Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The South Will Not Rise Again

We have a problem. Actually, we have two problems. They are, in no particular order, Mississippi and Alabama. Let the jokes about people in the South begin! Oh, what? You don't like that? Too "stereotypical" for you? Let me take this opportunity to point out (once again) that all stereotypes come from somewhere and the South isn't doing much to make sure that doesn't happen. And really, it's embarrassing. The rest of the country weeps for you, Mississippi and Alabama. Jesus...

According to the Huffington Post, there is a group called Public Policy Polling (PPP for short. Catchy, no?). They have released information based upon a poll that they did of "likely GOP primary voters". They surveyed 600 such folks in Alabama and 656 such folks in Mississippi. (Now, in all fairness, I don't know if that is an adequate enough survey sample to make these results statistically valid. I do know that it's a fair number of people polled. If it had been only one hundred or two hundred, I wouldn't even bother with the results. But at least six hundred seems to be a fair number.) Among the questions these rubes folks were asked was "Do you think Barack Obama is a Christian or a Muslim, or are you not sure?" The results are not encouraging.

In Alabama, 45% of the people who could figure out how to press the buttons on their phone said that President Barry was a Muslim. 45%! And another 41% were "not sure". So, over there in Alabama, 86% of the folks surveyed either think he's a Muslim or just don't know! And eighty-six percent is getting really close to the number where you can say things like "Dang near everyone thinks this." Eighty-six percent. Now, I will also point out that when asked "Do you believe in evolution?", sixty percent answered that they did not believe in evolution. (And after reading some of these poll results, I'm actually questioning how far along the evolutionary process has actually gotten in Alabama.) 13% were "not sure" of evolution. So more people either believe President Barry is or could be a Muslim than they do believe in evolution. I think I'm going to cry.

Things aren't much better over yonder in Mississippi, either. When they were asked if President Barry was a Muslim, 52% of those mouth breathers said that they believed he was. And 36% said that they were "not sure". That's eighty-eight percent for those of you keeping track. Eighty-eight percent either think he's a secret Muslim or don't know if he is or not. Eighty-eight. As you can imagine, evolution isn't faring too well in that part of the country either. Sixty-six percent of Mississippians (Mississippites?) don't believe in evolution. Two-thirds. Didn't happen. Eleven percent were "not sure". Seventy-seven percent don't believe in or are not sure of evolution, but eighty-eight percent are leaning toward a secret Muslim in the White House. Oh, how I wish that I could prove a direct correlation between the two schools of thought. (Don't get me wrong. I think we both know the correlation is there. I was just saying that I wished we could prove it.)

This is not good. This is not good at all. And I'm not actually sure which one appalls me more, the secret Muslim part or the evolution part. It doesn't seem to be something that correlates with race, as 54% of the softheads in Mississippi and 67% of the ones in Alabama think that interracial marriage is OK. (Barely over half, Mississippi? You should be ashamed of yourself. What are you afraid of? It's 2012!) I guess the only correlation is the deep south. Well, that and that most of the people that answered these questions said that they were somewhat to very conservative. That's really giving conservative folk a bad name! I'm going to say this again and I know it won't be the last time that I need to say it. President Barry is not a secret Muslim. He's a socialist. I repeat, a socialist. Now if only the southern states can pull their heads out of their collective arses long enough to hear and understand that message, then things can start getting back to normal around here. (And by the way, evolution happened. It did. If you need proof, it's called science. Now knock it off and start answering poll questions that are based in fact correctly.)

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