Friday, March 21, 2008

2 for 1 Genetic Goodness

Quiz time! Quick! Which of the following do you NOT need a license for?
  1. Owning a dog
  2. Fishing
  3. Driving a car
  4. Having children

If you answered "4", you do not need a license to have children, you are correct! And, sadly, I wish that you weren't.

I'm here to provide proof of why requiring people to have a license to have children might not be such a bad idea. Allow me to introduce you to one of the more shallow gene pools, which is located where? Correct. In the South.

Meet Floyd and Justin. The chap on the left is Floyd Bebee. The chap on the right is Justin Bebee. Floyd is 48. Justin is 21.

Quick! What might Justin's relationship to Floyd be?

  1. His father
  2. His mother
  3. His brother
  4. His lawyer

If you answered "1", Floyd is Justin's father, you are correct! (If you answered "4", that the vision of mugshot goodness above was the lad's attorney, I seriously hope that you never have to hire one. Oh, but if you do, by all means, please call Floyd. Yeah, that should help.)

Almost always, the physical similarities in the appearances of people who are related to one another are due directly to genetics. However, this is a time when the similarities in appearances are indirectly due to genetics. It's really the only way to explain why a father and his son BOTH have a tattoo smack dab in the middle of their backwoods forehead.

Genetics might not have caused each of them each to sprout a tattoo on their forehead, though it could explain why one tattoo says "Git-R-Dun" and the other says "Psycho". But genetics did cause the stupidity which almost certainly caused each of them to (I'm assuming) willingly GET a tattoo on their forehead. And I will admit, I AM surprised that "Psycho" is spelled correctly. But I guess really all that tells me is that Floyd didn't personally give Justin his tattoo.

And just like any other family struggling to stay afloat in the shallow end of the gene pool, the Bebee's like to keep their family pictures (such as the ones above) in an album at the Police Station labeled 'Mug Shots". Yes, I know you are incredibly disillusioned to learn that they are not tattooed forehead bearing AND law-abiding individuals. I was just as shocked (which is to say, not at all). Good thing that there's only two of them.

Wait. No, wait. There's three. I have not been able to locate a mug shot of yet another member of the Bebee clan, Floyd III, but I have been informed that, while he does not sport the family crest on his forehead, he does have a swastika on his left leg (probably not because he is a history major) and the wordings "Time Served" and "White Pride" on his right leg. It was apparently wishful thinking that caused him to get the tattoo reading "Time Served" as he is, again, surprisingly, locked up until 2016, having been convicted of several felonies.

At this point, I'll confess...I'm a little curious as to what Mrs. Git-R-Dun looks like. Not enough to follow up on it. But a little curious just the same. Oooh. But that makes four. Child bearing licenses anyone? Anyone?

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Anonymous said...

My Names Bridgette Bebee! Okay Justin is my brother an Floyd is my dad...My mom doesnt like them first of all an has no tattoos. An I really thinks its fucked up how you can go invade my family's personal life an talk shit! You don't even know us so how can you sit there and talk?! When you get to talk and get to know us thats when you can post shit! Otherwise you should keep the Bebee name out your mouth! No its not a threat. Just saying because its fucked up what your doing! If you want to talk to me personally call me 863-808-9919! Thank You!

Anonymous said...

Bridgette-- while I am not the author of the article above, you might want to... Wait a minute. Hold on. Did you... Did you really post your PHONE NUMBER?? You don't know how to spell the word "and" and you posted your phone number. No way. Oh dear. Girl, I just might call you myself 'cuz I gots me some questions for YOU!

Anonymous said...

Bridgette Aint Even A Bebee Shes A Wanna Be Shes Tried Datin Every Single Brother Shes Just A Nasty Hoe I Bet She Slept With The Dad We Just All Need To Whoop Her Ass And If Shes A Bebee Then Shes An Incest Whore Cuz Shes Slept With Half The Family!!!!