ridiculously stupid, not to mention vile and disgusting? Actually, never mind. I don't think I want to know. Besides, all that's really important at this point is that the judge sentenced Walter to a year and a half in jail.

I'm going to assume that it was only a year and a half because it was a probation violation and "technically" not an "offense" (though it was offensive). And in this case, some jail is better than no jail at all. But let's be realistic here. The guy is 72. He has clearly learned absolutely nothing during those 72 years. He will never change. That is indicative based upon the fact that he hasn't so far and there doesn't seem to be a lot of time left for Walter to make a move. It is people like Walter that cause me to advocate some sort of exile island.

It really wouldn't be such a bad deal. It's just some island in the middle of the ocean far, far, far away from civilized individuals (who do not feel the need to molest small children EVER). It doesn't have to be huge. The one below would be fine. (Oh, and feel free to cram as many of them on it as you possibly could. No need to waste any more space that these sort of people are taking up.)

Unbelievable that this dude couldn't even go one hour. Yeah, there's definitely no hope for someone who is 72 and doing that. Off to the island they go! Are there sharks in those waters? If not, there should be.

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