People amaze me. And that's not necessarily a good thing. Like this Alex Phillips guy. He's 17 and he lives in Wisconsin. (No, not the South. I was a little surprised too after I heard this story). Apparently, Alex decided it would be a good idea to put some photos of his 16-year old ex-girlfriend on his MySpace page. He thought it would be an even better idea if the photos were of his ex-girlfriend naked. You probably should have known something was up when you got to the part about the "ex-girlfriend". Wouldn't you have to pretty much assume that they wouldn't be overly flattering pictures? Well, sure, but even still, you'd certainly hope they weren't nude pictures (because nude and unflattering? Talk about kicking someone when they're down.).
I shall pause my commentary for a moment to issue a public service message. Or plea. Take it however you want. I don't care who you are and I don't care how old you are, do yourself a favor and do not, repeat, DO NOT let anyone take pictures of you when you are naked. Ever. I don't care how hot you are (well, I DO. Especially if you're really hot. But I digress.), I don't care how much you "love" the other person, I don't care how much the other person "loves" you, DON'T DO IT. Have you ever heard of the naked picture scenario turning out well? No, of course not. That's because it doesn't. If you're going to let someone take pictures of you naked, you might as well just reserve a domain name on the Internet for them right now because that's where they're going to end up. Now, where was I?
Oh, yeah, the asshat in Wisconsin. So, according to the fine folks over yonder at The Smoking Gun (and the police reports) a police officer contacted Phillips about the pictures and warned him that he could end up going to jail for publishing the photos of the girl because she was a minor. And Phillips responded to that sobering fact by telling the investigator, "F**k that, I am keeping them up." Wait. What? Am I to assume that hilarity did not ensue?
What in the hell is wrong with this dude? Aside from the extremely public posting of the ex-girlfriend's nakedness for the entire freaking world to see (and download for use as wallpaper on their laptop if they should so desire), a police officer explains to him, not just that he could "get in trouble", but the officer spells it out to him that he could "go to JAIL". And I'd have to say that, overall, jail is not someplace that you would want to be. Ever. But not only does the possibility of jail loom there for him, but he includes "f**k" in his refusal to the officer who is telling him about all of the jail. Does this guy have some sort of brain damage? Is he new to this planet? I'm going to go with either brain damage or extremely full of himself. Oh, wait. It just occurred to me that it's probably a little (or a lot) of both.
Now, while you and I are not going to be surprised by what happened next, I'm going to assume that Alex was surprised. He was arrested (shocking, I know) and, along with the one count of child porn, he was also charged with sexual exploitation of a child and defamation. (None of those sound like anything you even want to THINK about being charged with.) Of course you know that after he was arrested he had an explanation. Naturally. What was it? Oh, well, his explanation was that he did it "because he was venting." OK, that excuse is so lame it almost doesn't warrant a response, but I'll try. Venting? OK, I know that "venting" is healthy for the human psyche to do. It's not good to keep things all inside. It is good to let them out. But I have yet to learn of the "Post nude pictures of my ex-girlfriend on a MySpace page" method of therapy. I remember the good old days when "venting" consisted of calling up one of your buddies and bitching about whatever it was you were "venting" about (usually for longer than your buddy wanted to listen to). And while I know that things do change and that they need to change and that people need to evolve, I hardly see this as progress.
And apparently as part of his self-contrived "venting" process, it also included captioning the photos that he posted. Let's just say that the captions were not "G" Rated. (I thought about including the text, but it's in the police reports that I have provided below, so I think I'll leave it at that. It's rather foul.) But see, he was "venting" and he "didn't mean to harm her." He also came to the ingenious conclusion (after he was arrested, of course) that he "probably shouldn't have done that." Do you think?
I can think of no more appropriate ending for this than to quote the great Bugs Bunny when he said, "What a maroon."
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