He Doesn't Seem Exhausted

Remember that guy yesterday that was arrested for "publicly masturbating" even though he was butt-ass naked and standing on a busy street corner flapping his arms like a disturbed chicken in Los Angeles? What? I don't know. Maybe 5'10"? Brown hair? Yeah, HIM! Glad you're with me. OK, well, get this: The chief executive of the charity that he set up issued a statement yesterday about this latest development. He said: "Jason Russell was unfortunately hospitalized yesterday suffering from exhaustion, dehydration and malnutrition." Uhhh...what?

First of all, did you see the video? Yeah, having him in a hospital is far from unfortunate. He was standing naked at an intersection in Los Angeles. On purpose! I think that having him in a hospital is a pretty good idea. Not unfortunate at all. Necessary at the very least. How is it unfortunate to have someone who was naked on a street corner now in a hospital? Seems fine to me.


But let's look at the rest of that statement "...suffering from exhaustion, dehydration and malnutrition." Really? Listen, back in November, my 79-year old mother got extremely dehydrated and needed to be hospitalized. (Again, not unfortunate. It was better than having her not in the hospital.) You know what she didn't do? Well, she didn't strip off all of her clothes and go down to a busy intersection and start flapping her arms like a cracked out chicken! That's because that's not what happens when you're suffering from "exhaustion, dehydration and malnutrition". It's right there in the description! Exhaustion! When I'm exhausted, I don't have the energy to do much, let alone get naked and go find a busy intersection at where I will commence with my version of the Funky Chicken.



I guess his family or someone else also issued a statement saying that he wasn't under the influence of drugs or alcohol during this odd display. Why would you say that? Wouldn't you rather just go with "He was stoned out of his mind. This is not behavior that he would display as a completely sober individual. Nope. He was Gonzo. Completely sane and normal dude when he isn't wasted. But when he is, the just clothes...come off! Sorry 'bout that." That seems to be the perfect route to go. Why do these people always insist on making up stories that we all know are complete crap? Just tell us the truth. We already know and at least that way, we might end up with a shred of respect for you. Doing it this way just makes us think of you as a dumb, naked, chicken wing flapping lunatic.

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Public Buffoonery

I'm guessing that by now, you've seen the Kony 2012 video that was everywhere. And if you haven't seen it, you're still not going to see it here. Don't get me wrong. That Kony guy is bad and probably needs to be shot. But I question the integrity behind the "charity" that made the video. So there's that. But there's something else, too! Yeah, the guy who made that video, a one Jason Russell, was arrested yesterday for what the media keeps calling "public masturbation". I didn't really know what that meant, but then this video appeared over at TMZ and while I think the media got the terminology wrong, the video is worth a watch. Pretty awesome to see someone who is obviously in the throes of some sort of mental snap.

Do you see what I'm saying?! In what way was that any sort of public masturbation? That was more like "stand on the corner naked and flap your arms like a chicken". I don't know if that specific instance is in the Los Angeles penal code (Heh-heh. Penal.), but I guess that it should be given this display! Holy moly. I don't even know what you'd call that (other than really freakin' weird), but it's definitely probably something that you're going to get arrested for. (Don't try this at home, kids!)

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Stop Something 2012

By now, I'm sure that you've had someone try and make you watch the Kony 2012 video. I guess that I'm all for awareness, but I don't like things like this because I worry that it gives people the feeling of false accomplishment. Oh, I watched a video! My knowledge of this subject is going to change the world because I'll tell everyone how bad it is and when everybody knows then things will be different. Yeah, no. You know what happens when you watch a video? Any video? You get to see whatever that video was about. That's it. Maybe you learn something. Maybe not. The point is that the world is going to be exactly the same after you've watched as it was before you'd watched.

But I digress. My point here is that while I think the whole Kony campaign awareness thing (I really don't know what to call it) is commendable in a way (that people just can't think of anything else to do other than post that link or that picture on their Facebook page), can't we all come together and try to rid the planet of another abomination that is taking over? It might not be as bad as the Joseph Kony guy kidnapping children to use as sex slaves and soldiers, but it's right up there. Behold!

See? The horror! This must end before any more children are subjected to this evil torture! Act now! Put it on your Facebook wall! Do whatever you must to spread the word! Because really, do you think your simply spreading the word about the Kony thing is going to help? In words that would be similar to those of the great Jay-Z, "If you posting 'bout Kony, I feel bad for you son. He took 99 kids and your status saved none."

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