Monday, March 24, 2008

Mr. Ed Goes To Hawaii

Well, we've got runaway animals in just about every state on the mainland. What say we get some animals where they don't belong in our island state of Hawaii, shall we? And while we're at it, let's just see how well we think that this thing was handled. On several levels. Here we go...Apparently a horse went roaming through Wilcox Memorial Hospital in Honolulu earlier in the month. Go figure.

Now, of course there's a logical explanation for this. (Well, there's logic and then there's logic. You try to guess which 4 words explain this situation so that it is, in fact, logical. You can do it. I know YOU can. I have faith.) A man had called up the hospital where his dad was a patient and said he was going to ride his dad's horse. What he did not mention is that he was going to ride the horse inside of the hospital and up the elevator the the floor his father was on. There was probably a reason for that. The not mentioning it part, that is. (There's a reason for riding the horse in the hospital in the first place, too. But you're figuring that reason out, remember?)

At least when he got to the floor and got off of the elevator, security and the nursing supervisor were there. Whew! That's a relief! So, what did they do when the guy and his horse got off of the elevator, you ask? Correct. They took his picture as he posed with various hospital employees. (Can you imagine if the guy was riding an elephant through there? The Securinator might have thought it was a circus and run off to get his ringmaster's uniform for those photos!)

But if that's not enough, the guy's dad said it wasn't even his horse! That's apparently what it takes to get a horse escorted out of a hospital; there must be a declaration of non-ownership from at least one current patient who is not snapping photos. Because it doesn't seem that just having the horse in there in the first place was enough. No, that is apparently cause for a photography session. Having a horse that doesn't belong to anyone there? Well, he's gotta go. Yes. Despite the hospital's pet visitation policy which, the hospital spokesman explained, and I quote, "does not include a horse." End quote.

So, now the horse is gone, we're safe, and I'm sure that there are some lovely "Nurse and Guard With Horse" photos that will be making their way around at the hospital Christmas party this year. It's over, yes? No. Now, the health department has to come in and check it out. Um, why? The horse is GONE! And really, I don't know what the health department has to do with a horse anyway. I mean, shouldn't they have called like a vet or the Lone Ranger. (Hey, it wasn't the guy's horse, so maybe it was his!)
I'm just really not seeing the need here. It was one dude on a borrowed, possibly stolen, definitely not his father's horse. It's not like Robert E. Lee was leading the Cavalry through the ICU or anything. They already had an internal investigation. That determined that yes, there was a horse in the hospital; no, he shouldn't have been there; no, no one is in trouble (except for possibly the guy when whoever it is finds out their horse is missing). Oh, and they also made a statement that was just chock full of words of wisdom. ""We investigate all incidents and this is a very rare incident and naturally its something we sat and discussed so we can understand how it happened and how we can prevent it the next time." They had to "sit and discuss" the incident? Dudes, I kinda figured that one out without any discussion at all and I believe I was standing at the time as well.

The hospital also said that they are "looking for ways to improve security at the hospital." Well, you could start by not having your security guard have his picture taken with the horse when he sees it there getting off the elevator! That might be a good place to "look" for those security improvements you seek, sir.

Oh, and the 4 words that logically explain this? Alcohol may be involved.

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