Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Shoot Me Now

Ever wished there were more than 24 hours in the day? Of course you have (because who wouldn't like more time to squeeze in some naps?). While I cannot provide you with more actual hours, I can provide you with something that will make it seem like there are more than 24 hours in the day. In fact, I can provide you with something that will make the next five months seems like a freaking eternity. You'll be begging for those 24 hours days before it's over, trust me. Ahem....This is from the fine folks over there at the AP (yes, the Associated Press), who seem to have not received the memo that their slogan/motto/tag line-o-crap is "The Essential Global News Network." (The key words here are "essential" and "news". With the all of those tubes that make up the Internet, anything and everything could be "global" only 5 seconds after posting it on YouTube, so "global" isn't really relevant here.) Ready for time to stand still? Here we go.....

Headline......AP....... "Obama joins neighbors for a lake shore bicycle ride." Sweet mother of God, make it stop.

This? THIS? THIS is what we're going to have to put up with until freaking November?! Come on! Are you AP guys SERIOUS?! A bike ride?! What?!

The "article" goes something like this: "Barack Obama joined family and neighbors for a bicycle ride along the shores of Lake Michigan on Sunday.

"Obama, who last week claimed the Democratic presidential nomination, capped his victory with a quiet, long weekend at home in Chicago.

"The Illinois senator and his wife, Michelle, rode to a neighbor's house with their daughters, Malia and Sasha, on Sunday and the group then headed out for the ride along the scenic lake shore. But the outing was cut short by a downpour."

I do not need to read that Barack Obama went on a freaking bike ride with his family. I do not need minuscule detail paid to irrelevant aspects of the man's personal life unless it involves a child bride and/or one or more goats. In fact, I'd appreciate it if some minuscule detail was paid to some of his time in office and what he's done there. Or perhaps a pay a bit of attention to some of his policies, some of his pledges if he's elected President, something that has anything at all to do with his political platform and NOT things that involve HELMETS!

OH, and you'll be happy to know that the AP managed to include a picture with their "essential global news" news flash. Here we go. I call this photo, "Barack and Bike." Behold!

Wait, I thought that it said he went for the bicycle ride on the shore of Lake Michigan. That doesn't look like the shore of Lake Michigan to me. That looks like the crosswalk of Chicago. (It also looks like he could stand a little air in the back tire there. Who's running that show over there? The man needs air!)

This is going to be a looonnngggg five months. I can feel time screeching to a standstill as I type this. Geez, and I thought that waiting for Hillary to bow out took a long time. If I have to put up with this type of "reporting" for the next five months, I'm going to twist off. Can you imagine how this could go? "This just in....at 3:45 this afternoon, John McCain was just seen pulling up in his Buick outside the restaurant where he will be enjoying the Early Bird Special for dinner. Word on the street is that he will be in bed by 6:15 sharp after a glass of warm milk. Back to you in the studio."

The only good thing about this is that now, because I'm so depressed after reading this waste of space article about the exercise habits of Barry Obama, I must have a pic of Obama Girl to make myself feel better. Because, really, when doesn't Obama Girl make me feel better? That's right. Never. And now is no exception. I feel better already.

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