World's Worst People Ever

I have discovered two of the most horrible people on the planet. Not only did these two losers steal money from a 9-year old girl selling Girl Scout cookies outside of a supermarket, but their don't-give-an-eff attitude about the whole thing is particularly disturbing. I have never encountered anyone as morally bankrupt as these two. I really don't know what to say about them other than I wish that they would just hurry up and get it over with and commit the crime that is going to put them behind bars for the rest of their lives. I cannot possibly see either one of these two completely amoral individuals not spending a good portion of their life behind bars due to some crime that they've committed because they have absolutely NO moral compass to guide them in any sort of a direction other than straight to hell. And I realize that it happened a few years ago, but the video has been making a resurgence lately for some reason. Anyway, behold!

Did I tell you? I told you! It literally makes me a little sick to my stomach to watch that video. Their explanations are at such a primal level that I'm surprised that they're actually human. And their ability to comprehend the problems with their actions is simply amazing to me. Like the one girl who was "pissed" because even though they were caught and charged, they still had to give the money back! She just didn't seem to understand, if they were being charged, why they had to give the money back. It almost came across as it would have been totally worth it to them if they had gotten to keep the money...that they stole! But it was just so telling when the one was asked if she had learned anything from this and her immediate response was "Not to get caught." That's what she learned. "Oh, and maybe not to steal." You think?! Good Lord. Their candidness is what is really alarming. Their willingness to freely talk with the reporter about what they did is disturbing. This isn't going to end well. I guarantee it.

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No Need For Questions

Did you hear about the guy down on Florida who was all hopped up on some sort of wacky new drug (bath salts, I believe) and ate a homeless guy's face clean off? If you haven't heard about it, it's just exactly what it sounds like it is.  Florida is really trying hard to solidify its status as America's wackiest state.  And with this little incident, I don't think that they have anything to worry about.  The title is safely in the hands of its people.

And of course, what do you think happened after the guy was shot dead right in the middle of all of the face eating (also known as cannibalism)?  That's right.  Members of his family and people who knew him were interviewed.  Do you think that their answers differed from other times that people have done horrible things and people who knew them are asked about their character?  (As if it would even matter at that point.  I don't care if someone was a freaking Boy Scout for his entire life.  If you eat off someone's face, every good thing that you'd accomplished prior to your meal is irrelevant.)  Of course they didn't. 

It's not even just the interviews that are asinine.  Here's a headline from the Miami Herald: "Questions remain about why naked man on Miami causeway tried to rip flesh off another man's face". Questions remain?  Well, of course questions remain!  He ate the guy's face, for cryin' out loud!  It's not easily explained!  And really, what if it was?  Is an explanation going to make people think, "Ohhhh.  So that's why.  Oh, well, that makes sense!  OK.  I was confused before I heard the explanation.  But now that it's been explained, it's all good."  Does that EVER happen? I don't think it does. 


And why can't the "explanation" ever just be something simple.  eg, Hey, the guy was nutty as a fruit bat.  He was also high as a freaking kite.  Why isn't something like that ever given as the "explanation"?  Why does there always have to be some sort of deep seeded meaning in these things?  Crazy is a highly underrated rationale for many, many behaviors.  I wish people would realize that more and act accordingly.  Then again, it helps if the person being asked these questions isn't a little bit crazy themselves, as seems to be the case with his girlfriend. 

See, the girlfriend was asked for her thoughts on the matter and she came up with a couple of really great possibilities.  The first was that he "...was drugged unknowingly."  Because of course, that's the sort of thing that happens all the time.  One minute you're fine and the next minute, you're drugged unknowingly and gnawing someone's face off.  It's either that or "The only other explanation, she said, was supernatural — that someone put a voodoo curse on him. The girlfriend...said she has never believed in voodoo, until now."  Right.  That's the only other explanation.  Voodoo.  A voodoo curse.  Because again, it's the sort of thing that happens all the time.  The ol' voodoo curse.  The ol' VDC.   Naturally.  Because according to her ""I don't know how else to explain this."  Yep.  Because it's either a voodoo curse or nothing.  All rightee then.  I think I'm done here.


Shouldn't that answer alone be reason enough to stop asking people their opinions on things like this?  Then again, maybe that answer alone is exactly the reason why people keep getting asked their opinions on things like that.  Voodoo curse is a pretty amusing answer.  And it definitely gives me a look inside of a cage at the human zoo that I didn't know was there.  OK, I'm convinced.  We should keep these sorts of interviews around.  I can't believe my mind was so easily swayed.  Do you think it was a voodoo curse?  I don't know how else to explain it. 

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Just Keep Quiet

Once again, a scumbag was arrested for a heinous crime.  And once again, at least one family member had to speak out in favor of said scumbag.  I've said it countless times before, but I guess that it's time to repeat it.  Please, relatives of scumbags, do NOT defend these asshats when you speak with the media.  Better yet?  Don't speak to the media.  I don't need to see you, armed with minimal information, defending someone who appears to be clearly guilty (or, at the very least, mired in some extremely questionable circumstances which could use a whole lot of explaining) simply because you're related to them.  Please stop this.  Please stop this now.

The alleged scumbag is Antolin Garcia-Torres.  He's being charged with kidnapping and murder in the case of the disappearance of Sierra Lamar.  They arrested him after having him under 24-hour surveillance because his DNA was found in her discarded bag of clothes after she disappeared.  After his car was impounded, they found Sierra's DNA inside of his car.  Of course, he's told his mom that he's never seen her before.  Naturally.  Actually, what he said was "I've never seen that lady. I've never made contact with her."  (I kind of thought that was a weird thing to say about a 15-year old.  "That lady"?  Really?  She's 15, dude.)  


Anyway, his sister was interviewed and she has decided that he's innocent.  There's his DNA all over the place and his sister has the nerve to say that he's innocent.  What she said (among other things) was "It wasn't him."  Right.  Of course.  Because she knows what he's been doing at every moment of every day.  It wasn't him?  Please pipe down.  She has absolutely zero basis to say such a thing and in light of the evidence that's out there, I find it rather insulting that she'd go there.

She went on to say, among other things, "I'm sure he didn't do it. We're all sure."  Well, I gotta tell you, I'm not so sure.  Has anyone explained to her about the DNA evidence that they have?  It's probably pretty unusual for a guy to have the DNA of someone that he's never met in his car.  It's probably equally as unusual for the guy to have his very own DNA on the clothing of someone he's never met as well.  I wonder if his all knowing sister has any explanation for any of that?  I'm guessing that she doesn't.  Did I also mention that she called him "genuine" and "sweet".  Yeah, those are not the adjectives that you want to use when describing someone in his situation. 


If, God forbid, you ever find yourself in the unfortunate situation that Antolin Garcia-Torres' sister finds herself in, might I please request once again that you say nothing in defense of the person.  Please don't tell us what a great guy you think he is.  Please don't tell us that you know he's innocent, when in reality, you know nothing.  Please don't say anything that even remotely comes to the defense of likely and alleged scumbags who kidnap young 15-year old girls and allegedly kill them.  (Do you have any idea how much I despise feeling the need to throw in the 'allegedly' part?  I'm a big fan of DNA evidence.  And also of reality.)  Just keep quiet.  There's nothing that you can say at that point that is going to make anything any better.  The situation is a mess and  you need to start dealing with that.  The best way to deal with it?  Not do interviews where you defend those sorts of people.  That's going to be best for everyone involved. 

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There's No Love Crimes

As I'm sure you're well aware, I don't understand people. They fascinate me, but I just don't get the majority of 'em. Criminals really perplex me, as do some of our laws for dealing with certain criminals. Those laws would include the recently coined "hate crimes". Hate crimes confuse me because they seem to attempt to make horrible things even more horrible if the reasons why the crimes were committed have anything to do with any sort of bias. Like for some reason, if you beat the crap out of someone because they're gay or because they're a certain race you don't care for, somehow that is supposed to be perceived as worse than if you had just beaten the crap out of someone without that bias. I just don't know if the person who was beaten really cares why. I'm guessing that they wished that they hadn't been beaten at all. What I'm trying to say here is that I don't understand how it's "worse" if we know the reason why someone chose a particular victim.

But apparently, it's become a fairly big deal. Let's look at the events that took place in Tulsa on Good Friday of this year. Turns out, that particular Friday wasn't quite so good for a lot of people. That's because a couple of losers decided to go on a shooting spree and ended up shooting five people and killing three of them. Not very good at all. The idiots who are allegedly responsible (Translation: they most likely totally did it) for these acts are now being charged with hate crimes because their victims were black and the assailants are not. I have no idea if they're actually racists or not. But does it really matter? It probably doesn't to the dead people. They're dead whether their killer was a racist or just an idiot. And I still don't see how one is worse than the other.

The LA Times has an article about this very thing. And in it, we learn that one of the shooters, a one Jacob England, would like to assure all of us that he's not a racist. As if that makes this any better for anyone! See how silly hate crime laws are? ("You killed my mother? Oh, but you're not a racist? Well, OK then! I feel much better the senseless slaughter of my relative. Carry on!") You can see the video of Jacob the (allegedly) Guilty at the link above. He's a little difficult to understand because he doesn't exactly enunciate very well, but it's really kind of a moot point since I don't think that anything that he has to say at this point really matters.

In the video, Jacob says, "I always got along with everybody. It didn't matter what color he was." I'm just going to go ahead and guess that he didn't always get along with everybody. And I'm pretty sure that he's not getting along with "everybody" right now. I'm guessing that there are some people out there, say...the relatives of the people that he allegedly shot, that he's not going to be getting along with so well.

For some reason, Jacob's mother had sent a letter to the folks who are now Jacob's lawyers. She probably would have just gone in and talked to the lawyers in person if she hadn't been sitting in jail for the last eleven years for something related to arson. Yeah, he seems to come from a great family. Way to go, Mom! In the letter, she writes "Our family does not hate black people...Two of my beloved grandchildren are African American." Who CARES?! You're more worried about people thinking that your son is a racist as opposed to them thinking that he is a murderer?! This is what we've arrived at?! For reals?!

She goes on to write that "Jake had a lot of responsibilities piled on him and I think it was too much." Yeah, that's not much of a defense, either. I was unaware that having a lot of responsibilities could cause someone to go out and just start shooting random people one day. I think that I'd prefer that she said that he was a racist. At least that would be relevant. Too many responsibilities? Pipe down.

Do you see what I'm saying? This guy allegedly/probably killed a bunch of people. And really, if it was someone that I loved who had been killed by this guy for what is essentially no reason at all, I don't know if having a reason is going to make it better or worse. That's why the term "hate crime" is ridiculous. It's not like there's any such thing as a "love crime". I think that most crime isn't exactly what I'd call friendly. Giving it a certain name and somehow implying that one sort of murder is worse than another sort of murder doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

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A Wife Sentence

Well, here's a match made in heaven for you. What we have here are two people who are currently incarcerated (and don't seem to be getting out any time soon) who have fallen in love and have taken the plunge and married each other. All from behind bars. For some reason that I'm not quite clear on. Meet Marissa Star Bilotti the love of her life, Iftekhar Murtaza. (You can pronounce that however you'd like.) Their whirlwind romance began in January when they were both behind bars. I should mention that they're both still behind bars and will both likely continue to be behind bars for years to come. And trust, it's not a tragedy.

According to the OC Register, these two lovebirds met when "...Bilotti sent Murtaza a letter at the suggestion of another female inmate". Of course. Because that sounds like a good way to hook a fella. Find another inmate. He will probably be more likely than a free, law-abiding man to understand how she came to be in her predicament. What is her predicament you ask? Let's see...oh, here it is! She is charged with "...first-degree murder, burglary, and robbery." See, she allegedly helped her boyfriend kill some guy in 2010. She allegedly "...concealed a folded knife in her vagina while waiting in a getaway car." Sure. That's real normal. I'm sure she's a peach.

But what about him, you ask? Again, an upstanding citizen. This gentleman is charged with "...abducting the father and sister of his ex-girlfriend, beating them to death, and then setting their bodies on fire in an Irvine park in May 2007." Now, now. Let's not judge right away. Maybe there wasn't any kindling available. And besides, what if it's a misunderstanding? She doesn't want to take the chance of not marrying this prince based on a simple misunderstanding, does she? Apparently not.

"They got to know each other through a furious exchange of letters, sometimes six a day." See, I don't get that. Six a day? I understand that they don't have much else to do in there, but why not just shove the rest of the letter in the same envelope? It's certainly not very thrifty the way that they're going about it. I hope they take a look at that as they begin their life as a lawfully wedded couple. An efficient running household is really something to strive for.

From what I can tell from reading the article, there was an awful lot of red tape that had to be gone through in order to make it so that these two felons could be joined in felonious matrimony. Why this was even an option is beyond me. I certainly hope that it didn't cost the taxpayers any money. It's bad enough that the public is already likely paying for these scumbags lawyers. (Oh. Sorry. Alleged scumbags.) Why should anyone give a fat rat's ass if these guys get married or not? They're in freaking jail! For killing people! How is their being able to get married any sort of a priority for anyone?! Keep your eye on the ball people! For cryin' out loud.

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They're Not In There

There are several ways to tell if you might have a drug problem. If you start missing work or going to work high, you might have a drug problem. If you start avoiding things that you once found pleasurable so that you can do drugs instead, you might have a drug problem. If you find yourself cutting open your acquaintances rectum with a straight razor to look for drugs, you might have a drug problem. Wait. What?

Correct. Meet Ethan Adam Younce, a 22-year old lad from Elkton, MD. According to something called The Dreamin' Demon, it seems that ol' Ethan and a bunch of his buddies were at a house at around 4AM. (Nothing good happens after midnight, folks. Nothing. I know that it seems like there's a lot of stuff going on, but there isn't. Nothing good, anyways. Take this story for instance. It happened after midnight and there isn't one good thing about it.) I'm assuming that young Ethan and his friends were just as high as could be because after one of the lads at the house passed out, "Younce and two others at the party believe that the man passed out has either drug money or drugs shoved up his ass." Of course. Because...well...why wouldn't he? Or something.

Naturally, Ethan and his friends, a one 27-year old (and old enough to know better) Eric Edward Allen and a one 18-year old) and also old enough to know better) Maurice Helton, woke the sleeping man up by beating him. While that does seem like an effective way to roust someone from their slumber, it really doesn't seem necessary. Oh, and speaking of things that don't seem necessary, you know what else fits into that category? What happened next, that's what!

See, because there was, by all reasonable calculations (coming from the geniuses who were convinced that this guy had a stack of drugs in the suppository position) at least FIFTY dollars worth of drugs, they decided to go looking for them. So "Younce’s accomplices held him down while Younce stripped him". And here's where it gets a little oogie. This is not for the faint at heart. It's really not for anyone, but if you can read this without squirming in your seat at least once, then you have nerves of steel at the very least.

With the guy completed naked, Younce decided to carve up his anal region like a Thanksgiving turkey. Using a silver-and-black folding razor, Younce began cutting away...down there! And of course, his friends helped him in this endeavor because they must have thought that it was a perfectly reasonable thing to do to someone who might have all of FIFTY DOLLARS worth of drugs in their rectum. Fortunately, one of the people in the house realized that nothing good happens after midnight and ran "...shrieking to a neighbor to call 911." The cops showed up. Younce was arrested. His victim went to the hospital for "...emergency butt reconstruction surgery". He made it through the surgery and surprise! No drugs were found. Shocking, I know.

I have yet to read in any of the accounts of this fiasco exactly what Mr. Younce was high on in the first place. There's no way he was sober. That sort of information could prove helpful in the war on drugs. Listen, if I were a youngster and someone was talking to me about the dangers of this Drug X that Mr. Younce was on and they mentioned that this particular drug could make someone think really crazy thoughts about what was up my butt and want to carve it out of me with a razor, you can be damn sure that I wouldn't be around anyone who did that sort of drug EVER! I highly doubt that I would be doing that drug EVER as well. It sure as heck beats that "This is your brain on drugs" campaign with the fried eggs. I don't want to turn into the person that thinks that everyone's ass is a drug pinata. That's no way to go through life, son. No way at all.

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Those Don't Go In There

Just because you can do something with your body, that certainly doesn't mean that you should. In fact, I'm going to come out against most things that you can do with your body. I'm going to come out vehemently against using your body as some sort of a storage unit/hidey hole for foreign objects in a last ditch effort to avoid getting in even more trouble.

You can tell where this is going, right? According to the news source for lovely Scranton, Pennsylvania, thetimes-tribune.com tells us the story of a one 27-year old (and old enough to know better) Karin Mackaliunas. She was apparently at the scene of some sort of automobile crash when the car was being towed. (It is unclear to me if she owned the vehicle or had anything to do with the vehicle because the media sucks and this is a poorly written article that I'm attempting to work off of here. Bear with me. These really aren't overly important details to the gist of the tale, but it does irritate the crap out of me that they're not there.) And for some reason, an officer asked for Ms. Mackaliunas "...to be detained because she was suspected of stealing items from the inn." What inn, you ask? How the heck should I know? The media sucks, remember?

She was detained and the cop found three bags of heroin in her pocket. (That gives me a pretty good idea of why she was suspected of wrongdoing in the first place. Folks that go around with heroin in their pockets are the type of folks who you would think stole everything from the inn, including the manger out back.) She gets arrested and gets driven back to the police station. It was on that ride back that the officer noticed that our heroin enthusiast was a little fidgety.

They get back to headquarters and some sort of a struggle ensues between this young lady and the arresting officer. It's unclear as to why there was a struggle. What is clear is that at some point "...Ms. Mackaliunas asked to speak with Sergeant Michael Mayer and told him she had hidden more heroin in her vagina." Of course.

The vagina is not a reasonable method of transporting drugs. It's also not a reasonable method of transporting other items as well. After a search by a doctor at Community Medical Center, it was discovered that this woman was also storing "54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, 8.5 prescription pills and $51.22." Wait. What now?

That's right. She practically had an entire freaking CVS Pharmacy up her hoo-ha. What. The. Hell. And look, I can sort of understand the drugs. And I can sort of understand the drug bags. (You have to be prepared to bag up the new drugs that you get. And what better receptacle to put your drugs in than a bag that has been sitting in a woman's vagina for God knows how long. Ewww. Don't do drugs, kids. And for God's sake, don't do any that came out of someone's vagina.) And I guess I can understand the 8.5 prescription pills. But for the love of all that is rational, I cannot fathom why she would shove fifty one dollars and change up there! Why the change?! What were you afraid of, cupcake? My God! Do you realize how much stuff that IS? If you don't, I have prepared this handy graphic to help you visualize this scenario. Behold!

Shocking, is it not? And as surprised as I am that she shoved all of that up there, I'm also surprised that it stayed up there. I mean, seriously. Without going into overtly graphic detail, if you have the square footage to cram all of those wares in there, I'm guessing that the front door isn't all that secure. You follow me? Good, because I don't want to have to explain that it must be like those swinging doors you see in the old timey saloons. Flappin' back and forth after a patron enters the bar. Wow. I think I just grossed myself out with that visual I just provided. Yep. I certainly did.

One final note here. If you're someone who enjoys doing drugs, any drugs, and someone offers you drugs that she has just pulled out of her vagina, you need to take a good hard look at your priorities in life if you're going to consider doing those drugs. Seriously. And take your time.

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First Bad Tattoo Of 2011

That didn't take long. We have our first idiotic tattoo/amusing mugshot of 2011 already! I know! Can you believe it? Well, when you consider that the perpetrator in this instance has already been arrested over fifty times, it's really not that hard to believe after all. (It's also not hard to believe that we don't get any explanation as to why this guy has been arrested over 50 times and is still out and about. But that's because the media still sucks just the same in 2011 as it did in 2010. I'm glad that we didn't have to get more than three days into the new year before that was apparent.)

It's your typical unnecessary death due to an idiot. From CNYCentral.com we learn a couple of things. One of the things that we learn is that they need a better copy editor over there, as the address in the story is first reported as 1315 North Salina Street and is later, in the same article, reported as 1513 North Salina Street. But the other stuff we learn is that there was a party and some people got into a fight and one of the people decided to get all stabby on the other guy and killed him. Real nice.

The only good that can possibly come from something like this is that the scumbag who did this will (hopefully) finally be off the streets for good. Why someone who has been arrested over fifty times is still freely wandering about is beyond me. The only other good that I can think of is that we can make fun of him in his mugshot and his stupid, stupid tattoo. Behold!

That is a one asshat Malcolm Dame. Are we surprised that he's wearing a s***-eating grin on his face? Are we surprised that he's wearing a wife beater tank top? Are we surprised that he has a tattoo that says "Only God Can Judge Me"? I don't think that we're surprised at any of that. (OK, I'm a little surprised that his tattoo runs perfectly along the neck of the wife beater. You can't tell me that wasn't planned out that way.) But I do think that he will be a little surprised when he finds out that it isn't just God that can judge him.

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This Stuff Writes Itself

Sometimes, I read stuff that will practically write itself on this blog. Today was no exception. I read this little gem over at Roanoke.com: "A man who hung his GED certificate above his methamphetamine-cooking rig, then fled police by taking to the woods with a tent and a bowl of macaroni and cheese, pleaded guilty today to charges that could send him to prison for years." Seriously, does it get much easier than that? Not by a lot it doesn't.

Here's the scoop: A one 29-year old and old enough to know better John Thomas Nelon Jr., had been making meth in his garage. That alone shows he's not all that bright to begin with. And when police received tips and conducted a search back in May, this genius left little doubt as to who the police were looking for. That's because this proud, proud scholar had conveniently hung his freaking GED certificate on the wall directly above his meth making contraption. (Is it a contraption? Or a process? I'm a little unclear on all of the particulars of the methamphetamine-production-out-of-your-garage gig.) And by the way, he looks just about like you'd expect him to look. That's him over there on the right.

Wow. 29 years old and proudly displaying your GED. I wonder when he got it? Being as how it was so prominently displayed, I would just gather he's a recent recipient of said GED. I can't figure why you'd put something like that above your meth maker. (That's what I'm going to call it since I don't know what it is.) Maybe he was doing it to impress his girlfriend. Because, you know, girls who are only fifteen are quite impressionable. Wait. What?

Correct. He has a fifteen year old girlfriend. Nice life she's living there, eh? I wonder what her story is. Actually, I can kind of probably guess what her story is and my guess would be sad. There didn't seem to be any charges relating to his having a 15-year old girlfriend, so I guess that sort of thing is just fine and dandy in Virginia. I mean, he basically admitted, by pleading guilty, that he had "...manufactured meth and that he did so in the presence of a minor." I had not idea that was even a charge. What about the other things he probably did with said minor? Y'all don't have anything for that?

Apparently, after Einstein made a break for the woods with his tent and his trusty bowl of mac n' cheese, he relied upon said girlfriend to resupply him. And with her being about as smart as he was, she apparently did not notice (or didn't even consider the possibility) that she was being watched by officers when she trotted back into the woods with...I don't know what. More mac n' cheese? Some Spaghettios, perhaps? When officers went in to apprehend him, "Nelon tried to run, but he did not outrun the police dog". I wonder what he took with him during his run that time? His peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

See, I never understand what these folks who run from the authorities are thinking is going to happen. Did he really think that his ingenious plan of fleeing into the nearby woods with A tent and A bowl of macaroni and cheese was going to help him foil a fleet of cops that were going to be looking for him? Was he hoping they were just going to give up like it was a game of Hide and Seek? Did he really think that this was going to help him in any way? He must have, but I just don't get that way of thinking. Then again, I fancy myself a tad more intelligent that a carrot, which might be a little too generous of a vegetable to compare Mr. Nelon to.

When in court, after a description of what went down was presented, "Nelon chuckled at (the) account and told the judge he did not dispute it." Even he knows how ridiculous he was! And I'll be that the wasn't the only one in that courtroom laughing. What a maroon.

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Hardly A Spree

We have a winner! Yep, with only a little over a month left to go in the year, I think we have a winner for Mugshot of the Year. Sure, there have been a lot of notable ones up to this point, but I really think this guy is going to be hard to top. Behold!

Yep. There you have it. Did I tell you? It's a winner. Apparently, the chap in that photo is a one Mark Siebenmorgen and according to the news footage over there at KATU (that's in Portland, Oregon), he "...went on a one-man crime spree last month in Milwaukie and when they caught him he graced them with this priceless look for his mug shot." Huh. Crime spree, eh? Like what kind of a crime spree? Apparently in Portland, the "crime spree" occurred when he "...walked up to a total stranger and shoved him to the ground. Minutes later, he jumped on a car, stomped on its hood, flexed his muscles and kicked out the windshield before running away. Police say they caught Siebenmorgen the next day after he showed up at a Safeway at southeast King Street making rude comments to employees." Wait. What?

THAT'S your crime spree? It sounds to me like the guy thought he was the Incredible Hulk, only without all of the turning green and hulking. I don't know if I'd call that a "crime spree". Granted, it's awfully erratic, but where is the spree part? The shoving part is uncalled for at best. Is that a crime? I guess it's assault. Kicking the windshield in is definitely a crime. Being rude to Safeway employees isn't exactly good manners, but it's hardly a crime. And this whole story is hardly worthy of the moniker "spree". No wonder he looks so crazed. He's totally misunderstood. Yeah. That's it.

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A Trial Won't Help The Crazy

From the fine folks over there at the NY Times, we learn of a one David Tarloff and his trials and tribulations. Mr. Tarloff is schizophrenic. That was evidenced no more clearly than back in 2008 when he killed his psychologist, a one Dr. Kathryn Faughey, by hacking her to death in her office. In what would seem to shock no one, Mr. Tarloff was deemed unfit to stand trial.

The article states that "This was the second time Mr. Tarloff, who has a history of psychosis, was declared unfit for trial since his arrest." Really? History of psychosis? You don't say. Was that figured out before or after all of the hacking that went on? I'm guessing that afterwards it was probably really clear if it hadn't been beforehand. In fact, after all of the slashing "His lawyers had told the court that...he was driven to it by voices that he thought were God telling him to do it." I see. So, what is it that is the problem here?

Well, last year "...doctors determined that Mr. Tarloff was in a good enough mental state to stand trial, and so the case proceeded and opening statements were expected Monday." Is that our standard now? A "good enough" mental state? Not great. Good enough. Look, I'm all for putting people on trial who are completely competent, but when you're dealing with schizophrenia, you might just want to hold off a little bit. Good enough might not actually be good enough, you know?

By the way, the reason that they declared him unfit for his trial this time? He "...refused to leave his holding cell to go to court for jury selection on Friday afternoon." That's it? He doesn't want to go into court and so that makes him unfit? Why is that? The article explains that "Someone is declared unfit when he or she is mentally unable to assist in his or her own defense." Sooo...not going into court is unable to assist in their own defense? Since when? If you're so hell bent on putting this obviously crazy individual on trial, what say you just haul his ass in there anyway and see how it goes, alright? How bad could it be? He's nuts, after all. His contribution will likely be minimal. (It will also likely be entertaining as hell, but I'm told that's not what the justice system is for.)

Look, it's pretty obvious that this guy is fruit loops. He needs a mental institution...for a long, long time. No need to rush things. It's not like he's going anywhere. But I certainly don't see any point in trying to hurry along a trial for a guy who really needs some serious head shrinking. It's just a waste of everyone's time. He did it. We know he did it. Is the trial really all that necessary when that conclusion is completely obvious? I'm not so sure that it is.

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Jail Isn't The Only Punishment

There are a whole lot of different kinds of crazy out there. Some of the crazy is the kind where the person absolutely can do something to help themselves. And the other kind of crazy is the kind where the person absolutely needs some serious freaking help. And in situations where no one else is really overly harmed, I don't think that there needs to be much more of a penalty than getting the person some serious, and I mean freaking serious, help.

Take the case of a one Bethany Storro. About a month ago, she looked like this:

She's a fairly attractive woman in that photo. I don't know that from looking at that photo (or any photo, for that matter) that you'd be able to tell that she is one seriously disturbed individual. I say that because after August 30, she looked like this:

Yeah, see the facial disfigurement that you're witnessing there came from what she claimed was a black, female stranger coming up to her on the street and throwing acid in her face. Ouchie! She said that a woman who she didn't know came up to her on the street and said something to the effect of, "Hey, pretty girl. Do you want to drink this?" The alleged woman then allegedly threw an extremely caustic substance in Ms. Storro's face. The burning off of her skin did immediately commence.

And yes, that sounds like a tragic tale. Many people thought the same thing and the donations came pouring in to the tune of around $28,000. People can be really giving and generous at times. They can also get seriously pissed off when they find out that the person that they are giving money to staged the whole thing herself and doused her own face with acid. Wait. What now?

Correct. Ms. Storro has admitted to throwing acid in her own face and making up the entire story. According to the Daily Mail (why I can't find this particular bit of information in US media sources would be simply stupefying if I hadn't already come to grips with the fact that the media blows), Ms. Storro "...had poured the drain clogging chemicals on her own face after buying it from a DIY store." So, she burned her facial skin off with Drano, essentially? Seriously. What the what?

See what I mean? She's not well. And here's where the thing gets just a little complicated. (Not much, mind you. Just a little.) See, she took those $28,000 in donations and began spending it on herself and her family. Yeah, you can't do that when you're lying about stuff. It's really frowned upon. She allegedly bought a computer, some clothes, train tickets (people still take trains?), and took her family out for expensive meals. Kind of odd behavior (if you're asking me) from someone whose face was allegedly just ruined in a random, hideous attack by a stranger.

I'm guessing it was behavior such as that which sort of clued the cops in that there might be something more to this. That and the fact that the patterns in which the acid had scarred her face were not consistent with something being splashed upon her. And when she finally confessed that she made the whole thing up, that's exactly what the deal was. It hadn't been splashed. It had been dabbed on, as "...Miss Storro told police her original plan was to commit suicide, but she changed her mind as she dabbed the acid on her face."

Holy freaking hell. How on earth could you stand the pain of having just a little acid dabbed anywhere on your body?! Then again, how on earth could you think that dabbing acid on your face would kill you? I don't know either, but when she realized that she had chosen the wrong suicidal path, "She allegedly told police: ‘When I realised it wasn’t killing me, I thought maybe this was the answer to all my problems - to have a completely different face." Turns out, it was just the beginning of her problems, though she did accomplish her goal of a completely different face.

As is the case with most instances that are completely inexplicable (totally without splick), she thought that she was smarter than everyone else. She told the police, "I thought there would be no evidence of me doing it to myself. I thought that you guys would give up trying to find the person and it would be done." Wow. Not a lot of faith in the long arm of the law. Does she not follow any news at all? If a bunny rabbit gets a blister on its paw and it makes the news, people send in donations like there is no tomorrow. Of course it isn't going to go away that easily.

Because Ms. Storro used the funds that were collected under the guise of her poorly thought out ruse, that amounts to what is called 'theft by deception' and she was charged with three felony counts of it. My question here is: Is that really necessary? Look, I understand that it is not OK at all to take advantage of the inherently good nature of a lot of people. Does this really need to go through the legal system? Can't she just be committed to a mental hospital/facility for quite some time? She is obviously in need of some intense treatment for some severe mental issues. What good is dragging this through the courts going to do? I could see it if she was one of those scumbags who claim to have cancer and then the entire town holds a myriad of bake sales and the person turns out to not have cancer at all and has spent all of the proceeds on a new double wide trailer. Those people need be dealt with by an angry mob of the people that they ripped off. But this woman? Come on. Really?

I don't know how long it will take to treat a woman with the issues that Ms. Storro obviously has, but I hope it takes a really long ass time. I hope that the folks at the facility that she has already checked herself into are going to recognize the extreme depths of her problems and treat her accordingly (unlike the dolts at UCLA who let Lindsay Lohan out after a couple of weeks and said that she doesn't have a substance abuse problem). Make her return the money that she spent and drop the charges. Trust me, she'll be punished for the rest of her life having to live her life as herself. It's never going to be easy from here on out. Isn't that enough? I think that in this case that it probably is.

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