Monday, May 12, 2008

Longer Than Any Elephant Gestation Period

A gaggle of DuggarsIf you're talking about people and the number eighteen came up, wouldn't that seem like a lot of people? Eighteen? What about if they were all in one room? Then would it seem like a lot of people? I think so. I mean, eighteen of anything seems like a lot of anything, really. I mean, if you had eighteen eggs, they wouldn't all fit in one normal carton. So that would be a lot of eggs. Now imagine if those eighteen eggs were all from the same uterus. Wait. What?

Michelle Duggar, wife of Jim Bob (yes, that's really his name) Duggar, isJim Bob and Michelle bring the newest baby rabbit to the home hutch. pregnant with her eighteenth child. That means that the Duggars are currently the parents to seventeen children. And seventeen, while it's not eighteen, is still a heck of a lot of kids. Especially to come out of one woman. On purpose. And if you add up all of that gestation time, Michelle, who is 41, has spent about 11 YEARS being pregnant. That's 135 months. (A little perspective: What were you doing in 1997? Imagine you were pregnant. You'd STILL be pregnant today if you were pregnant for 11 YEARS. Makes me a little nauseous just to think about it.)

Now, does that girl look thrilled with ANOTHER sibling or what?Now, when you have 17 children and you have 26 letters in the alphabet, why you wouldn't spread the names around a little bit, I'm not quite sure. But the Duggars have named all of their children with names that start with J. Joshua, twins Jana and John-David, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, twins Jedidiah and Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah and Jennifer, who arrived last August 2nd, only nine months ago. And Michelle is pregnant again. Good Lord. And that's exactly how they see it, as they plan to "keep having children as long as God wills it." (Well, if that's the only reason that they think that they continue to have children, that would explain a lot. Perhaps someone might want to mention the other reason that some people keep having children. Here's a hint: It has to do with all of the sex.)

Aside from the rapid and frequent breeding practice that the Duggars seem to have down to aMore Duggars science, they seem like fine people. They also seem (remarkably) sane. Really. Oh, I understand disbelief at the "sane" part. Believe me. I think I've developed a slight twitch just writing about this. But they do just fine, apparently. They claim to be able to feed the entire clan on just $2,000 a month. I'm guessing that this is only possible because they have some sort of agriculture farm or a plantation there that all of the kids go to work on after a rough day of home schooling. (I'm envisioning something like one of those Chinese sweatshops, only outside and with produce instead of all the fabric.)

On the Discovery Channel's Duggar website, they have a little section called "Fun Facts". OK, I don't know that it's possible to have any "fun facts" when you're talking about shooting 18 kids out of one uterus, but let's see....
  • Every Duggar child learns to play both violin and piano. (Seems kind of fun.)

  • The Duggars are debt free. (Sounds remarkably fun.)

  • Average number of months between Duggar births is 18. (The fun is waning.)

  • The Duggars do approximately 200 loads of laundry each month. (The fun has definitely waned.)

  • Estimated number of Duggar diapers to date is 90,000. ("Fun" not even a remote possibility.)

  • Michelle’s been pregnant for 135 months of her life. (Oh, my God! This, clearly, is the farthest thing FROM "fun" that I can possibly think of.)

And just one last thing. The Duggar females might want to consider a slightly different style of clothing, as I was noticing that it seems a little too similar to that of the extremely misguided FLDS women down yonder in Polygamyville, Texas. (You can compare the photos below.) I'd really hate for the Duggars to get wrongly associated with that whole group, because when you've got eighteen kids, you've already got enough explaining to do. You really don't need something else on top of that.

Duggar Women FLDS Women

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