Monday, June 23, 2008

Mac, PC or WTF?

With the Presidential election less than a mere 140 days away (Good God, shoot me now), I still don't think we've had a really close look at the candidates yet. I mean, there's been plenty of ridiculous dirt slinging (mostly via online) in Barack's direction a la "He's a Muslim". (He's NOT a Muslim, by the way. Look, if you don't want to vote for Barack, don't vote for him because he's a socialist. Don't not vote for him because you think he's a Muslim. At least if you don't vote for him because he's a socialist, at least then you'll sound informed and intelligent about the whole dealio, instead of sounding like an ignorant jackass if you say you didn't vote for him because he's Muslim; which, just to clarify again, he is NOT a Muslim. ) Not a whole lot of talk about John McCain, however. A little bit of talk about his younger, very hot, chairwoman of Anheuser-Busch wife (Young? Hot? All the beer you can drink? Where do I sign up to get me one of those?), but not a lot about him. Well, a little about him.

What do we know about Grandpa John McCain? We know he's older than most Presidential candidates. (We know he's older than most people (mentioned in the Bible).) We know (or we should know) that the "Hilton" that he spent five years in over there during the Vietnam War came with the sort of room service that was of the torturing nature. That's about it, really. I don't know a lot about where he stands on a lot of the issues . I don't know a lot about his career. And I don't know a lot about him personally. I do know that when I am looking for information about him, that I'm trying to find info that will allow me to make a determination as to whether or not I think that he is "too old" to be President. And if "too old" is "too vague", how about if I refine that to be "someone who is going to be in touch with the needs of the people of the country"? Better? Good.

So far, my information quest hasn't turned up a whole lot that doesn't lean in the "too old" direction. It has turned up various items that seem to show him as a personable guy with a sense of humor and also as an individual who is absolutely, 100% in full control of his faculties and completely sane. All of that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm going to be OK with everything about the guy, because I am not. In fact, there's one HUGE thing that I am just way not OK with.

Somewhere around when Super Tuesday was (yes, I know it was a Tuesday! Thanks for that. I have no idea what month.),, for Yahoo! News, interviewed some of the potential Presidential candidates and asked them, "PC or Mac?" And if you're asking me, that's a much better line of questioning than "Boxers or briefs?" (Because really, where is the "Boxers or briefs?" inquisition going to go when we're asking female candidates? "G-string or Jockey?" "Tampons or pads?" I shudder at the very thought.)

They asked the question of Ron Paul (who is a year older than Uncle John), Mitt Romney, Mike Huckabee and John McCain. Ron Paul was a PC guy. Mitt Romney was a PC guy who would use a Mac because his sons do. Mike Huckabee (who did an unintentionally hilarious video for YouTube to introduce himself to America) was a PC guy as well. And John Methuselah McCain? John McCain said, and I quote, "Neither. I am an illiterate who has to rely on my wife for all of the assistance that I can get." (That sound you hear is my screaming and beating my head up against a wall. And not for the usual reasons, either.) Are you freaking kidding me?

Neither?! Neither?! Is the man from the Stone Age? Does he live next to a guy named Barney? Does he ride a horse to work? Has anyone seen his feet? Does he have shoes on? Neither?!?! WTF?!

Now, granted, I am currently residing smack dab in the middle of the birthplace of the technology industry, in San Jose, CA. (We might be a little geeky, but if it weren't for us, y'all would be cuddling up to John McCain right now to see how he manages to get all of the words so legible with that hammer and chisel when he chips out memos in marble.) We can get a little, um, excessive with our tech and our tech products. But come on! Not even email? Not even reading the news? Not even pretending to read the news while you look for porn? None of that, John?

I don't know if I can have a President with his finger on the button if he doesn't even know which button it is or what it does and has to go and find his wife to help him!! If you are under (and I'll be generous here) forty and learn of this phenomenon, you're going to be in a daze all day long. I was! (Shuffling around, muttering to myself, "Neither. Neither? How is that possible? How does he know what's up next in his Netflix queue? How does he watch Obama Girl on YouTube? Oh, my God! That means he doesn't read this blog!!" And then I passed out.)

Here's the video of McCain admitting that he doesn't use a computer. (In essence, he's also admitting that he walked uphill, in the snow, to school every day. BOTH ways!) Make up your own mind. But if you're not going to vote for McCain, don't not vote for him because he's old. Don't vote for him because he can't use a computer.

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