Sunday, May 4, 2008

He Baracked Up The Top Ten

Why? Why? Why is it so difficult for seemingly all of the Presidential nominee candidates (and possibly the majority of politicians in general) to deliver a "line" without sounding like they're delivering a "line"? It's not that difficult, but whenever I hear these guys try and speak words that are scripted, I begin to wonder if there is some sort of intricacy to this process that I'm completely unaware of. They sound like they're reading from a card (which they are) and they sound like they don't care about what they're saying (which they don't) and they come across as idiotic (further assessment needed) and sometimes as if they're having a stroke (again, further assessment needed on all politicians except Sen. Byrd). And the worst part about it is that sometimes, if that stick up their butt hadn't affected their ability to speak like a human being instead of a constipated robot, it would have been a pretty funny bit that they did. But no.

And that's why I'm a little annoyed with Obama. (To make sure I'm clear, I'm only annoyed with Obama. I am NOT annoyed with Obama Girl. Totally different. I don't think it's possible for me to EVER get annoyed with Obama Girl. Ever. Him? Oh, sure.) Why? Because he "Baracked up" the Top Ten list on Letterman the other night. I love the Top Ten. And I'm not opposed to a Guest Top Ten Orator once in a while. But, dude, come on! Put a little feeling into it, would you? The whole list is about YOU! Act like you give a crap! Argh.

Here's Barack Obama on Letterman reading the Top Ten Surprising Facts About Barack Obama. It's pathetic.

  • Number 10: My first act as President will be to stop the fighting between Lauren and Heidi on "The Hills."

  • Number 9: In the Illinois Primary, I accidentally voted for Kucinich.

  • Number 8: When I tell my kids to clean their room, I finish with, "I'm Barack Obama and I approved this message."

  • Number 7: Throughout high school, I was consistently voted, "Barackiest."

  • Number 6: Earlier today I bowled a 39.

  • Number 5: I have canceled all my appearances the day the "Sex and the City" movie opens.

  • Number 4: It's the birthplace of Fred Astaire. (Sorry, that's a surprising fact about Omaha.)

  • Number 3: We are tirelessly working to get the endorsement of Kentucky Derby favorite Colonel John.

  • Number 2: This has nothing to do with the Top Ten, but what the heck is up with Paula Abdul?

  • And the Number One Surprising Fact About Barack Obama: I have not slept since October.

Yes, I know. It was painful to watch, but that's only because it looked painful to read! And a couple of those could have been pretty funny if the delivery had been better. Again, I'm not supporting any candidate in particular. I AM supporting good humor and the proper delivery of verbal amusement. But a particular candidate? Nah, I'm too annoyed with the butchering of the Top Ten to lend political support to anyone. Perhaps if I just put a picture of Obama Girl here for no reason at all it will end my annoyance.

Yeah, that really did help. I feel much better now.

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