Top Ten Reasons...

A friend of mine had posted on Facebook that Sarah Palin, for some reason, said that she would be up to debating President Barry anytime and anywhere. Now, I wasn't so much aware that just regular citizens could debate the President. I didn't know that was something that we're doing now. But good for her if that's what she wants to do. Actually, I take that back. She needs to not say things like that as to not make herself look like a buffoon. And really, this is the woman who, when preparing for the Vice Presidential debate in 2008, couldn't stop herself from calling Joe Biden "Joe O'Biden". Does she really want to go up against President Barry? Because say what you will about the guy, you can't deny that he is a brilliant public speaker and would probably wipe the floor with Sarah Palin's hot little Alaskan MILF ass. But are there reasons why she should go ahead and debate him? (Hypothetically, of course, as a Palin-Obama debate is never going to happen.) Of course there are. There are at least ten. Here we go.

The Top Ten reasons that Sarah Palin should debate President Barry.

Number Ten: She'd show him a thing or two when the topic turned to snow machine racing or moose skinning.

Number Nine: Perfect opportunity to point out that none of his daughters are knocked up yet, while one of hers already accomplished that AND given birth.

Number Eight: Might finally have come up with an answer to that age old question "What do you read?"

Number Seven: Could point out Russia from her house.

Number Six: Perfect time to give Michelle Obama tips on how to improve her 'sexy librarian' look.

Number Five: It'd be a good time to finally break out her Tina Fey impersonation that she's been working on.

Number Four: Wouldn't accidentally call him "Grandpa" like she did with McCain that one time.

Number Three: Could always have a pit bull wearing lipstick stand in for her in case something came up at the last minute.

Number Two: If it was a foreign policy debate, they could have it at the International House of Pancakes in Wasilla.

And the Number One reason Sarah Palin should debate President Barry: Everyone loves a train wreck!

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The Third (And Last) Top Ten Searches Of 2009

Tired of reading about the top ten searches of 2009 for the various search engines? I'm kind of tired of writing about them, really. But I find it interesting that the Yahoo! and Google searches differ in the ways of social networking (Google) popularity versus geeky and/or redneck entertainment (Yahoo!) popularity, the top ten Bing searches are neither of those. In fact, the Bing searches almost make you wonder if Bing folks are actually searching for information on something of either newsworthiness or substance. Granted, most things on the Internet barely qualify for either of those, if at all. I'll give you that. But Bing searchers weren't just interested in hotties and Facebook. In fact, Facebook didn't even make the top ten over yonder at Bing. Guess those folks, unlike the Turkish Internet users, can figure out how to log in to Facebook without having to go through a search engine. Congrats.

Number Ten on Bing this past year was for Jaycee Dugard who was kidnapped in 1991 when she was 11 and was found living in what was basically a prison camp in the backyard of the scumbag and the scumbag's wife who kidnapped her. A fascinating story, really. Of course, not to Google or Yahoo! searchers, but fascinating none the less.

Billy Mays here for the Number Nine most popular search on Bing! Yeah, ol' Billy Mays, the pitchman for OxiClean, Mighty Putty and a host of other infomercial-tastic products could also have been the pitchman for "You'll Be Dead If You Have Heart Problems And Insist On Doing Cocaine".

Bing searchers can't stay completely away from the tabloids and that's why Jon and Kate Gosselin came in at Number Eight. I'd like to know exactly what the searches were for in regards to Jon and Kate. I'm guessing things like "Jon Gosselin is a douche" and "Jon Gosselin sex tape" were probably more frequented than they were not.

Cash for Clunkers earned the Number Seven slot. Apparently Bing searchers were less interested in Megan Fox's arse and more interested in how they could get around $4,000 of their car purchased subsidized by the rest of us. Let's see if "Unsustainable Taxpayer Subsidized Programs" makes their Top Ten, shall we?

I was glad to see Patrick Swayze make Number Six. Not so glad that he made one of the top ten searches because he was dead, but glad that he made it at all. He seemed like he was a really good guy and it's unfortunate that folks don't seem to realize that about people until after they're dead. What say we try seeing the good in people and letting them know about it while they're still around to give an S about it, eh?

Farrah Fawcett came in at Number Five and that's really a huge injustice. I mean, come on! She had to die on the same damn day as Jacko? What are the odds of that happening? She didn't get nearly the public mourning attention that she deserved. She was Farrah Fawcett for cryin' out loud! I'll bet you that most people will see her name on this list (provided they're not too busy searching for "Brittney Spears naked") and think "Oh, yeah, that's right." You only get one chance in this world to croak it and Michael Jackson steals your thunder. Hope it's going better for her now, that's for sure.

Stock Market took the Number Four position while Swine Flu took third. Considering all of the swines that are running around on Wall Street, it's not really surprising that these two ended up so close together, but it is rather ironic.

And effin' Twitter came in at Number Two. See? NO ONE knows what in the heck Twitter is! Still! Look for it to come in at roughly the same degree of search-i-ness next year, as we're still not going to know what it is or what it's good for. (In case you're still wondering what Twitter is, it's the Internet platform for people to display their vanity to the rest of the world that they think cares about their every move. We don't, by the way. We wish they'd stop with the tweeting already.)

And of course poor ol', dead Jacko comes in at Number One again. Who would be someone who could croak tomorrow that would get the kind of searches that Jacko got? I'm drawing a blank. Oh, President Barry. If he were to choke on a chicken bone or something and kick it, the Internets would freaking explode. Let's hope that doesn't happen. President Joe Biden isn't something I'm OK with just so I can see what would happen to the Internets.

I find the difference in the types of searches between Google, Yahoo! and Bing to be telling. I think that it tells me that there's something out there for everyone and they're going to look around until they find what's right for them. Can each one of those search engines do anything differently in order to tap the other one's market? I would imagine that they could (hell, those Google boys can do darn near anything), but I couldn't even fathom a guess as to how. How do you draw a certain group of people to your search engine, for cryin' out loud? I have no idea, but that's why I am the Internet user and they are the Internet makers. Good job, guys! Carry on!

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Top Ten Things You're Not Searching For

I've just glanced through the top Internet searches for 2009 on Google and on Yahoo! and I've come to this conclusion: The Internet is a toy which we use strictly for our enjoyment and pleasure. I've also concluded that while most folks are morons and judging strictly on what was searched for, folks that are searching on Yahoo! are simpletons compared to those searching on Google.

Let's just run down the Top Ten Searches for 2009 on Google first, shall we? In a very particular order, starting with Number Ten is something called Torpedo Gratis. I believe that translates roughly to "free torpedo". I would like a free torpedo. (It'd be a nice conversation piece. I never know what to say when I have company.) I have never thought of searching for one however. But since so many people did over the course of 2009, I figured I'd better check it out. It is a website in Brazil that allows you to send a free text message from your computer to a cell phone. I guess that's needed in Brazil. Hard to imagine it doing very well in the US.

Number Nine was equally puzzling to me, as it was something called Dantri.com.vn. It's in Vietnamese, so just looking at the page didn't help me a bit. But according to something called Xomba, "...it is a Vietnamese page where you can find news...Each news has its own headline that you can select to see the whole information." OK, so it's like a news aggregator t kind of a deal, only in Vietnamese. I get that. (Then again, Xomba could be lying. I don't know. It could be Vietnamese human trafficking and porn for all we know.)

Number Eight was Windows 7. Finally something I understand!

Number Seven was Lady Gaga. Crap. Right back to things I don't understand.

Number Six was New Moon (the sparkly vampire movie sequel thing to Twilight, the sparkly vampire movie original that started it all!).

Number Five was another head scratcher. It was something called Sanalika and according to the European Tech Crunch it is "a virtual world where you can play multiplayer games and join realtime events. It was launched on November 2008 and has already reached over 3 million users." That doesn't help me understand why it's so popular, but it seems like it has to do with little anime characters, and no one can ever help me understand why those are so popular, so I'm just going to have to take The Google's word for it that folks like it.

Numbers Four, Three and Two perplex the heck out of me. Four is Twitter (which is perplexing in and of itself, I realize that, but stay with me here), Three is Tuenti (which I think is pronounced like "twenty" and is basically the Spanish Facebook) and Two is Facebook. Now, I understand that those sites are popular, but I don't understand why they would be so popular on a Google search that it would warrant them being the top second, third and fourth search for an entire year. I wouldn't have thought that so many people didn't know what they were that they needed to search for them. But I only thought that because I was wrong. Fortunately for me, I can use Google to actually search rather than using it to be lazy, which is what would account for this phenomenon.

Back to the Tech Crunch folks for the answer to this. They claim that "Most Turkish Internet users search for the domain or keyword of a website on Google then click on the first search result to go to the actual site." Wow. I don't understand. I thought computers were computers. Do they not have the automatic fill in thing with web browsers in Turkey? You type in the URL once and then it remembers it? Or better yet, they don't have bookmarks in Turkey? Y'all can't bookmark your damn Facebook and click on that? Instead you type "Facebook" into Google and then click on it. This is why Turkey is Turkey and the US is the US. No further explanation needed. What is wrong with people?

The Number One search on Google this year, if you haven't already figured it out, was Michael Jackson. It took the guy dying for people to want to pay attention to him again. That's pretty sad. I'm not saying that he didn't bring a lot of it upon himself, I'm just saying that it's pretty sad. I'd like to think that maybe if he had known how much people had liked him and how many people had liked him that he wouldn't have had nearly all of the issues that he had. But it's the answer to that and other questions that are much more important that can't be found through a Google search. The Google is to entertain you and me and to make Sergey and Larry a gazillion more dollars. That's it. That's the sole purpose of the Google. The Google is like the Internet version of The Oprah (only without the intermittent weight gain and the lesbian rumors about Gayle King). It's to entertain and to make money. Tomorrow I'll delve into how Yahoo! is just like The Google...only without the making money part.

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Dictators, Potato Salad and Suri Cruise

Once again, Parade magazine, that little insert in the Sunday paper that gives us recipes for potato salad and other picnic fare, along with helpful tips on how to keep our pets healthy, useful suggestions for where to vacation with your family and what Suri Cruise is up to, has come out with its list of the Top Ten Worst Dictators in the world. An odd departure from "5 Tips For A Sodium Free Meal" indeed.

I suppose it's good to know these things, if for no other reason than simply from a humanitarian standpoint (or in case you end up as a Jeopardy! contestant). But is Parade magazine really qualified for this? Some of Parade's "sister sites" are Allure, Architectural Digest, Golf for Women, Glamour, Vogue, Wired.com, GQ, Conde' Naste Traveler and Brides.com just to name a few. Very rarely do I ever associate the world's worst dictators with any of those publications either. (Well, maybe Vogue. They're awfully haughty over there.) Architectural Digest? How would that article read? ("Here you can see the appealing structure that the flying buttresses give to this room. What's not appealing is how Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe treats the citizens of his country." Or "As Annika Sorenstam gets ready to tee off from the 14th, she's focusing on the direction of the wind and trying to decide which is the appropriate club to use. What's not appropriate is the dictatorship of Kim Jung-iL over there in North Korea." You almost never read stuff like that. Rarely, in fact.) Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the information, I just find the source rather amusing.

Just to elaborate on how odd I find Parade magazine's annual list of dictators, here is a sampling of some other features in the very same issue of Parade that contains all of the dictating:

• Quirkiest Celebrity Baby Names (Could grow up to have quirkiest worst dictator name!)
• Top 5 Jobs, No Bachelor's Degree Required (Perhaps 'dictator' is one of them!)
• Take Control of Your Appetite! (Then take control of your country as one of the worst dictators!)

On to the list! From...Parade magazine, correct. Hoo-boy. OK...

First, a big hearty congratulations to Pervez Musharraf and Islam Karimov for dropping out of the Top Ten this year! Nice job, fellas! Musharraf went from 8th in 2008 to not even ranking in the Top 20 this year! Quite an improvement! Now, granted he did resign as President of Pakistan in August of 2008, so it's a little hard to make the Top Ten when you're not even in charge of anything. But the new guy isn't in the Top Ten, so I'm looking at that as progress! And Karimov went from 9th in 2008 to 11th in 2009 and he is still in charge! It's only two spots, but it took him out of the Top Ten and that's important! The less dictator-y one is, the better.

Those two have their spots in the Top Ten replaced by newcomers Muammar al-Qaddafi and Gurbanguly Berdymuhammedov. (Good Lord, sir. As a dictator, can't you demand that you shorten that name or else? Who names a baby Gurbanguly?) Mr. Qaddafi is the infamous leader of Libya, a country which became a household name when Christopher Lloyd shouted, "The Libyans!" to Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future in 1985. (It was his density.) Well, he's back in the Top Ten at Number 10 and looking strong. Old, but strong. As far as G.B. over there, he runs something called Turkmenistan which used to be part of the Soviet Union until 1991. He's only been in power for a couple of years, so to be named ninth out of the Top Ten in such a short period of time is quite an achievement. Yep, he's going to be quite the A-hole if he keeps this up.

In 8th place up from 10th last year is Isayas Afewerki of Eritrea. Eritrea was part of Ethiopia right up until it wasn't. Seems like around 2007 is when things really started getting stirred up over there as a result of not being attached to it's former country/host. Afewerki looks like Steadman Graham (also known as Mr. Oprah). Steadman Graham looks like Eric Holder, the nominee for Attorney General. In May of 2008 Afewerki decided elections would be postponed for "three or four decades" maybe more! Apparently they "polarize society." Well, nothing like non-polarization than only having one side!

Sayyid Ali Khamenei of Iran stayed in 7th. He's pretty much into arresting those who are into any sort of civil rights AND he allows for the government execution of juveniles! Boys can be executed at 15. Girls? At nine. I don't know what to say about that. Some things are just SO wrong that you can't even fathom them enough in order to say anything. Ugh. I don't really understand the "Iran has a dictator" thing. I thought that Iran had President I'm A Dinner Jacket running the show over there. So why is this guy there? Personally, I can see no use for him. Anywhere, really.

Hu Jintao of China moved down from 6th place to 5th this year. Ah, China. Home to the 5th worst dictator in the world. Hey, I know! Let's hold the Olympics there and pretend that none of that is happening, what do you say?! Great! Now that the Olympics are over, we can go back to where we started and act as if none of that ever happened, as in 2008, the US imported $340 billion worth of stuff from China. Where does that leave us? At Square One. Correct. And welcome.

King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia also dropped down this year from 4th to 5th. Saudi Arabia, home of the 5th worst dictator. So here's a good idea: Let's buy all of their oil to further our dependence on it and subsequently on them as well!. Let's abhor everything their lifestyle embraces and let's send that message by buying a gazillion dollars worth of oil every freaking day. That sends a crystal clear message doesn't it? Certainly. Sends the message that they have us by the balls and will twist our proverbial scrotum at will. Ouchy. But we have oil, so yay?

Next is Myanmar. Well, now it's called Myanmar, but you may know it as Burma. To quote J. Peterman "It will always be Burma to me." A most excellent Seinfeld episode. A not so excellent country which is ruled by Than Shwe (which reminds me of Fung Shui), who has dropped down from 3rd place last year to land in 4th. To give you some idea of how this guy runs things, in May, there was a cyclone which killed 140,000-ish and left over 2 million homeless. In response to the devastation, Than Shwe/Fung Shui blocked access to the hardest hit areas because he was busy fixing and rigging an election so he could get his constitution approved. So 4th place seems about right. Definitely justified.

Kim "Platform Shoes" Jung-iL over there in North Korea has made a most impressive drop from first place last year down to 3rd. Can you imagine where he'll drop if it turns out that he's been dead for a year and all of those people that we've seen were just look-alikes? They're pretty sneaky over there. A crafty bunch. I have no reason to believe he's not dead. And at the same time, not a whole lot to go on to prove that he is dead. But I still don't trust 'em.

Omar Al-Bashir in Sudan comes in 2nd place for the 2nd year in a row. Ah, always the bridesmaid, eh, Sudan? Somewhere along the line we got used to referring to it as "The Sudan" in the same way that we got used to referring to Congo as "The Congo". Why did we start doing that? Why did we stop? Did we not want it to catch on? Were we afraid that if the "the" was attached to all countries that we'd start sounding like Miss Teen South Carolina 2008 and her declaration that we needed to help those in "The Iraq" and such as? That's a pretty good reason! We might not have to worry about him being on the list next year, as the ICC has charged him with all things dictator-ish including: “murdering, exterminating, raping, torturing, and forcibly transferring large numbers of civilians, and pillaging their property.” He's definitely list-worthy.

And Number One is a guy who climbed all the way from 6th place in 2008 clear up to 1st in 2009! It's Dictator Bob! Bob the Dictator! Bobby Rules the Land! It's Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe (oooh, that's limerick material in the making right there) who is Parade Magazine's Number One Worst Dictator in the World! Take a bow, Bobby! You've been selected for this dishonor, according to Parade Magazine, for things such as:

• An 85% unemployment rate (Egads! 85%?! Things are definitely looking up here with our 10% unemployment.),
• An inflation rate so high that they government had to issue a $50 billion note! What can you get for $50 billion in Zimbabwe? Two loaves of bread. (I am not making this up.)
• He agreed to hold an election in 2008 and would abide by the results...if he won. Guess what happened? He won! Shocking, eh?
• During that election, his supporters killed 163 people who opposed him. And then they beat and/or tortured another 5,000, just for kicks.

So there you have it. How happy are you that you don't live in any of those places? (If you do happen to live in any of those places, thanks for reading the blog! And, um, yeah....sorry about all the dictatorship going on there. That really sucks.) And how happy are you that you can live in a country where you have access to such versatile publications like that of Parade magazine which you can count on one Sunday every year to bring you tips on how to brighten your spring wardrobe right there along with the Top Ten Worst Dictators list and a recipe for a scrumptious spinach dip? Exactly. Thanks, Parade. I'll be looking forward to your Top Ten Potluck Dishes For Memorial Day issue!

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Top 10 List of Memorable Quotes You Will Soon Forget

The folks over there at the Yale Book of Quotations have compiled a list of the Top 10 Quotes of 2008. In other news, there is a Yale Book of Quotations. And the number one quote was something that wasn't said by the person who was supposed to have said it and the person who did say it isn't really that person. Did you catch all that? If not, don't worry, it will all make sense by the end of this post. (And if it doesn't make sense by then, I don't know what to tell you. I didn't say it was a magic post.)

Now, although it's a "Top Ten" list, there are three quotes that tied for tenth. I am not a fan of the tie; neck or things that are the same. I find it odd that it was the last spot on the list that they had trouble narrowing down the final candidates for. They just couldn't bear to leave at least two of those three off of the list. Let's see if they did the right thing (I'm guessing they did not).

• Number 10: "Anyone who says we're in a recession, or heading into one, especially the worst one since the Great Depression, is making up his own private definition of 'recession.' Those words of incorrect wisdom from commentator Donald Luskin on September 14. Oh, and that was the day right before Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy. You know, because of the recession that we're not having.
  
  
• Number 10 - AGAIN: "Cash for trash." That came from Paul Krugman on the topic of the bailout of the financial companies on Sept. 22.
  
  
• Number 10 - YET AGAIN: "There are no atheists in foxholes and there are no libertarians in financial crises." That's Paul Krugman again. (Did he compile this list? They had to have two quotes by the same guy tie for Number Ten??) He was being interviewed by Bill Maher for HBO's "Real Time" which was aired on Sept. 19

OK, nothing personal Yale Book of Quotations That We Never Knew Existed Guys, but those kind of sucked. I know they were Number Ten and all, but they weren't great. They were far from memorable. I mean, all I'm going to remember is that they kind of sucked and somehow I don't think that's what you had in mind.

• Number 9: "Barack, he's talking down to black people. ... I want to cut his nuts off." That was July 6 when Rev. Jesse Jackson learned that he should always make sure his mike isn't live before he starts making comments that he think won't be heard on the air at Fox News.

Now we're talking! That was memorable! Next!

• Number 8: "I'll see you at the debates, bitches." How hot was Paris Hilton when she made that video in response to one of John McCain's TV ads for his campaign. Probably pretty hot, but only because it was in August.


• Number 7: "Maybe 100." That was John McCain on Jan. 3. Would you like to take a guess as to what he was referring to? No, not his age. He was speculating at the number of years that US troops could continue to remain in Iraq. (Ouch!)


• Number 6: "Decisions by the Secretary pursuant to the authority of this Act are non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any administrative agency." Allow me to translate that: When the Emergency Economic Stabilization Act was proposed by the Treasury Department in Sept. 2008, what they were saying was one guy will be in charge of the $700 billion and he can do with it whatever he wants and no one can say any different, including the Federal Government or the Supreme Court. (Be prepared to see that quote in the list of Top Ten Most Frightening Quotes of 2008 when it comes out.)


• Number 5: "The fundamentals of America's economy are strong." What would have been even more memorable after John McCain said that during an interview with folks at Bloomberg TV on April 17 would have been if he had explained himself instead of letting people think he was a moron for saying that. What he was saying was and is correct. America's economy has a solid foundation. That doesn't mean it won't falter. But the fundamentals of what builds our economy are strong. You just don't say things like that when every other house in the country is being foreclosed on. And you don't do that because why? Because you'll look like an idiot, that is correct.
  
  
• Number 4: "It's not based on any particular data point, we just wanted to choose a really large number." Why, yes! I did mock that particular quote in an earlier post! Anything that ridiculous deserves to be mocked (and by people who are a lot better at it than I am). That little gem was brought to us by Forbes.com on Sept. 23. Now if Forbes.com would only do a follow up article explaining what else they do over at the Treasury Department that seems to involve little more than throwing a bunch of darts at a board with big numbers on it. (I hear they take shots at a pinata when they're trying to figure out what to do with the prime interest rate.)
  

• Number 3: "We have sort of become a nation of whiners." That was one of John McCain's former economic advisers, former Sen. Phil Gramm as quoted on July 10 in The Washington Times. (Number 3 Most Memorable Follow Up Question: "SORT OF?!?!?")

• Number 2: "All of them, any of them that have been in front of me over all these years." OK, that one was pretty good! A one Governor Sarah Palin was describing what newspapers and magazines she reads after she was asked the question by Katie Couric during an interview in which Gov. Palin seemed barely able to utter a coherent sentence, as evidenced by the quote above. The cringe-worthy interview was aired on Oct. 1.
  
  

• And finally, the Number One Memorable Quote for 2008 is: "And I can see Russia from my house!" Ah...the brilliance of comedy imitating life. That was a very funny one Tina Fey during the first Saturday Night Live skit where she played Gov. Sarah Palin opposite a very funny one Amy Poehler in the role of Sen. Hillary Clinton. Fey/Palin was responding to the Poehler/Clinton statement, "I believe that diplomacy should be the cornerstone of any foreign policy." That instant classic aired on NBC on Sept. 13, but you can view it below. The Number One Memorable Quote for 2008 appears right around 1:25 into the classic bit.
  
  

And those are the Top Ten Memorable Quotes for 2008. "Can you believe it, Hillary?"

"I can-not!"

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The List of Complicated Lists

All I wanted to do was write a post about the Top 10 Google searches of 2008. How hard could that possibly be? Well, I should have known that while it would be simple to get A Top 10 list, that wouldn't necessarily mean that I would only have ONE to choose from. And God bless those Google boys, because I just love 'em, but must everything they do be so danged all encompassing? There needs to be an option on the Google home page for what kind of search you'd like to perform. Retard, Basic, Normal, Advanced, Geek, and Google-boy. Then the number and variety of your results would be filtered and you would come up with something that you didn't have to sift through (unless you're a sifter and enjoy a daily sifting. Some do. Who am I to judge?)

Ah, but then I found the Google Zeitgeist (bless you) 2008. A "zeitgeist" is defined as "the general intellectual, moral, and cultural climate of an era." Google, however, defines "zeitgeist" as "the spirit of the times." That's a little simpler, but it sounds kinda folksy. And when Sarah Palin didn't win and went back to Alaska, folksy went back with her. But if you're speaking strictly of that "spirit" Google says that they "reveal this spirit through the aggregation of millions of search queries we receive every day." How spirited of them, yes? Well, let's get into that spirit and start listing zeitgeists (or something like that). Here we go...

The 10 Fastest Rising Searches Globally:

• 10. Jonas Brothers
• 9. Euro 2008
• 8. Wer Kennt Wen
• 7. Nasza Klasa
• 6. Obama
• 5. Heath Ledger
• 4. Tuenti
• 3. Facebook login
• 2. Beijing 2008
  

And the Number One Fastest Rising Search around the world was for:

• 1. Sarah Palin

OK, I even don't know what half of those are.

• Wer Kennt Wen is apparently a German social networking site. (Wow. I would have expected it to be Chinese or Indian, because there are a heck of a lot of people in those countries and that would make sense for it to be the Number 8 search around the world. But Germany? Really? Who knew?)
  
  
• Nasza Klasa is a large social networking platform for people in Poland. (Again, who knew? Aside from the people in Poland. Anyone? Anyone? I thought so.)
  
  
• Tuenti is a what? A social networking site, that is correct! It's out of Madrid and it's been called what? The Spanish Facebook, that is also correct! (Now, how come Tuenti is the Spanish Facebook, but Wer Kennt Wen isn't the "German Facebook" and Nasza Klasa isn't the "Polish Facebook"? That I don't get at all.)
  

Another thing I don't get (that's actually related to this post) is Number Three, "Facebook login". Perhaps all of these folks who are doing a search for "Facebook login" should make their next search terms be "bookmarks for your web browser". I don't get it. That many people would rather take the time to go through Google and search for "Facebook login" than they would just, on a whim of fancy, try Facebook dot com and see what the heck happens? I'm confused. Not as confused as those folks, but confused none the less. (Don't get me wrong. I know there are a ton of morons out there. But now they're morons with computers and they're trying to find Facebook. That means they'll be able to socially network with other computer using morons! Naturally, their headquarters will be located where? Florida, that is correct.)

What else do we have for 2008 searches? The questions, oh, the questions! The "What is?" The "Who is?" The "How to"? All of which are presumably asked by people who can't find Facebook to login. Let's see how they fared in these categories, shall we?

Top Ten Google Searches Asking "What Is....."?

• 10. Art
• 9. 3g
• 8. Lupus
• 7. Autism
• 6. Scientology
• 5. RSS
• 4. SAP
• 3. JAVA
• 2. Life
• 1. Love
  

More people want to know what love is than want to know what life is. That's telling. It's also amusing that the top "What is" question is one that doesn't really have an answer. Which leads me to the alternate number one question: "Why bother?" (With the question, that is. Go ahead and bother with love all you want. I hear it's fabulous. Actually, I kid. It is absolutely fabulous. )

The Top Ten Google Searches Asking "Who is....?"

• 10. Martin Luther
• 9. Biden
• 8. Chris Brown
• 7. Jonas Brothers
• 6. Dolla
• 5. Miley Cyrus
• 4. Lil Wayne
• 3. Palin
• 2. McCain
• 1. Obama

Wow. How I envy those who had to ask who Miley Cyrus was. What a life you people must lead! I am definitely jealous of that. (I really wish that the Lil Wayne question had been "Just how lil is he? What are we talking about? One foot? Two feet? Six inches? How lil?)

Top Ten Google Searches asking "How to...?"

• 10. Spell
• 9. Paint
• 8. Cite
• 7. Run
• 6. Hack
• 5. Tie
• 4. Cook
• 3. Write
• 2. Kiss
• 1. Draw

You people want to know what love is so badly that you made it Number One up there, but "How to kiss" is only Number Two on this list?! I'm not saying that knowing how to kiss is going to help you figure out what love is, but it isn't going to hurt. I'm just saying. Because if you can't kiss, you're going to have a hard time finding a date, let alone finding out what love is.

For the Top Ten Sports Searches of 2008, they only listed 5 teams for each of the five semi-major sports. (Come on! Soccer?!?! It's hardly a major sport in the US unless you're 11.) Here are the Top Five Baseball Team Searches for 2008:

• 5. Mets
• 4. Phillies
• 3. Cubs
• 2. Yankees
• 1. Red Sox (Yes, I listed the baseball ones just for you. I couldn't list the football ones! My Niners weren't on it!)

Here's what I find the most fascinating about all of these end of the year lists. From what I can tell, the Internet serves three general purposes and/or functions. Those three things are 1) News and Information, b) Social Networking (apparently, given the lists above) and 3) Porn. Porn, porn, porn! That's all you ever hear about and it's half of what you see online! Porn! Yet there is no mention whatsoever in any of these lists about porn. (Go ahead. If you want to call "social networking" the same as "porn" you can. I'll still think you're a moron, but you can call it that if you'd like. Moron.) I mean, my question right now is the same question that I would have thought would have been the Number One Question! That would be "Where's the porn?!" Seriously! I did a Google Image Search for "Google Searches" and what was my first result? THIS:

I'll be more interested in the Google Zeitgeist (bless you) during a non-election year because so many things were centered around that and all it involved. (Take one hot Governor from the middle of the frozen tundra, spoof her up on Saturday Night Live for a few weeks and the next thing you know? BAM! Suddenly everyone has election fever!) Of course, that won't be for another year and by then, I'm sure that Google will have tweaked their Zeitgeist (bless you) to where it will show us what our own personal Top Ten searches were. THEN we'll see the search results for all of the porn. I guarantee it.

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