Sunday, March 23, 2008

Time For A Quickie

If you're going to protest something, at least make sure that what you're protesting against makes sense. I don't have to agree with what you're protesting against. No one does. Even if your protest is over something stupid (and try to think of a public protest that got people's attention that wasn't over something stupid), if it makes sense then at least you've got that going for you. When other people don't get it, well, then the protest is stupid and YOU are stupid.

Case in pont: Quickie Burger and Dogs, located in Michigan, decided that a good way to bring in business was to have their logo sport a drawing of a woman on top of a drawing of a hamburger. (Some media reports have deemed the woman "busty". I will not be following suit with that description because a) it's a drawing and b) to be honest, I've seen bustier.) It is worth mentioning that the woman is riding the hamburger as if it were a horse or a mechanical bull or some sort of mechanical burger (at a place that can't afford a real mechanical bull). Quick! Who does this offend?!
  1. Everyone

  2. Busty women

  3. Mechanical bulls

  4. Lesbians, Gay, Bisexuals and Transgenders
If you answered "4", this offends LGBT individuals, you are (sadly) correct. If you answered "1", you are (sadly) a moron.

For some reason, the Stonewall Democrats, a LGBT caucus of the University's College Democrats chapter, is not happy with Meat-Mounted Mascot (hereafter known as MMM). And when gay or kind of gay college Democrats aren't happy, they circulate petitions to try to get the owner's to change the logo. Well, at least, that's what these college Democrats did.

Senior Kolby Roberts has led this effort because he said finds the logo's message inappropriate and offensive. "I have a problem that you take a woman riding a hamburger and you put it next to the word 'quickie.' It just seems like it's not putting a good message out there for the objectification of women." Well, I have a problem with a guy, gay or not, saying that he has a problem with some drawing logo of a woman riding a burger. Trust me, if women have a problem with it, we'll say something. But, hey, Kolby? Um, what would be a good message for the objectification of women, Kolby? Is that really your goal? You might want to think about that for a few and get back to us.

The not totally straight (if at all) Kolby also said that it was distasteful. "Basically, what it has is a provocatively dressed woman straddling a hamburger, and she's very busty and its kind of really horrible." Look, if she was riding a foot long hot dog, I'd still think you had a melting cranium and should seek sanity immediately, but it would be an improvement. I mean, let's face it, it's not like she was riding a fish taco or anything like that. Look, never mind. You know what I mean. Aside from that though, she's very busty? She is? Let's just take a moment to review this:


Very busty:
Yeah, I dont' see it.

Now, while Kolby isn't making much sense over there in his protest, the owners of the Quickie Burger aren't making a lwhole ot of sense either. They said that the logo was meant to invoke a cowboy theme. "We were thinking beef, rodeo, so instead of putting a cowboy, we just picked a cowgirl. It's a rodeo-style cowgirl riding a bull, but instead, it's a burger. It was put together to be funny and different. No offense was meant to anyone." I know they didn't mean to offend anyone. And I'm having a hard time believing that anyone other than Kolby really is offended. (Actually, I think Kolby might be having a hard time believing that he's offended after reading his own quote there.) Regardless, I don't even think I know what that explanation means. Nor do I care because I'm not offended by the drawing of the woman who may or may not be "busty".

The owners said that they showed the logo to over 100 people and none of them objected. (Sure, leave it to them to find the 100 sane people in the town to show the logo to.) Clearly, none of them were the nut jobs circulating the peition OR the nut jobs signing the petition. Freshman Dan Yeomans said that he wasn't personally offended (Way to go, Dan!) by the logo. "I could see the same people who were offended by the South Quad T-shirts taking offense to this," he said , referring to a bunch of dorm shirts that had lyrics from the controversial Soulja Boy song "Crank That." (Oh, Dan. Dan, Dan, Dan.....) You CAN?!? I am failing to grasp the similarities between Soulja Boy and the MMM. Once again, I feel a review is in order:

Soulja Boy:

The MMM:
Yeah, I don't see this one either. So where's this at?

So far, these soft-headed Stonewall Democrats have "about 100 signatures". (That's it's-not-going-so-well-speak for "eleven".) Offended, not-totally-straight and still-not-female Kolby said that the goal is to get them to change the logo. "I don't think anyone has a problem with the name because it implies that I'm going to get a quick burger. Instead, we're just thinking about getting rid of the logo. Maybe trying to change it so it's less offensive." Dude, it's NOT offensive to anyone except for MAYBE the burger! (And even then, how bad could it be, really?) Besides, aren't you in college? Don't you have a final to study for or something?

The owners say that they'll "talk to them" because they "don't want to make anyone angry". Guess what? You made ME angry! Are you freaking kidding me?! Why, why and WHY would you consider this for even a second?! The protest of a drawing of a woman on a drawing of a burger because it might offend women is being led by a man who may or may not be totally gay or totally straight for that matter and who may or may not have eleven signatures on his petition! Don't talk to them! Do NOT talk to them. You go over there and you tell them, "Screw you, she stays! Can I get you some fries with that?"

Someone needs to invent the anti-petition or the bizarro-petition. Some sort of something that can circulate whenever there is a ridiculous petition like the Anti-MMM petition. Something that people can sign, if for no other reason than to let people like me (and hopefully people like you) know that not everyone out there needs a helmet.

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Anonymous said...

Agreed 100%...if you feel so strongly about this, I could drop your article off at their restaurant...its right across the street from my, literally right across the street.

Mare said...

I don't know if I'd say that I "feel so strongly" about it, but I would find it amusing if you'd like to share this with those fine, fine people who should NOT CHANGE THEIR SIGN! Thanks.