Saturday, June 2, 2012

No Need For Questions

Did you hear about the guy down on Florida who was all hopped up on some sort of wacky new drug (bath salts, I believe) and ate a homeless guy's face clean off? If you haven't heard about it, it's just exactly what it sounds like it is.  Florida is really trying hard to solidify its status as America's wackiest state.  And with this little incident, I don't think that they have anything to worry about.  The title is safely in the hands of its people.

And of course, what do you think happened after the guy was shot dead right in the middle of all of the face eating (also known as cannibalism)?  That's right.  Members of his family and people who knew him were interviewed.  Do you think that their answers differed from other times that people have done horrible things and people who knew them are asked about their character?  (As if it would even matter at that point.  I don't care if someone was a freaking Boy Scout for his entire life.  If you eat off someone's face, every good thing that you'd accomplished prior to your meal is irrelevant.)  Of course they didn't. 

It's not even just the interviews that are asinine.  Here's a headline from the Miami Herald: "Questions remain about why naked man on Miami causeway tried to rip flesh off another man's face". Questions remain?  Well, of course questions remain!  He ate the guy's face, for cryin' out loud!  It's not easily explained!  And really, what if it was?  Is an explanation going to make people think, "Ohhhh.  So that's why.  Oh, well, that makes sense!  OK.  I was confused before I heard the explanation.  But now that it's been explained, it's all good."  Does that EVER happen? I don't think it does. 

And why can't the "explanation" ever just be something simple.  eg, Hey, the guy was nutty as a fruit bat.  He was also high as a freaking kite.  Why isn't something like that ever given as the "explanation"?  Why does there always have to be some sort of deep seeded meaning in these things?  Crazy is a highly underrated rationale for many, many behaviors.  I wish people would realize that more and act accordingly.  Then again, it helps if the person being asked these questions isn't a little bit crazy themselves, as seems to be the case with his girlfriend. 

See, the girlfriend was asked for her thoughts on the matter and she came up with a couple of really great possibilities.  The first was that he "...was drugged unknowingly."  Because of course, that's the sort of thing that happens all the time.  One minute you're fine and the next minute, you're drugged unknowingly and gnawing someone's face off.  It's either that or "The only other explanation, she said, was supernatural — that someone put a voodoo curse on him. The girlfriend...said she has never believed in voodoo, until now."  Right.  That's the only other explanation.  Voodoo.  A voodoo curse.  Because again, it's the sort of thing that happens all the time.  The ol' voodoo curse.  The ol' VDC.   Naturally.  Because according to her ""I don't know how else to explain this."  Yep.  Because it's either a voodoo curse or nothing.  All rightee then.  I think I'm done here.

Shouldn't that answer alone be reason enough to stop asking people their opinions on things like this?  Then again, maybe that answer alone is exactly the reason why people keep getting asked their opinions on things like that.  Voodoo curse is a pretty amusing answer.  And it definitely gives me a look inside of a cage at the human zoo that I didn't know was there.  OK, I'm convinced.  We should keep these sorts of interviews around.  I can't believe my mind was so easily swayed.  Do you think it was a voodoo curse?  I don't know how else to explain it. 

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