Friday, March 28, 2008

A Dictionary - Literally

DC Madam Just can't wait until the case of the DC Madam goes to trial? Feeling pretty nervous about not being able to follow all of the pimp, whore and john lingo that goes along with just such a trial? Or even feeling like you're on somewhat shaky ground with your very, very limited knowledge of the many, many occupation-specific terms that you had no idea even existed? (The acronyms! My God, the acronyms! And the heat.) Don't know what to do or where to turn? Well, fret no more! Thanks to the fine folks over at thesmokinggun.com (well, and me, of course), you will now be able to follow said trial as you bask in your new found knowledge of very hooker-y terms of not very much endearment. Here we go....

All Inclusive - This is what it sounds like. Straight sex and oral sex.

Bareback - No condom. (Doesn't sound like the "back" is involved much.)

CBJ - Covered blow job, ie, oral sex with a condom. (Please do not confuse this with PBJ, as you will be very, very surprised and a little disappointed.)

Cowgirl - sex w/girl on top. (Maybe that's why all the fuss with the Quickie Burger thing.)

DFK - Deep French Kissing. (Not to be confused with BFD, which is, again, very different.)

Donation - Payment to a prostitute. (Not what you thought it was going to be, eh?)

FBSM - Full Body Sensual Massage - Not usually full service. Expect only massage (usually nude or topless) and handjob, but more services may be available. (May be available? Right. Like they have some workers who can only give topless massages and have no idea how to have sex. Sure. Thanks for pointing that out.)

FS - Full Service or Sexual Intercourse. (Oddly, there is no "SI" acronym.)

GFE - Girlfriend experience. (Sadly, there is no explanation of what this consists of. And I, for one, am curious. )

Get Comfortable - Get naked. For security reasons a prostitute may ask a client to "get comfortable" or "make yourself comfortable" before a session. (See, it's a good thing they threw in the part about "a prostitute" because I was kind of freaking out there for a minute, as that gets said to me every time I have to wait at the dentist's office. But I don't know that taking off clothes that are going to come off anyway is really much of a "security" measure to begin with.)

Greek - Anal sex. (Well, I guess I couldn't expect it to be rolling around in feta cheese and grape leaves, now, could I? Look, I'm just glad it's not. But regardless, I wasn't expecting that. And some probably aren't, which is why they have a name for it.)

Half n Half - Oral sex and straight intercourse. (There is also the half n' half massage, customer gives and receives. See, that is one of the many, many reasons I am not a hooker, because I, for one, am not paying someone else to give them a massage!)

HJ - Hand job/Hand Release. Stimulation of the penis using hand and fingers, masturbation, JO, jack-off, etc. It also means an unreliable customer. (Huh. Diverse.)

Hobbyist - A man who patronizes in-call/out-call prostitutes. (At least it doesn't involve model trains.)

In-call - When the customer goes to the prostitute.

Madam - Proprietress of an agency. (Also known as a female pimp. I guess they just use "proprietress" when they file a tax return.)

Out-call - The prostitute goes to the customers location.

PSE - Porn Star Experience. (Huh. When would this be needed? On their resume when applying for the position? Er, job. When applying for the job!)

Session - paid time spent with an escort. (Why isn't this just under FS? Complicated lingo world, this hookering stuff is. )

TER - The Erotic Review. A prostitute rating service that allow hobbyists (see above). You should know this by now!) to compare notes on services provided by prostitutes. There are others, aside from this one, that exist throughout the country. (Coming soon to a town near you!) (Yeah, pun probably intended.)

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2 comments:

Gerard said...

Hi Mare,
The 'security' reasons they talk of is that maybe an undercover vice cop/undercover reporter will not strip naked,waiting for the girl to actually offer the sex on tape,etc.
The girls I use tend to ask 'Have you been before?' and if I say yes,they seem to use their favourite method (well,at least my favourite method) of checking me out,they will stick their titties or ass in my face.
Now,the normal response for an undercover agent/reporter,would be to make their excuses and leave,or suddenly become extremely gay/patient and want to discuss prices and services loudly,fully dressed. The normal response for a (probably sex-starved) red-blooded horny male (i.e. me) is to immediately become mesmerised by the sudden proximity of said squishy female parts and lose normal brain function.
Then I shove my face in her cleavage,or my face between her buttocks,or grab her ass.
Due to the aforementioned loss of normal brain function,my mouth hangs open and I have to remind myself to blink and breathe normally,and I have been known to drool.
I imagine I resemble a guy with facial palsy on medication at that point.
This response gets the thumbs up and I have to gather my thoughts to count the money.
I'd like to share some phrases/terms I know,especially some lesser-known ones used in London/UK,in case any readers want to sample the fine whores of London.
US Engish works just as well,of course,but some things are a bit different for the 'menu list'

A LEVEL-Anal sex available(A-Level,along with O-Level,are also the names for certain higher education qualifications over here,so be careful!)
BRASS-Slang for prostitute (Mainly in London)
CIA-Cum In Ass (Rare,but pornstars are available for hire too)
CIM-Cum In Mouth.
CIP-Cum In Pussy.
HAPPY ENDING-usually a handjob,given after a massage.
KNOCKING SHOP-Slang for brothel/massage parlour.
MATURE/MILF-At least 40,but usually whores are used up by 30.I don't usually pay for a girl over 25/26,and I'll pay more for a girl around 18.
RUB & TUG-A massage or body-to body massage,followed by a handjob.
O LEVEL-Oral available (Also see A Level)
OWO-Oral Without (Condom optional-usually for an added fee)
RIMMING-Asslicking/analingus (sometimes states recieving/giving)
TART-Slang-similiar to 'Whore'-Can mean an actual whore,or one who is whore-ish.
WATERSPORTS-Pissing,pissplay,etc.
WITHOUT-Condom optional (Often for an extra £30-100)

For the record-'GFE'-Girlfriend Experience simply means they are warm,welcoming,will talk/flirt first,with seduction,kissing,cuddling,slow undressing etc. i.e. less like using a hooker.
If you or any readers have any questions,let me know on here or by emailing me.

Gerard
gerard.murphy@ymail.com

Gerard said...

I ahve a blog up and running for any hooker related queries.

http://whorelover.blogspot.com/