Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Foreign Language Where? In the South.

As if the South doesn't have enough strikes against it, needing and using an alternative word for "spit" isn't helping the South evolve any faster.

Some Floridian guy spits on his girlfriend after SHE found out HE was sleeping with another woman. According to the police report, the woman became angry and asked the boyfriend (also known in the South as "the father of her child") to leave after hearing that he was "having relations" with someone else. (Having relations? That sounds Amish. Were they Amish?) Whilst he was hunting and gathering his belongings, she spit on him. It's unclear when she called the cops, but she did make it clear she just wanted him to leave and NOT to be arrested. OK.

Now I know you will be surprised that in a situation like this there are two very different versions of what occured. (Yes, it is surprising. Very.) He said that his girlfriend called the woman that he was "having relations" with so that she could "have a conversation with" the other woman. Whilst on the phone with the tramp, the guy claims he was "making faces at her". (See, I missed the part where they were both TWELVE!) This apparently sounded better to the guy than her story. For some reason, his "making faces" at her while she was on the phone with his "relation haver" is an preferable angle of this story. Oh, yeah. How hot.

Apparently this is where she told him to go. And this is also where he said he "gleeked" on her, but did not intentionally spit on her. (He what? What the hell is gleeked? How is that different than spit? Actually, how is that so similar to spit, that he had to make a point that it was "gleeking" and not spitting"? Do you think the article clears that up for me? NO! Of course not! You know why? Correct! Because it's where? In the South! That is correct! And why explain that when, assumedly, all twelve people in the South that can actually read will know what it means!)

Oh, but we do get to know how it turned out, in the legal sense. The Deputies (and I'm presuming one of them was Barney Fife) couldn't conclude a crime was committed because of conflicting statements!

I take it back. The gleeker? He's a freaking genius.

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