America's Got Talent was on tonight. I've seen a better selection of characters, but at least there was some variety. Now, variety is something that you're not going to find on Buraydah's Got Talent. Yeah, they're a little bit more rigid with their rules over there in Saudi Arabia, as I'm sure you can imagine. It starts with no women or children being allowed to participate and it just goes from there. I don't know how they're going to find the next Susan Boyle without allowing women in, but then again, that might not be exactly what they're looking for.
As long as you're not a woman or a child and you don't sing or dance, you can participate in this odd, odd talent contest according to the Daily Mail. I know that doesn't seem like it would leave a lot of options, but I'm sure they improvise. Camel riding, maybe? Or wait! Camel racing. There we go! Or maybe the guy just stands up there and says, "Here's my talent: I shall kill a Sunni." (Wait. Are they Sunni or Shiite in Saudi Arabia? I always get them mixed up. I think they're Sunni. Actually, that makes the joke a little bit funnier. I'll leave it.) Maybe they drill for oil? I don't know exactly. I am merely speculating because it's amusing to do so.
So what is allowed? Well, there is religious chanting, of course! You can't have a talent show without a religious chanting category! Sticking with that theme, you may also showcase your talents in the religious poetry category. Now, I'm kind of thinking that religious chanting is just religious poetry with a beat. I'm really not seeing a lot of difference between the two. And the final category is sporting feats. I don't know if that means things like juggling or if it means playing soccer. Soccer seems like it would be odd. I realize that it's a popular sport over there, but it's hardly a "talent".
What sort of acts could they have? Is chopping off people's hands for shoplifting considered a talent? What if the guy can lop it off right exactly on the wrist, first try, while blindfolded? Now that would be a talent! It'd be gross, but talented. I'm really at a loss as to how these meager categories would be sufficient enough to find "talent". What's the slogan going to be? "Come for the religious chanting. Stay for the religious poetry." It's catchy, but I don't think it's enough. This is amazing. And by 'amazing', I mean incredibly boring.
I wonder if they follow the same format as America's Got Talent. Do they have people try out and then the judges mock them mercilessly when they fail to impress? ("You call that a Quran reading?! Get outta here!" Then the contestant goes offstage into the arms of Mom, who's wearing her full beekeeper uniform, and is told "You really are talented! You don't listen to those judges! They don't know a good religious chanting when they hear one! You can really read the Quran. You'll be famous one day for...reading the Quran. You'll show 'em!") What if the religious poet has a lisp? Are they going to pick on him and point that out before denying him his trip to...to...I guess I don't know where they go. In America, the contestants that make it past the first round go to Vegas. There's not a lot of religious chanting and religious poetry readings going on in Vegas, so I'm guessing it won't be there. Mecca maybe?
I know different cultures are into different things, but this seems like it would be incredibly boring on any standard. No women. No children. That should tell you something right there. Nothing but religious themed vocals and undefined acts of sports. Are they that starved for good entertainment over in Saudi Arabia? Never mind the good part. Just entertainment in general! Well, good luck to them. I hope that they find their next Saudi Arabian sensation...whatever that would mean.