Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Paula's Always Like That

I have refrained from making any American Idol posts thus far. Mainly because if I did, well, people would know I watch American Idol. And not that it's a bad thing, but it's sort of getting to that 'Melrose Place' stage of the whole deal. You remember when Melrose was on. At first, it was really cool to watch it, blah, blah, blah. But sometime around when Michael slept with either Jane or Sydney for the tenth time whilst being married to the other one, it was just shameful. And that's when you started lying about it. "Melrose? Naaahhh. Haven't watched Melrose since Kimberly pulled off her wig." It's getting that way with Idol. But it's not there yet!

I love Paula. She's so...well....Paula. There's no other way to describe it. I am fairly convinced, however, that I could bet her a thousand dollars that by the end of a show that she would not have uttered a complete and sensical sentence. There's just no way. Have you heard her lately? So in order for her to get the thousand bucks, it would have to a) make sense, b) be completed and c) be a sentence. No way she gets all three of those in one sentence. Never.

And for some reason, the Idol judges seem to be able to give commentary or give their opinion on just about anything, whether they're qualified to do so or whether or not the thing that they're chiming in on has anything at all remotely to do with them, or Idol, or singing, or even two guys and a chick sitting in a room together. Nothing. They can comment on nothing and people act as if what has come out of their mouth is some sort of gospel. And while it's not gospel, if Paula's speaking, it's usually hilarious.

That bring us to an inexplicable clip of John Walsh. Yes, the dude from America's Most Wanted, that is correct. John Walsh is announcing that AMW has reached the milestone of capturing it's 1,000th fugitive. That's impressive. And helpful. So why, why, tell me why the American Idol judges were asked to comment on this event? I don't get it. And if the clip is any indication, the three judges are the exact same in real life as they are on American Idol. Simon is very straight and direct and to the point. No need for a lot of fan fare with that man. Randy is about the most non-genuine individual on the planet. He says the same thing with the same intonation for everything that comes out of his mouth. And Paula? Oh, Paula. She's the same, too. The clip is below. See for yourself.

"I can't believe you have captured for a thousand........(long pause).........bad people. (Throw kiss) Out to you." Um, what? "Bad people?" Well, yeah, they're "bad people", Paula. But we don't call them "bad people". We're not four! Adults tend to go with "fugitives" or "criminals" or "escaped convicts" or whatever the case may be. "Bad people"? Eh, not so much. It's like midway through her sentence she either forget where she was or suddenly woke up out of a coma and couldn't figure out what the sentence was the she needed to finish. It kind of reminded me of when George W. Bush used the term "evil doers", like he's Batman in Gotham or something.

But that's why I like American Idol. Simon is very accurate and very snarky. Randy is very fake and very chummy. And Paula is very predictable and very confused. And that's how I like her. Because if she's not going to be liquored up, at least she's dingy.

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