Saturday, May 31, 2008

That's Quite The Snack

It's just going to be an All Swedish Saturday. And that can only mean one thing. That's right! More news that occurs below the belt in Sweden in English (brought to us in English by the fine Swedish folks over at The Local in Sweden). Now they might be able to convert some Swedish things to English and have them make sense, but this dealio isn't one of them.

The police in Stockholm (that's in Sweden) detained a 41-year old woman who has been accused of raping a 30 year old man that she met at a bar and took home with her. Wait. What?

According to the police report, after an evening chock full of merriment and alcohol (more so on the alcohol side), the new friends decided they were hungry. So they stumbled out of the pub and somehow managed to make their way to her house where "she invited him up for a little midnight snack," said Stockholm Swedish police officer Towe Hagg. (Hey, call it what you will, but after a night of drinking, you're going to be assuming that the "snack" is just the "appetizer." It won't matter how hungry you are. You're drunk and you're a slut. Food can wait.)

So once they get to her place, she makes sexual advances toward him. He, for some unknown reason, "resisted" and "told her 'no'." (I'm guessing his yet to be proclaimed gayness? What dude turns down drunken, one-night stand, chick coming onto you sex? What woman turns that down, for that matter?!) Well, it might have been a 'no'. Officer Hagg described that part of the incident as "We don’t know if it was a ‘no’ or if it was more than a ‘no’.” What constitutes more than a 'no'? A 'Hell, no'? A "No, ma'am"? A 'No, thank you."? I didn't get the 'no' in the first place, but this really confuses me.

Well, whatever kind of a 'no' it was, it didn't matter to the woman. No, after he continued to have sex with her, she then "
performed oral sex on him against his will." (Wow. She wasn't kidding when she said she wanted a snack.) So she forced herself upon this guy and fellatio-ed him even though he was professing some derivation of the term "no"? How did that occur, exactly? (NOT the fellatio-ing! The forcing!) I mean, is she some Swedish Amazon woman who makes guest appearances on American Gladiators in Swedish? And the guy, who is he? Clay Aiken? Ryan Seacrest? How does something like that happen?!

The man, naturally, took the appropriate step (translation: so NOT appropriate step) of calling police the next morning to report that he was raped. By a woman. Wow. Talk about having ZERO pride. I'll tel you what, for someone acting like such a girly boy, he sure does have some gigantic balls to be able to pick up the phone and tell the cops that he was taken advantage of by a woman. How did that conversation go?

"Victim" Guy: "Um, yes, I got really drunk and went home with this woman that I just met at the bar and she wanted to have drunken sex with me at her place and I didn't want to and I told her 'no', but she just went ahead and performed oral sex on me anyway."

Swedish Cop in English: "Is there a problem?"

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