Saturday, March 22, 2008

What America Needs Is A Penis On The Roof

Kids. Seems like some friends of one Ryan Walker of Phoenix, painted a large penis on the roof of his house during his bachelor party. SIX months ago. It was just noticed the other day. And not by Ryan.

No, Ryan only became aware of it because, as he puts it, "If you woke up and the news is at your house because you had a giant penis on your roof what would you think?" I really wouldn't know what to think. I wouldn't think it was ever good if I woke up and the news was at my house. But if the reason that they were at my house was because I had a penis on my roof? I would definitely want more of an explanation before I set foot outside (at least without a helmet), that's for sure.

Now, some of the neighbors found it funny. Darnell Whitfield said, "That was a little eye opener. It was like a hit of coffee or something in the face. A penis on the roof. I was like huh? Are you serious?" I really have no idea what that means, but I don't think it's very accurate. (Getting hit in the face with coffee doesn't seem to be anything like a penis on the roof, if you ask me.) Ryan's next door neighbor said she "doesn't mind as long as it's on the roof." Well, that's very accomodating of her. Most neighbors wouldn't want you to have a painting of a giant penis anywhere. But on the roof works for her. Nice. It's good to have limits.

Others, six months after it was painted on Ryan's roof, found it offensive and derrogatory and couldn't believe someone would do that. Well, yes, if the owner of the house had done it on purpose I could see where one would be in disbelief. But when you find out it's a bunch of drunken 21 year olds at a bachelor party? Well, then another piece of the puzzle falls into place.

But if you're going have a penis on a roof, I don't know that you could have picked anyone better than Ryan to own the roof the penis is now on. Ryan seems to be a guy who is looking out for the needs and well being of his country. I gather this from his statement of, "America needs a story like this right now. With the economy? The Bear Stearns thing happening today? Why not a giant penis on the roof?" Regardless of what America needs, however, Ryan has said he will paint over the giant penis on the roof because he is a neighborly kind of guy.

Bear Stearns or a giant penis on the roof? Hmmm...you might have a point, Ryan. You might have a point.

By the way, here's a sampling of the headlines that have been used for this story by various publications:
  • Man Surprised By Giant Roof Penis

  • Penis Painting on Roof Goes Unnoticed

  • Obscene Drawing On Roof Of House Causes A Stir

  • Male Organ Found Painted on Phoenix Rooftop

  • Have You Seen The House With The Giant Penis?

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