Tuesday, March 11, 2008

They're DOGS! They Don't NEED Clothes!

For cryin' out loud, what the hell is wrong with people?!?! Have I not made it clear enough that dogs don't need clothes! I don't know where people got the notion that dogs DO need clothes, but I'm blaming Britney.

According to Reuters " Hundreds of dogs, many dressed as babies or clowns, were taken to celebrate mass in this Nicaraguan town on Sunday, an annual ritual where the owners pray for their pets to be cured or avoid falling ill."

Let's just noodle this one through, shall we? I'm having an issue with two things that do not go together AT ALL. Those two things being 1) Dogs dressed as babies or clowns, and 2) Prayer to heal the sick or about to be sick animal that is dressed like a baby or a clown.


WHY on Earth would a DOG dressed as a CLOWN at a celebratory MASS in Nicaragua NOT fall ill or be cured through PRAYER?! If my dog was dressed as a baby or a clown, one of two things would happen. I'd either shoot the dog or shoot myself. And if I shot the dog, I'd definitely shoot myself next. So if it was my dog, it's a guarantee that I will be shot. Can those dog-dressers in Nicaragua make any sort of guarantee with this dog-dressing ritual crap? I think not.

Retuers continues with "The faithful thank the saint for curing their pets or ask for the dogs to be protected from illness. The town's priest always conducts a special canine mass." What does a "special canine mass" consist of, exactly? Scooby and Scrappy in flowing robes, waving scepters and praising His Dog-ness?! "Ruh-Row! Rogs Ressed As Rowns! Run! Run!!"

Local resident Nora Espinosa brought her six-month-old Basset Hound, dressed in a soccer outfit. (Good Lord. It's not even my dog, but it still makes me want to shoot myself.) No word on Pele's illness or if he's going to be just fine.

But here's the kicker (no pun intended. Sorry, Pele.): "Locals say the tradition goes back to the colonial period after the Spanish conquest." Have you noticed that almost no one asks why they do these things or where the traditions come from? And when do ask why or where they came from, they receive some ridiculous answer that is nothing more than a big, fat lie!! The colonial period after the Spanish conquest?!?! Don't you think we would have heard about that before NOW?! Even if we hadn't heard about it, why would it be true?? Why in the world would those in the colonial period after the Spanish conquest advocate dressing dogs up like Bozo and Pele?? They WOULDN'T!! So, I can't blame the Spanish! (But I do still blame Britney a little bit.) But it's not real! Please stop doing that!

Let's review: They're dogs. They don't NEED clothes!!

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