Thursday, March 27, 2008

It's Local Even When You're Not

Nova ScotiaJust to see if this helps anything at all, how about some wacky goings on in Nova Scotia recently? You know, just in case you're in Nova Scotia after a marathon flight session in which one or more of your flights were cancelled or delayed and you ended up travelling for over 12 hours, managing only four hours of sleep before what ended up being a long, stressful and very tiring day. Maybe knowing that you're surrounded by lunatics will make something better than it was before when you didn't know it (but probably suspected). Maybe not. But you never know. Stranger things have happened. (Just look at Sweden, for God's sake.)

Cricket dormitoryOK, in Antigonish (I don't know what "gonish" is, nor do I know why they are against it, but it reads a little bit like "anti-gonads" and that really isn't pleasant for anyone to think about, so let's hope "gonish" is better shall we?) 1,000 crickets were let loose in a dormitory hallway as part of a prank. Residents of the dorm and administrators were not amused. Now there are 1,000 crickets and about 2,000 little sticky things to catch the crickets on to get rid of them. (Moral of story: Stick to the ocean.)

double decker busTwo guys from Algeria (yes, Algeria, for cryin' out loud) managed to smuggle themselves into Canada and spent twelve days hiding out in a double decker bus in Halifax, eating nothing but a handful of dates and drinking from a few bottles of water they had with them. No word on whether they managed any warm peanuts or cookies to go with them. They said that when they finally saw the red maple leaf, they cried because they knew they were in Canada and in Canada they respect human rights. Then they got thrown in jail.

radiosSome guy stole a bunch of money from his companion (he was 58, she was 73.) and used it to buy about 50 wireless radios, which he took great delight in setting up all around himself and, with his favorite one next to him in the middle, sat around and listened to them all the live long day. Until the checks that he forged his companions name on came to light and then he was arrested. (Imagine being in the middle seat next to that guy.)

runner without legsYou're surrounded by innovative sorts over there. A disabled crack addict was discovered to have hidden a bunch of crack cocaine in her prosthetic leg. It probably wouldn't have been found except that the 43-year old disabled woman bit a policeman and her false teeth fell out along with another package of cocaine that she was trying to swallow. I guess when they searched her, they found the rest in the leg. (Not sure if it was wooden. No mention of The Alamo, either.)

carrotAnd finally, you'll be less than happy to learn that they go below the belt in Nova Scotia, too! A driving instructor who put a foot-long carrot down his pants while giving a driving lesson has been jailed for 18 months. Need I say more? Of course I do. The guy put the 12 in carrot in his pants and then told his student (a woman in her 40s) that the way she perfectly performed a driving manuever was so good it had given him a big ol' woody. He then took her hand and made her touch the vegetable in his pants, before unzipping to show her it was a carrot and not his penis, As you may imagine, that did not provide much relief at that point.

Penis; it's not just for Sweden any more.

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