Saturday, May 10, 2008

WTF Is Wrong With You?

From the files of WTF Is Wrong With You? Three teenagers in Humble, TX (that name will prove itself to be ironic here shortly) admitted that they were involved in and responsible for a theft. Well, a couple of thefts. So, two thefts. Now, usually, I'm the first one handing out kudos for people taking responsibility (and I'm not talking about those tasty granola treats, either. Though it's a thought. They're really good!), but not in this case. Sorry. There will be no kudos from me here (and that DOES include those tasty treats). That's because what the three teens stole (twice, mind you. TWICE.) was a skull. From a body. In a grave. After they removed the head. AND THEN USED THE SKULL AS A BONG TO SMOKE POT!!!!

Again, WTF is wrong with you?! All three of you. WTF?

I guess that there was some abandoned cemetery to the north of Humble which, according to KTRK News is a northern suburb of Houston. (You know, in case you need some sort of geographical bearing to understand how whacked out it is for three teenagers to steal a head from a corpse to use the skull as a freaking bong! Yeah, location is everything.)The boys had found the cemetery and then got the brilliant idea to make a skull pipe. And what better place to find a skull than in a cemetery! Lucky them!

They were all charged with abuse of a corpse which is a misdemeanor (unless you're the corpse and then it feels a little more serious). The only way that the cops found out about this is that one of the boys was arrested on an unrelated theft matter (I can only imagine what that could have consisted of. Wandering off with a paraplegic's wheelchair? Stealing guide dogs from the blind?) and admitted to the theft of head.

The cop said that he initially doubted the story. (Why? Why would you doubt this story? You've got a kid, already in trouble for stealing things, right? You think he's going to MAKE UP something like THAT?! I'm pretty creative, but I highly doubt that I would come up with "I stole the head off a dead body so me and my buddies could smoke some weed. Dude. Heh-heh.") But then he talked with another one of the boys and he said the same thing. The story also mentioned that it took the cops 2 days to find the abandoned cemetery. WHY on earth they didn't just have the boys take them there is beyond me. They had obviously been there at least TWICE. Both times for the same purpose. Skull snatching.

And whose skull did they steal? Apparently it was that of an 11 year old boy who died in 1921. "The headstone was knocked off its base, and the grave consisted of a huge hole filled with rain water. Um, what about the rest of the kid? "At this point, police have not recovered any bones, but they are trying to locate the family of the deceased to inform them of the incident. (OK, I'm really questioning this procedure. It's questionable for me if I would want to know that the skull of my dearly departed had been removed from the grave and used as a bong. I'm really leaning towards that being something that I don't need to know.)

Now, look, this story is disturbing on so many levels, it's hard to know where to start. But I'll try. First of all, it is absolutely sick and wrong to want to smoke pot (or anything else) out of a human skull. If you're thinking this sounds like a good idea, it's highly likely there is something wrong with you. Second, if you have a friend, an acquaintance, a courteous neighbor, anyone, really, who suggests to you that perhaps the two of you should go to a cemetery for the purpose of retrieving a skull from which to smoke pot from, you should immediately (but politely) decline. Then you should ask that twisted individual, "Dude, WTF?" Third, (and this is really kind of an elaboration on number two above here) do NOT go with your friend to the cemetery to dig up a corpse and take the skull. DO. NOT. DO. IT. I cannot stress this point enough (but hopefully the caps hammered it home for you).

Usually, those who smoke pot don't have quite this much ambition to do anything that doesn't involve some sort of snack. But this is just ambition gone horribly, horribly awry. Can't wait to hear how all of this plays out in front of a judge. Stay tuned for that, won't ye?

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