Yo Ho Ho and a Sword and Some Pot

So, would it surprise you if a guy in New York was arrested for carrying a rusty pirate sword into Macy's (of all places)? Not so much, right? Would it surprise you if it was a grown man on his way to a kickball game that he was playing in? Little bit, eh? Well, how about if the grown man on his way to a kickball game that he was playing in was carrying the rusty sword because his team dresses up like pirates for their games? Yep, that should do it.

And that's what got Lawrence Jackson (otherwise known as Matey Lance) arrested. That's Lance over there on the right. (He's clearly the secret love child of Spike Lee.) See, the NYPD doesn't see the pirate-y kickballer sword as being a sort of recreational sport prop. No, they tend to see it as a "weapon". Which is why they arrested him. (And they kind of have a point. I think "sword", I think "weapon". Actually, I think "sword", I think "Arrgh! Weapon!")

So what was a sporty, sword-wielding pirate doing at Macy's? He was shopping for glasses with his pregnant girlfriend, Teresa, on their way to his kickball game against " La Resistance" in Brooklyn's McCarren Park. They had taken the subway to Macy's and since no one on the New York subway complained about a fellow rider with a weapon (shocking, I know), he must have felt that the crowd at Macy's would have the same set of standards. Oh, but alas, they did not. (Teresa did say that she told him to "check the sword with security, but he went in with it anyway".) It was reported that some shoppers, those not used to weapon carrying buccaneers in the Vision Department, were frightened. That would explain how the cops became involved (I'm assuming).

His girlfriend told the New York Post, "It's metal, but it's a fake sword. It's not like he was going to hurt anyone." You know, while I know what she means, if it looks like a sword and it feels like a sword, it's kind of a sword. And Teresa and Lance told the cops this when they showed up. But the cops said, "He thought it was a toy. But it's not a toy. It's sharp." (Hey now! Think back to your childhood, officer! Some of the best toys that we had were sharp! Sharp, dangerous, could poke out an eye, that's the stuff that beautiful recreational memories from early childhood are made of.)

And he might have been an oblivious sword carrying corsair, but he was also not a very bright one because the guy had an outstanding warrant for possession of marijuana. Marijuana that was just like the kind that he had on him at the time of the Great Macy's Sword Fiasco 2008. Brilliant.

But those kickballing pirates stick together like birds of a pirate's parrot's feathers. The captain of Lance's kickball team wrote a letter to the Post in support of Lance, kickball and pirates. It reads:

"We at Los Piratas Mechanicos (The Mechanical Pirates) ARRR like a family. We bring props, dress up like pirates, wear eyepatches and say ARRR all the time. We fly flags and throw water balloons. This is what we do. We ARRR the Pirates of Kickball. Lance has been an crucial part of this team for many years now. He was one of the first people to make me feel a part of the team I now lead. It is very unfortunate that Lance decided to take the sword and walk around with it in Macy's. The sword was actually supposed to be given to me as the official transference of captianship. So in a way I feel like it's partly my fault. We hope for his speedy release."

Well said, Captain. Well said. (Especially the part about "We ARRR the Pirates of Kickball". That was hilarious, sir. Hil-arious.)


Just in case you were wondering about the whole "adults playing kickball" thing, let me provide a few details. There are an astounding thirty three teams in the kickball league with the Pirates. Yes, thirty three. One more than the number of football teams in the NFL. And yes, the other 32 kickball teams sport names just as original as Los Pirates Mechanicos. For example, there are the MakeOuts, The John Cougar Mellencamps and The Government Kickbacks. Also, in addition to the pirate gear and pirate speak, Los Piratas Mechanicos sometimes sport drawn on mustaches for the full swashbuckling effect. ARRR!

Now, if you haven't found a soft spot for these grown men playing a sport usually found on elementary school playgrounds at recess, maybe this will do it: Here's what co-captain Hector Castillo had to say about the incident, "It was just a dumb joke. I know it sounds like a dumb idea, but we're all family here. We were planning a baby shower for his kid. We were going to deck it out with pirate flags." Aw. I mean, Ar.

Good luck with this, Lance. You ARRR probably going to need it.

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