He also looks like he's just a six pack away from chopping up a family of four with a hatchet. (So if he actually does one day, just remember you heard it here first!)
- The guy was totally naked and had his windows and front door wide open so that all of the world could view him and his self important genitalia.
- The officers who responded to this call witnessed Hammer Time "insert" an "object" into....look. I can't write it. I just can't. You can either figure it out or read the report (click the image below). First, let me give you a few hints:
- Hint One: Don't forget about all of the "inserting".
- Hint Two: The claw hammer was wrapped up in the plastic bag.
- Hint Three: Orifice.
I think I speak for everyone when I say, "EEEWWWWW!!!!" Oh, and WTF?!?! Are you kidding me?!?! :::sigh::: Apparently not.
Police report number two uses the phrase "He was completely naked, and appeared to be covered in an oily substance." I don't know exactly why, but I find that pretty funny. "Appeared to be covered in an oily substance." Just in case, you know, he really wasn't covered in 10-40W motor oil and he just "appeared" as if he was. Always have to cover your ass if you're a cop. And actually, under these circumstances, that's really not a bad idea at all.
Police report number three indicates that he could see El Perv-Meister "inserting" things when the officer was still in the yard. That means that this guy was laying buck naked on his couch that was directly in front of his front door which was wide open. AND he was doing....that! And again I say, "EEEWWWWWW!!!!" And, of course, WTF?!?!
So what have we learned here? More than we wanted to, I'll tell you that. We've learned that some people really have too much time on their hands. We've also learned that the Home Depot slogan, "You can do it, we can help" makes us nervous when we think about it in relation to the claw hammer. And we've also learned that people like this guy make an excellent argument for the reasons that we should bring back the penal colony. (Pun oh-so intended there.)