Me? Kinky? Who Knew?

More hooker-y goodness from over there in New York and ex-Gov. Idiot Eliot Spitzer. According to the fine folks over yonder at my favorite US News-y Tabloid-y publication, the New York Post, a second high priced hooker has emerged and is spewing details about some of the more kinky aspects of Spitzer's penchant for prostitutes. Excellent. This could get good. Or it could just get weird. It's hard to say if it gets kinky. I'll let you judge.

The newly found, informing hooker apparently told investigators that Spitzer liked to "use sex toys to enhance his own pleasure." Well, OK. I mean, I don't know if I'd consider that "kinky", but it does enhance the story line a bit (and it will definitely spice up the Movie of the Week when it airs on Lifetime). The informing hooker has also assured us that "the full portrait of Mr. Spitzer's sexual interests has yet to be told." (And I'm thinking, well, GOOD! Because if the "full portrait" only consisted of him using sex toys on himself, that's a pretty boring portrait. What else ya got?)

Well, according to the Post, the hooker went on to graphically detail ("Graphically detail?" Like pie charts? Bar graphs? What are we talking about here?) Spitzer's sexual fetishes and said that he had "a penchant for props". A hooker used the term "penchant for props"? That sounds like a slogan that a whorehouse would use to round up some business. "Need to get laid? Have a penchant for props? Then come on down to Miss Kitty's Fuck Factory!"

And here's the real jaw dropper...ready? Hope you're sitting down. She also said that "Spitzer liked to keep his socks on during sex." He WHAT?! Wait. He what?

That's right. Kept his SOCKS ON. On. ON! I'm telling you, his socks were ON! I know, I know. I had to read it twice myself. Now, I'm sure it will also shock you to learn that a sock wearing Spitzer having sex was a claim that Republican political operative Roger Stone had made prior to this episode of "Confessions of a High Priced Hooker." Not only did Stone know about the sock wearing during sex, he detailed it out in "a November letter he wrote to the FBI about Spitzer and prostitutes that included details of the bizarre habit." Um, WTF?

How is this kinky? (How is this "news" is really what I'm wondering, but back to kinky.) Wearing socks whilst having sex is kinky? Is it only for governors that the kinky factor is applied when sexing with socks? Elected officials? More importantly, how does one wearing socks to have sex warrant writing a letter about it to the F-B-freaking-I?! Did the FBI CARE that he was wearing socks? Did the FBI think it was kinky?

I'm so confused. I'm also very kinky, apparently, as I, too, have been sexed up whilst wearing socks. But in my defense, I just thought that my feet were cold. I really didn't know I was being kinky. (I'd like to say that if I had known that, I would have enjoyed it more, but I can't see how that would have been possible. It was pretty freaking good!) And now that I think about it, it didn't feel kinky. I wonder if it was. Maybe I was doing it wrong. Huh. Guess I'll have to do it again to find out.

Sphere: Related Content

Is That Your Foot In Your Boot Or Are You Happy To See Me?

Richard Quest is a CNN reporter whose official CNN bio describes him as "one of the most instantly recognizable members of the CNN team." (OK, I had no idea who this guy was, but "instantly recognizable" could have more than one meaning. I get that. And here's a picture of him just in case "instantly recognizable" means something different for you as well.) Well, he's now recognizable for more than just his hollering antics and news reporting, as he was arrested in Central Park on April 18 with drugs in his pocket. Oh, and a rope around his neck that was tied to his genitals with a sex toy in his boot. Wait. What?

All of that is according to the fine folks over there at the NY Post, whose headline screams "NETWORK CNN'S QUEST A VERY KNOTTY BOY". Nice job, Post guys.

Apparently, Quest was arrested around 3:30am, which is when the park is closed. (Well, according to all of the signs posted around the park that say "Park Closed 1am to 6am" the park is closed at that time. Other than that, it'd be hard to know.)

According to the NY Post, the officer at the scene was able to ID the drugs in Quest's pocket as methamphetamine because of "his prior experience as a police officer in drug arrests: which led to his "observation of the packaging which is a characteristic of this type of drug." (Do drugs have different packaging characteristics? I mean, other than small little Ziploc-like baggies? Or some sort of cellophane or plastic wrap? I don't think that they differentiate in the drug world as to what packaging goes with which illegal substance. But maybe. I suppose. I don't know any crack dealers that I can call for verification of this, so it's really just speculation on my part.) But really, the main characteristic that led the officer to identify the substance as methamphetamine was Quest saying, "I've got some meth in my pocket." Yeah, that would be a pretty big clue.

Quest was charged with loitering and your basic possession of a controlled substance. He wasn't charged for his, um, device? Contraption? Penis Rope-Boot-Toy Combo Fun Set? Well, whatever it was, he wasn't charged for it because he wasn't exposing himself. So that's news you can use, eh? Have any set up or goings on in your pants and foot coverings, just don't show it or THAT to anyone and you're good to go. (And please do!)

Quest was once offered a job working at Al Jazeera. That's the network that is always broadcasting the bin Laden (aka Weird Beard) tapes when they come out. He turned that down because he didn't think he would fit in very well over there. You know, with his being gay AND Jewish and all. (No, I should say not.) And as you can see from the picture on the left, it would be extremely difficult for anyone to surmise that he is gay and/orJewish.

The CNN website also describes Quest with "his dynamic and distinctive style has made him a unique figure in the field of business and news broadcasting." Getting busted for meth? Not so dynamic. Getting busted for meth with a penis noose? That definitely qualifies as a "distinctive style" (though not what I think that CNN had in mind when they composed that description). Getting busted for meth with a penis noose and a sex toy in your boot? Priceless. There are some things you just can't make up. For everything else, there's the NY Post.

Sphere: Related Content