Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Sorry Philippines

Jesus With 2 BitchesI think I owe the Philippines and all of it's Nail-y Easter celebrating residents somewhat of an apology for some of my Crucifixion Mockery that I bestowed upon them. Oh, please don't mistake that for a full apology. Nailing yourself to a cross on purpose as a means of celebrating something that a lot of us prefer to do with hard boiled eggs? Yeah, I still think it's weird. And wrong. But there are things out there that might be more weird. Or more wrong. (I use the term "might" very loosely.

Hunky JesusLet's take a gander at San Francisco, shall we? (I didn't say "Let's look directly at it" for cryin' out loud! Are you trying to blind yourself?! Avert your gaze occasionally for your own safety. And sanity.) In Dolores Park, there is an annual Easter Sunday tradition (yes, that means this has happened more than once) that is known as the "Hunky Jesus" competition.

Surfer JesusZombie JesusBefore I get into the full description of the "Hunky Jesus" competition, I have to address the name of this freak show. See, to me, when you're doing something that is not that familiar to most people (thank God), you don't want to name it something that could sound like a whole bunch of other things. "Hunky Jesus", "Monkey Pieces", "Punky Nieces", "Funky Thesis", all extremely similar and likely to bring even more confusion into this circus tent.

Sisters of Perpetual IndulgenceApparently there is a gay charity group called "The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence" (catchy) and they officiate the competition which pits costumed and (not surprisingly) scantily clad men against each other (not literally. We're not in the Philippines this time!) as they vie for the distinction of being declared the "most attractive Jesus".

Surfing JesusI'm sure it won't surprise you that Catholics (probably everywhere) have declared the "Hunky Jesus" competition to be blasphemous. They base that characterization mostly on the fact that entrants in previous years (as well as this one) have included "Old School Jesus" (How much more "old school" can Jesus get?), "Surfer Jesus" (I'm picturing Keanu Reeves with a crown of thorns and both feet nailed to his surfboard) and "Zombie Jesus". (That's sort of a irreverent/ironic take on the whole "Christ rising from the dead" theme that seems to be present at most Easter celebrations.) There was even a Sanjaya Jesus. (OK, now, that is blasphemy.)

Hunky JesusOf course, those judging and participating in Hunky Jesus Sunday don't see it that way. No, Perpetually Indulgent Sisters say that they are simply promoting universal joy and trying to expiate stigmatic guilt. (I'm having a hard time believing that these dudes dressed up like Surf Dude Jesus or Little House On The Prairie Jesus are concerned about expiating this stigmatic guilt.)

By the way, I present to you, the winner of The Hunky Jesus H. Christ Festival 2008Hunky Jesus
I think that all I have to say about all of this is, "Jesus Christ."

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