Sunday, March 18, 2012

He Doesn't Seem Exhausted

Remember that guy yesterday that was arrested for "publicly masturbating" even though he was butt-ass naked and standing on a busy street corner flapping his arms like a disturbed chicken in Los Angeles? What? I don't know. Maybe 5'10"? Brown hair? Yeah, HIM! Glad you're with me. OK, well, get this: The chief executive of the charity that he set up issued a statement yesterday about this latest development. He said: "Jason Russell was unfortunately hospitalized yesterday suffering from exhaustion, dehydration and malnutrition." Uhhh...what?

First of all, did you see the video? Yeah, having him in a hospital is far from unfortunate. He was standing naked at an intersection in Los Angeles. On purpose! I think that having him in a hospital is a pretty good idea. Not unfortunate at all. Necessary at the very least. How is it unfortunate to have someone who was naked on a street corner now in a hospital? Seems fine to me.

But let's look at the rest of that statement "...suffering from exhaustion, dehydration and malnutrition." Really? Listen, back in November, my 79-year old mother got extremely dehydrated and needed to be hospitalized. (Again, not unfortunate. It was better than having her not in the hospital.) You know what she didn't do? Well, she didn't strip off all of her clothes and go down to a busy intersection and start flapping her arms like a cracked out chicken! That's because that's not what happens when you're suffering from "exhaustion, dehydration and malnutrition". It's right there in the description! Exhaustion! When I'm exhausted, I don't have the energy to do much, let alone get naked and go find a busy intersection at where I will commence with my version of the Funky Chicken.

I guess his family or someone else also issued a statement saying that he wasn't under the influence of drugs or alcohol during this odd display. Why would you say that? Wouldn't you rather just go with "He was stoned out of his mind. This is not behavior that he would display as a completely sober individual. Nope. He was Gonzo. Completely sane and normal dude when he isn't wasted. But when he is, the just clothes...come off! Sorry 'bout that." That seems to be the perfect route to go. Why do these people always insist on making up stories that we all know are complete crap? Just tell us the truth. We already know and at least that way, we might end up with a shred of respect for you. Doing it this way just makes us think of you as a dumb, naked, chicken wing flapping lunatic.

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