Tuesday, March 11, 2008

For Cryin' Out Loud, THEY'RE DOGS!!

I'd like to say thanks for listening to my pleas about not dressing dogs as humans. But I can't because, as you may have just read, the practice continues and has apparently gone global. (Thanks for that, Nicaragua.) However, it has just been brought to my attention that dogs wearing clothes may be the least of my concerns (and it is concerning. To me at least. Considering that there are still dogs looking like Bozo out there, it's becoming apparent that I'm the only one with this concern.).

Before I continue, I must state that I am absolutely in favor of breast cancer awareness. (That statement following the anti-dog-dressing diatribe above, will make more sense shortly.) I am against breast cancer, as I am a huge fan of the breast itself. Moreso when it has a companion. So I do believe that making people aware of breast cancer is important. I also believe that how people are made aware of it is important.

A woman in Boulder, CO has been dyeing her poodle pink to help raise awareness for breast cancer. Now, when you take my previous statements about issues such as this and you paraphrase them into one relevant statement, it will go something like this: "Breast Cancer Awareness = Good; Pink Dogs = Bad."

The poodle is named Cici (assumedly pronounced C.C.) and Joy Douglas (assumedly pronounced Joy Douglas) has been dyeing Cici with beet juice for four years in order to make her fur pink. Occasionally, in lieu of said beet juice, Ms. Douglas will use Kool-Aid. I'd really like to know on what occasions has she run out of beet juice. Actually, I'd kind of like to know how she has enough beet juice to dye an entire poodle with in the first place. That seems like a lot of juice. I know a poodle isn't very big, but neither are beets.

Apparently there is an ordinance in Boulder that prevents people from "dyeing or coloring live fowl, rabbits or other animals." It was necessary to spell out the obvious in the form of an ordinance for the residents of Boulder because people were dyeing chicks and rabbits at Easter time. (Good Lord, it's worse than I'd thought.) "Other animals" has been extended to include poodles dyed with beets in this instance. Ms. Douglas seemed (key word: seemed) to understand the need for such a law when she stated, ""I can understand something done in large vats and it's not done with a lot of animal care by people who don't know their animals."

See, Joy, this is where you and I are different. You CAN UNDERSTAND something done in large vats?!! I, on the other hand, CANNOT understand a vat of beet juice for the sole purpose of poodle dipping! And guess what? I don't KNOW your animals, but I KNOW they're not supposed to be PINK!!

Ms. Douglas claims that CiCi is being stripped of her civic duty. I was unaware that a poodle, pink or not, could have a civic duty. That's because, you guessed it, they're DOGS. They are unaware of civics. They don't have duties. They MAKE doodies. Two totally different uses for 'duty'. Although, ironically enough, this whole ordeal reeks of a doody.

I am thankful the dog wasn't wearing any clothes. So, thanks for that, Joy. But my appreciation stops right there. Dogs shouldn't be anything but dog-color. If you want to know what an appropriate dog color is, don't dye your dog and look at it. Whatever color it is, that's appropriate. Dunking it in beet juice or having that big, fat Kool-Aid guy come bursting through your brick wall on a hot summer day to quench your thirst and dye your poodle is NOT appropriate. Ever.

I know this won't be the last time I have to say this, but here goes: Dogs shouldn't be pink. Ever. They're dogs. Also, dogs don't have duties. Dogs make doodies. Please take note and act accordingly.

(Huge thanks to the individual who gave me cause to twist off this morning with this little news item; one that also finally allowed me to have an outlet to differentiate between 'duty' and 'doody', which has been damn near impossible up until now. Thanks!)

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