Loophole!

If I were a lawyer (and I think that we can all breathe a sigh of relief that I am not), I think that I could help this woman that was arrested in Florida (of course) the other day.  I'm pretty sure that I could get her off on a fairly glaring, yet rather subtle, technicality.  See if you follow me here. 

What we have is a 400-pound woman, a one 52-year old Patricia McCollum, who was sitting at a bus stop in Fort Lauderdale.  She allegedly decided that she needed to change clothes, perhaps to something more summery as the seasons have changed, and felt that the best place to do so was right there at the bus stop.  She is currently sans home, so I guess that changing right in the middle of everything was the best that she felt that she could do?  I don't know.  Me, I'm thinking, what's the rush?  Wait until it's dark outside before you go off doing something like that.  Find someplace besides a bus stop for cryin' out loud.  Other people sit on that thing.  I'm pretty sure they don't want someone's bare arse on it.  But I digress. 

So you've got a naked, homeless, 400 pounder at a bus stop.  Naturally, she got arrested.  The charge?  According to UPI, she was charged with "...exposure of sexual organs in public".  Hold it.  Wait just a minute there.  Exposure of sexual organs?  For real?  Is that even possible with a 400-pound woman sitting on a bus bench?  I'm not so sure that it is!  I'm not so sure that would be possible without some sort of a series of levers and pulleys in order for things to be exposed.  400 pounds is a whole lotta woman.  And while she may not have been clothed, I'm going to go ahead and guess that her sexual organs were not exposed to anyone (and probably haven't been for quite some time).  

I realize it might not be the best defense anyone has ever come up with, but it certainly can't be the worst one either.  And really, the solution to things like this is to simply not change your clothes in public no matter how much you weigh.  But I'm thinking that if someone weighs 400 pounds and is naked in public, you're going to have to come up with something a little bit more applicable than "exposure of sexual organs in public"  because that simply didn't happen.  Naked or not, it didn't happen.  

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Nice Hat

I saw this story over at ABC News, but it was linked within a different story that had absolutely nothing to do with it and it won't let me link directly to it.  Just take my word for what happened, OK?  Besides, the point I'm about to make is rather pedantic anyway.  What's new, right? 

There long and short of it is that an 87-year old woman (who also happens to be a grandmother) was arrested for selling cocaine.  She ended up getting 18 months in prison and it was implied that it was due to her age.  Whatever.  If you're dumb enough to be selling cocaine, I don't care how old you are when you get caught.  The point here is her mugshot. Behold! 

Nice.  What in the world is on her head?!  Is that a nightcap?  Is she a Looney Tunes characters? When was this picture taken?  Is this the late 1800s?  People still wear those?  For reals?  I only remember them being worn in Little House on the Prairie.  This was the best picture that I could find to back up that memory.  Behold! 

 

Ignoring the fact that Laura has it pulled up as if she might secretly be one of the Coneheads, it's essentially the same.  At least Half Pint wasn't selling drugs.  Maybe if this woman felt the need to emulate those from the 19th century, she could have noticed all of the not dealing of cocaine that they did and gone with that instead of the wacky hat.  Just a thought. 

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It's IN The Name!

In a story that shows just how uptight some people can actually be, we have two women who were arrested for exposing their breasts whilst on a public golf course.  Oh, did I mention that it was during what had been dubbed a "naked golf tournament"?  Yeah, it was.  And they were (wait for it) naked.  Go figure. 

According to The Telegraph, "...a "naked" golf tournament was taking place at the golf course."  Now, I haven't played golf in a number of years, so I don't know if this is a new thing that happens frequently or just at the Woodlands Golf Club in unincorporated Madison County outside Alton city limits in Missouri.  But I do know that if I heard that there was a naked golf tournament going on, I wouldn't be all that surprised to see naked golfers.  OK, I might be a little surprised that anyone would willingly participate in such an event, but if that's what it's supposed to be, I don't know why anyone would have a problem with it. 

But as I'm sure that you've probably guess by now, someone obviously did have a problem with it.  A one Capt. T. Mike Dixon "...said investigators responded to the golf course in reference to a complaint of women exposing their sexual organs while on the golf course."  Well, of COURSE they were!  It was a naked golf tournament!  It's right there in the name!  Naked!  He went on to say that "...when investigators arrived they observed  Alicia L. Binford, 43, and Shelly L. Lewis, 45, "lewdly exposing their breasts on the golf course property."  Again, right there in the name.  Naked!  Oooh.  Wait a minute.  Maybe it's bad naked.  You know, there's way more bad naked out there than there is good naked.  Maybe this was a double case of bad naked.  Let's look at their mugshots.  Behold! 

OK, those two ladies are not going to be bad naked.  No, they're going to be good naked.  The one on the left kind of looks like Jennifer Aniston, for cryin' out loud!  How would that be bad naked?!  And I know I'm going to be repeating myself here, but since they were arrested, I feel that it needs to be reiterated that it was a naked golf tournament!!  Do we have a more revealing mug shot?  We do?!  Bring it! 

Yeah, they were obviously the very, very good (or at least perfectly acceptable) sort of naked.  Seriously, if you're calling the cops because you've just seen one (or even better, both) of these women in public without a shirt and with their presumably glorious breasts bared for all to see, you need to check yourself.  Especially if it's during a naked golf tournament.  (Have I said that enough?  I'm not sure that I have considering that they were arrested.) We might need more of this sort of thing, not less! 

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Pakistani Beer?

Oh, my God.  A travesty has been committed.  Scout Willis, the daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, has been arrested!  Arrested!  And are you ready for the heinous offense that she committed?  I hope you're sitting down.  The 20-year old was arrested for (brace yourselves!) drinking an 8-ounce Pakistani beer.  Holy cow, are we a soft country or what? 

First of all, what in the hell is an 8-ounce Pakistani beer?  Why isn't it twelve ounces?  Is it some sort of Pakistani law?  I realize that's a minor point here, but I found it odd that all the articles that I read about this travesty, they all mentioned the Pakistani beer.  Maybe that's because the type of beer that she was drinking is more interesting than this entire story. 

Did the cops not have anything better to do that day than to actually arrest her for underage drinking?  Her birthday is July 20, 1991 for cryin' out loud!  So, she's a month and a half away from turning 21 and they arrest her for that?!  I can't be the only one who thinks that having the legal drinking age be 21 is a bit antiquated?  I hate to sound cliche or anything like that, but if you're allowed to join the armed forces when you're 18, you should be able to drink.  If anyone wants to raise the age of something, what say we up the voting age?  18 and voting on stuff?  That's a horrible idea!  All you care about when you're eighteen is rockin' the vote.  No!  Don't rock the vote!  You don't know what you're doing!  Nor do you care!  But I digress. 

I cannot possibly understand why Scout or anyone else a month and a half away from their 21st birthday would be arrested for consuming 8 ounces of beer from a foreign land.  It's not like she was driving (which would be a completely different issue in and of itself) or endangering anyone.  She was having A beer.  Why couldn't they have just cited her and sent her on her way?  Did they feel that they needed to make an example out of her because she has famous parents?  No one cares.  Bruce Willis and Demi Moore aren't exactly headliners these days.  They're not totally B-List or anything, but I don't think that they're still riding the A Train or anything.  This is just silly.  We're losing focus people!  Keep your eye on the ball! 

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It's A Nice Change From Al Sharpton

Have you heard the story about the 20-year old student who was attending Berkeley when he was caught up in a federal drug raid, never arrested or charged, but ended up being forgotten about in a holding cell for four days without food or water?  If you hadn't heard about it before now, it was pretty much what I just described there.  The guy's name is Daniel Chong and it's really not much short of a miracle that he didn't die in there.  He's now suing the DEA for 20 million dollars and I certainly hope that he gets it.  This incident was clearly nothing more than government asshattery at its finest.  But I wanted to point something out. 

After this story came out, I thought that it would get a little bit more attention than it did.  I'm not sure exactly why it didn't, but I guess it doesn't really matter.  But I'll tell you what impressed me about the publicity that was not given to this incident.  Mr. Chong is Asian.  But yet, there were not any Asian groups out there protesting his maltreatment under the assumption that someone must have had it in for him because he was Asian.  I cannot tell you how much I admire that.  You can't tell me that if this guy had been black that we would not all have been subject to the rants of Al Sharpton proclaiming how it was because he was black and how everyone who is white is a big ol' racist.  Yeah, that's exactly what would have happened.  You can't swing a dead cat without hitting Al Sharpton when something like that happens to a black individual. 

Do I have a point with all of this?  Not other than what I just stated.  I guess it just kind of gives me a little bit of hope that not all ethnic groups out there think that all white people are racist and out to get them.  Didn't I know that before?  Sure I did.  Of course I did.  But after the Trayvon Martin debacle, sometimes you wonder.  I like it that this horrible incident can obviously be chalked up to the incredible stupidity of whoever was working at the DEA.  There are a lot of things that can be chalked up to stupidity rather than a dislike for a certain race.  This is one of them and I'm glad to see it being treated as such. 

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Seems About Right

A bunch of self-proclaimed atheists were arrested yesterday for trying to blow up a bridge in Ohio.  I don't know exactly what their point was, but I don't care because I have my own point here.  And that point is this:  Whenever you hear about stuff like this, don't you get a mental image of what the sorts of people who would want to blow up a bridge would look like?  And then when you finally see the pictures of them, isn't it almost always just about what you expected?  This case is no different.  I took one look at these doofuses (doofi?) and thought, "Yeah, that seems about right." Here are the pictures of the guys who were arrested.  You tell me if you come across one that you see and are shocked that he'd try to blow up a bridge, OK?  Let's begin. 

 This guy is a little Unabomer-y.  Thus, not surprising.

 

This guy looks like he could be cajoled into just about anything, including bridge blowing up.  Nothing shocking here. 

This guy sports the large ear gauges.  Never a good sign.  

Are you going to try to tell me that this guy does not look crazy enough to blow up a bridge?  I didn't think so.  I'm just surprised he hasn't blown up something before now.

And here's the last one.  I wouldn't be surprised if he was voted "Most Likely To Blow Up A Bridge" in high school. 

And here's a group shot with all of the geniuses (genii?) together.  And seriously, they look so inept as a group that you'd almost think that one of them might have been able to figure it out before they ended up doing something so stupid that they'd inevitably be caught at it.  You'd almost think that.  Almost.  Not entirely, however.  Nope. 

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Nothing Really Matters

This is fabulous. Canadian Robert Wilson was arrested on charges of being intoxicated. Whilst in the back of the police car, he decided to voice his opposition to said charges by belting out Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. In full. Including the instrumental solo parts. Miraculously, he remembers all of the words. Even when he is interrupted by the cop who tells him, "Robert, calm down", he continues on after telling him, "I can't." He's really committed to the bit. It's refreshing, really. I enjoy follow-through. And Bohemian Rhapsody is like almost seven minutes long. I have a hard time focusing on anything for more than a couple of seconds when I'm that plastered, let alone be able to remember the lyrics to a really long Queen song. Enjoy! (If it doesn't load, click here.)

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He Doesn't Seem Exhausted

Remember that guy yesterday that was arrested for "publicly masturbating" even though he was butt-ass naked and standing on a busy street corner flapping his arms like a disturbed chicken in Los Angeles? What? I don't know. Maybe 5'10"? Brown hair? Yeah, HIM! Glad you're with me. OK, well, get this: The chief executive of the charity that he set up issued a statement yesterday about this latest development. He said: "Jason Russell was unfortunately hospitalized yesterday suffering from exhaustion, dehydration and malnutrition." Uhhh...what?

First of all, did you see the video? Yeah, having him in a hospital is far from unfortunate. He was standing naked at an intersection in Los Angeles. On purpose! I think that having him in a hospital is a pretty good idea. Not unfortunate at all. Necessary at the very least. How is it unfortunate to have someone who was naked on a street corner now in a hospital? Seems fine to me.


But let's look at the rest of that statement "...suffering from exhaustion, dehydration and malnutrition." Really? Listen, back in November, my 79-year old mother got extremely dehydrated and needed to be hospitalized. (Again, not unfortunate. It was better than having her not in the hospital.) You know what she didn't do? Well, she didn't strip off all of her clothes and go down to a busy intersection and start flapping her arms like a cracked out chicken! That's because that's not what happens when you're suffering from "exhaustion, dehydration and malnutrition". It's right there in the description! Exhaustion! When I'm exhausted, I don't have the energy to do much, let alone get naked and go find a busy intersection at where I will commence with my version of the Funky Chicken.



I guess his family or someone else also issued a statement saying that he wasn't under the influence of drugs or alcohol during this odd display. Why would you say that? Wouldn't you rather just go with "He was stoned out of his mind. This is not behavior that he would display as a completely sober individual. Nope. He was Gonzo. Completely sane and normal dude when he isn't wasted. But when he is, the just clothes...come off! Sorry 'bout that." That seems to be the perfect route to go. Why do these people always insist on making up stories that we all know are complete crap? Just tell us the truth. We already know and at least that way, we might end up with a shred of respect for you. Doing it this way just makes us think of you as a dumb, naked, chicken wing flapping lunatic.

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Public Buffoonery

I'm guessing that by now, you've seen the Kony 2012 video that was everywhere. And if you haven't seen it, you're still not going to see it here. Don't get me wrong. That Kony guy is bad and probably needs to be shot. But I question the integrity behind the "charity" that made the video. So there's that. But there's something else, too! Yeah, the guy who made that video, a one Jason Russell, was arrested yesterday for what the media keeps calling "public masturbation". I didn't really know what that meant, but then this video appeared over at TMZ and while I think the media got the terminology wrong, the video is worth a watch. Pretty awesome to see someone who is obviously in the throes of some sort of mental snap.

Do you see what I'm saying?! In what way was that any sort of public masturbation? That was more like "stand on the corner naked and flap your arms like a chicken". I don't know if that specific instance is in the Los Angeles penal code (Heh-heh. Penal.), but I guess that it should be given this display! Holy moly. I don't even know what you'd call that (other than really freakin' weird), but it's definitely probably something that you're going to get arrested for. (Don't try this at home, kids!)

If it didn't load, click here. You won't be sorry!

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Focus!

All of these women who are so up in arms about rotund blowhard Rush Limbaugh calling some chick a slut really need to calm down and set some priorities. Do you really want to give the guy any more attention that he already has on a daily basis with his incredibly large radio show audience? (Who are you people who can listen to this guy? It's just like, his opinion, man. Why would you want to sit and listen to someone pontificate about the days events in only a way as to skew it toward the point of view that he favors? I just want facts and then a discussion about the facts. Oh, throw in a little humor and we're good.) Can't they focus on real matters?

Take Ross Mirkarimi for example. Mr. Mirkarimi is the sheriff of San Francisco. See, he had been charged with multiple things like child endangerment and domestic violence after a New Year's Day kerfluffle with his wife that left her with bruised arms. Yeah, that's not cool for any dude to do, but when you're sheriff I really think that you should avoid breaking the law. Call me crazy! It's just one of those things with me.

But get this: Yesterday or the day before he pled guilty to one charge of false imprisonment and the rest of the more serious charges (including the ones that were felonies) were dropped. Shocking that the sitting sheriff would get some sort of a sweet deal, ain't it? Yeah, not quite so much. So they've got a sheriff that's been convicted of false imprisonment of his wife. And do you think he's stepping down? Uh-uh. He's just going to go about business as usual. And it's questionable (and leaning toward unlikely) if there's a legal reason for him to be booted out by the mayor or someone else. So he's going to be the sheriff! Where are all of the women protesting this S?

No where. There is a ton of public outrage because of something Rush Limbaugh simply said on his radio show. This is a guy who is violent toward women! Actual violence! Contrary to what people must believe based upon their reaction to the slut incident, we're gonna survive being called names. It's not gonna kill us. (We're not all the dainty little flowers that people like President Barry think that we are to the point that he needs to call one of us up to "see if she's OK". Please.) But being beaten up by a guy? That could kill someone! And where are the protests? Where is the outrage? Where are the women flipping out because a sheriff has been convicted of false imprisonment (of his wife) and is still planning on being sheriff?! NO where. There just aren't any.

We are a sad little country. I guess people are just so distracted by any shiny object that comes along (and when you're as big and shiny as Rush Limbaugh, I realize that it's hard to look away) that they must get blinded and unable to see it when a real issue actually does come along! The sheriff had a physical altercation with his wife that included some sort of imprisoning falsely! And he's still sheriff! Where's the outrage?! Where are the protests?! Why are you letting yourselves be distracted by Rush Limbaugh and his meaningless comments about some law school student? No one wants to take away your birth control! It's not going to happen! Just calm down and focus! What is wrong with you people?! God, we're doomed.

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Well, That Explains That

Remember when the little runt in North Korea kicked it and I was amazed at all of the public mourning that was going on? Seriously, people appeared to be beside themselves with grief as they fell all over each other in the streets. There was so much hysterical sobbing. It seemed weird. And it was. And now we know why.

According to something called Daily NK, "The North Korean authorities have completed the criticism sessions which began after the mourning period for Kim Jong Il and begun to punish those who transgressed during the highly orchestrated mourning events." Uhhh...come again? "The authorities are handing down at least six months in a labor-training camp to anybody who didn’t participate in the organized gatherings during the mourning period, or who did participate but didn’t cry and didn't seem genuine." Holy police state, Batman. I guess that would explain the scenes that we saw like this:

And this:

And this:

I think that I'd be sobbing my head off in public too if I knew that if I didn't that I was going to be picked up and sent to some sort of North Korean labor camp. Just the thought of that almost makes me burst out crying right now! Oh, but look! It gets worse! "...the source added that people who are accused of circulating rumors criticizing the country’s 3rd generation dynastic system are also being sent to re-education camps or being banished with their families to remote rural areas." Not that this needs to be said or anything, but that seems rather extreme. So let me get this straight. If a member of my family circulates some sort of rumor about the newest runt to run that hell hole-ish regime, then my family gets banished along with the naysayer?! What about that particularly mouthy aunt that everyone seems to have? Just because she opens her yap then the rest of us end up rurally banished?! That seems...what's the word I want? Oh, that's right. Bat s*** crazy.


In this country people can say whatever they want about this country without fear of having themselves and/or their families banished. And while there might be an awful lot of things to complain about around here, the freedom to say whatever you want or whatever you don't want should never be complained about. And here, I thought that maybe things could be different in North Korea with a new leader. Yeah, that's not going to happen. Crap.

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Nice Name, Loser

All I'm about to say here is that there are times when you can judge a book by its cover. Especially when that cover is the person's name AND when that person's name just happens to be Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop. And no, I'm not kidding.

According to something called Madison.com, "A man with a rather unique name was arrested ...because police said he was violating bail conditions from previous problems with the law." Really? Previous problems with the law? With a name like Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop? I'm shocked. Simply shocked. The article goes on to tell us that Mr....Zopittybop-Bop-Bop? I guess? He was..."charged with carrying a concealed weapon, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana and a probation violation". Wait. What? There were drugs involved? No! Again, I'm shocked. Simply shocked.

Now, the court records show that this guy's given name was Jeffrey Drew Wilschke and that it was legally changed to the disaster that it is now back in October. I'd like to know who the judge or clerk or whoever is in charge of these things was who signed off on this. Clearly, this is someone who has some serious problems to want to change their name to Beezow. Actually, if it was just Beezow, I might be OK with that. Hell, there are plenty of people out there with whack-a-doodle names. Penn Jillette named his daughter Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette. And then there's Moon Unit Zappa. What the hell is up with that? But at least Moxie kind of sounds like a real name. And, strangely enough, so does Moon Unit. But at least they have relatively normal last names to go by. But when you go with Zopittybop-Bop-Bop, there's clearly something wrong with you.

I don't know if his brain is addled from the obvious drug use that he's been partaking in or if he's always been this way. But I do know that no one did him any favors by granting him his name change. You think he's going to be able to get a job with that sort of name? Is any place ever going to take him serious after they see his name and then learn that he chose that name himself? I don't think so. I'd be willing to give the guy a break if that's what his parents named him, as it wouldn't have been his choice. (Then again, that would mean that there would have had to have been a Mr. and Mrs. Zopittybop-Bop-Bop and I find that to be highly unlikely under any circumstances.) But if I found out he chose that? On purpose? No. Not so much.

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The Stupidest Thing of 2012 So Far

Wow. It is only January 2nd and I have already read the stupidest thing I've read all year. And it's quite possible that it's going to win out as the stupidest thing that I read all year. The thing is that I really can't tell where the stupidity arises from. I don't know if it's from the person who wrote the article (please note my omission of the word 'journalist) or if the article was written in such a way as to appeal to the sort of soft headed moron that might be reading it. Whatever it is, there is so much wrong with it that it's hard to know where to begin. But let's see what I can do.

According to the huffy folks over yonder at The Huffington Post, President Barry has signed the defense bill "despite serious reservations". Now while that may sound idiotic, I'm guessing that the reason that he ended up signing the thing is because, like all other bills, there was a whole bunch of crap in there that had nothing to do with defense that needed to be pushed through. And actually, that part of how bills are drawn up in Washington is completely asinine. Why there is stuff in a defense bill that has to do with unemployment benefits is beyond me. But as ridiculous as all of this is, that's not the stupidest part yet.

No, that honor goes to this part of the article: "Indefinite military detention of Americans became the law of the land Saturday, as President Barack Obama signed a defense bill that codified that authority, even as he said he would not use it."

::: blink ::: ::: blink :::

You have GOT to be kidding me. President Barry just signed a bill that allows for the government to detain American citizens as long as they want to for whatever reason they want (or don't want) to have and I'm supposed to feel better because he said that he isn't going to do that?! Please, someone, anyone, tell me that the last part was not actually uttered and included in his justification for signing this thing as a way to make anyone feel better. Do these people realize that Barack Obama is not our king? Do they realize that eventually, whether it be this year or four years from now, someone else will be President of the United States? Do they realize that any and all future Presidents can use that authority regardless as to whether President Barry says that he will or will not? Do they realize that if that law is on the books (and it is) that someone will one day use it?! Why am I the only one flipping out over this?!

See, this isn't one of those things where the brain dead argument of "If I'm not doing anything wrong then I don't have anything to worry about" doesn't come into play at all. That's the exact problem with this law! You don't have to be doing anything wrong to have something to worry about. All you need to have is some overzealous a-hole in a position to detain you and that's it. You're screwed. You're indefinitely screwed. If that doesn't chill you to your very core then might I suggest moving somewhere a bit more oppressive than the United States? North Korea, perhaps? You'll love it there.

I cannot believe that President Barry went ahead and signed that bill with that new law in it. What good is our Constitution if there can be federal laws enacted that will essentially strip away all of our rights that are guaranteed to us under said Constitution? And while I'm mad at President Barry, I'm absolutely appalled at Congress, as voted something like 94-6 in favor of this provision. All of those people who voted for this need to be thrown out of their office on their ass as soon as possible. For God's sake, please do not vote in November to re-elect any of these jokers that are currently in office and making decisions like this. Lord only knows what they'll come up with next time.

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Roll The Clip

Remember the two idiots from yesterday? The one who had cocaine up his butt and the other one who ate it out of his butt and died? Yeah. Those idiots. Well, I found video of them when they were in the back of the police car! It appears to be before the ingenious cocaine-in-ass-eating plan was hatched. And the moron who was carrying the coke up his butt is just a wuss. His voice is all high pitched like a little girl's. (And that's offensive to little girls because I have the feeling that they would have been able to man up more than that dude did.) It's kind of hard to hear exactly what they're saying. I think his grill gets in the way of proper enunciation or something. Also, I'm pretty sure that he starts to cry at one point. Now, if you're hoping to actually see the one guy turn the other guy's backside into a drug laden buffet, you're going to be sorely disappointed. And I can pretty much guarantee that you're not going to be overly surprised, either. Now, if it had shown the actual part where the actual cocaine ingestion takes place, then you would have been surprised. But this is just stupid in action. Enjoy! (If the link doesn't work, click here.)

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He Did What?

You know what is an important thing to learn early on in life? Taking responsibility. Yes, it really sucks when you get caught doing something that you weren't supposed to be doing in the first place, but it's important that you learn how to admit that you were in the wrong and then accept the consequences that come your way as a result. See, because if Wayne Mitchell had taken that advice he probably wouldn't have tried to help his brother try to get out of being caught with a bunch of cocaine. And if he had done that, well, it's almost certain that he wouldn't have ate the cocaine that was in his brother's arse at the time. (Yes, you read that correctly.) And if he hadn't eaten the ass-coke, he would probably be alive today. I'm just saying.

Here's the story according to something called Click Orlando. It seems that Deangelo Mitchell and his brother, 20-year-old Wayne Mitchell, were "...taken into custody on allegations they had drugs in their car." (And trust me when I tell you that everyone reading this is going to wish that they did have their drugs in the car instead of where they actually were.) Now, I don't know where they were when "the incident" took place, but the picture accompanying the story seems to imply that they were in the back of the police car. I could be wrong though. However, if you were hoping to put together a good visual to go along with this nuttiness, go with the back of the police car. It looked like this. Behold!

So that's one of them. I can't say that he looks real bright. Maybe I'm wrong, though. Maybe he's a genius. (I'm not wrong and you know it. He's not exactly Rainman.) The point here is that when they were arrested, Deangelo had a butt full of drugs. Literally. There were drugs in his butt. Maybe his pockets were full. I don't really know. But Deangelo knew. He knew of the drugs that had been inserted into his rectum. And he knew that the cops would eventually find them as well. That's when his mission became clear. He needed to remove the drugs from his butt. But how?

Funny you should ask. Deangelo decided to ask his brother for a favor. That favor was for Wayne to apparently remove the cocaine from Deangelo's rectal cavity by using his teeth/mouth. Bluntly put, he wanted him to eat it out of there. Now, before you go off all thinking that was a crazy thing one to do, just remember that Wayne agreed to it. Who's the crazy one now, huh? And before you go thinking for sure that it's Wayne, just let me first tell you that he DID get the cocaine out of Deangelo's butt. So, it's not like he agreed to anything that he couldn't follow through with. (I really have no idea what I'm saying here. I find this entire story so disgusting and unbelievable that I'm kind of at a loss for words and I'm really trying to wing it here without flipping out.)

But it turns out that swallowing an entire ounce of cocaine can kill you. Who knew? Well, I'm assuming that Wayne didn't know. Considering that he's now dead, I'm guessing that he has some idea about that now. That's right. It killed him. According to North Charleston Police Chief Jon Zumalt "It's sickening." Hard to disagree with that. He also added, "I got upset when I saw the whole thing. I was pretty shocked on it." Wait. When you...saw the whole thing?! Did this guy used to work at Penn State or something?! How does one see the whole thing and not maybe intervene before the whole thing is over?! How does someone see the whole thing and not make it so that it isn't a whole entire thing?! What is going on over there in North Charleston anyway?! Whatever it is, make it STOP! This is NOT the kind of thing that we can have going on all the time! Just having it go on ONCE is bad enough. Good Lord, what in the world is wrong with people?!

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That's A Kick In The Pants

Well, just when the you thought that whole Gaddafi thing couldn't get any weirder, it kind of did. Those rebels were pissed at him. And from what you can see when you slow down the video of his capture, it would appear that the rebels felt that a just action at the time would be attempting to shove some sort of stick or handle up his arse, a la sodomy style. Behold!

Hmm. Yes, yes there does appear to be someone attempting to rectally insert that...object. But I'm going to need another picture. What else do we have?

Yeah, he's pretty intent on getting whatever that is up Gaddafi's ass. Interesting. But really, how far does he expect that thing to go when he's still wearing pants? I appreciate the effort, but it seem futile.

But he does really give it the ol' rebel try there, I'll give him that. And that aside, I'm not quite convinced that this falls in the category of being "sodomized". Oh, it looks absolutely uncomfortable, there's not much of a doubt about that. But I don't know that it isn't sensationalism to say that he was sodomized. He was poked in the butt with some sort of poking device. And while that is extremely accurate, I guess it just doesn't make for a very good headline.

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