Thursday, June 28, 2012

Loophole!

If I were a lawyer (and I think that we can all breathe a sigh of relief that I am not), I think that I could help this woman that was arrested in Florida (of course) the other day.  I'm pretty sure that I could get her off on a fairly glaring, yet rather subtle, technicality.  See if you follow me here. 

What we have is a 400-pound woman, a one 52-year old Patricia McCollum, who was sitting at a bus stop in Fort Lauderdale.  She allegedly decided that she needed to change clothes, perhaps to something more summery as the seasons have changed, and felt that the best place to do so was right there at the bus stop.  She is currently sans home, so I guess that changing right in the middle of everything was the best that she felt that she could do?  I don't know.  Me, I'm thinking, what's the rush?  Wait until it's dark outside before you go off doing something like that.  Find someplace besides a bus stop for cryin' out loud.  Other people sit on that thing.  I'm pretty sure they don't want someone's bare arse on it.  But I digress. 

So you've got a naked, homeless, 400 pounder at a bus stop.  Naturally, she got arrested.  The charge?  According to UPI, she was charged with "...exposure of sexual organs in public".  Hold it.  Wait just a minute there.  Exposure of sexual organs?  For real?  Is that even possible with a 400-pound woman sitting on a bus bench?  I'm not so sure that it is!  I'm not so sure that would be possible without some sort of a series of levers and pulleys in order for things to be exposed.  400 pounds is a whole lotta woman.  And while she may not have been clothed, I'm going to go ahead and guess that her sexual organs were not exposed to anyone (and probably haven't been for quite some time).  

I realize it might not be the best defense anyone has ever come up with, but it certainly can't be the worst one either.  And really, the solution to things like this is to simply not change your clothes in public no matter how much you weigh.  But I'm thinking that if someone weighs 400 pounds and is naked in public, you're going to have to come up with something a little bit more applicable than "exposure of sexual organs in public"  because that simply didn't happen.  Naked or not, it didn't happen.  

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