Friday, June 6, 2008

Dogs - What To STILL Not Do To Them

You know, I hadn't heard anything about the dyeing of dogs for a while, so I guess I thought that maybe people had gotten a clue and just stopped. Why, oh, why could that not have been the case? But it's not. They don't have a clue and they haven't stopped and the only ones who suffer are the dogs and me. But it's gotten worse. It's taken a turn I didn't even know was on the map. I'm sure the dogs didn't even know there was a map! But they know now. And they don't look happy about it.

Have you heard of something called "creative grooming"? It's kind of just like it sounds like it would be. It's the grooming of animals, in this case, dogs, in a "creative" way that is far from the typical grooming (which, last time I checked, consisted of a bath, a towel dry and maybe a little dogscaping of the fur). Behold! Cindy, the creatively groomed dog!

Well, cock-a-poodle-do. Good hell, where do I start? This is Cindy. Cindy, contrary to what you might be thinking, is a freaking DOG. In fact, she is a poodle. However, in the photo above, she has been "creatively groomed" to look like a cockerel. For those who did not grow up on a farm (or were content to just learn what a chicken was and not bother with the rest of the names), I will tell you that a cockerel is a young male of the domestic chicken. Behold! A cockerel that is not altered to look like a dog:

See the resemblance? Yeah, unfortunately, so did I.

Cindy the poodle belongs to a one Sandy Hartness of Yucaipa Valley, CA. She is apparently at the top of the heap when it comes to those who make their dogs look like anything but dogs. She has "creatively groomed" Cindy the dog there to look like many, many different animals (and objects, in some cases). And sadly, she is not the only one doing this. And it didn't just start, either.

Apparently, this "creative grooming" thing first got it's start during the 1980s. I guess someone dyed their dog green for the All American Grooming Show and it just sort of evolved from there. Next thing you know, you've got dogs looking like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles competing at SuperGroom 2007 in Vegas. Wait. What?

In case you were wondering, the dog is the only one that is dyed and "creatively groomed". I really do not know what to say about this. It's a dog that looks like a comic book turtle and it's on purpose! I don't get it.

At SuperGroom 2007, there were 15 "creative groomers" participating with their "creatively groomed" dogs. They use something called a Blo Pen to apply the dye to the dogs in the manner that best fits whatever ridiculous persona (dogsona?) they are crafting the animal into. It's kind of like airbrushing. Only it's with dye and it's on dogs and it's to dye them any color that is not dog colored. (If you're unfamiliar with what "dog color" would consist of, look at a dog that has not been dyed, bleached, tanned or altered in any way. THAT color that you see? THAT is dog colored. Dog color does not consist of pink, purple, blue, green or any other color of the freaking rainbow.)

Above is what appears to be Cindy in the "Walk Like An Egyptian Dog That Now Looks Like a Camel" get up. Although I'm glad the dog isn't pink, I can't say that I'm thrilled with this either. Have you noticed that Cindy looks rather confused in the majority of these pictures? Confused and overly complacent (probably due to years of playing dress-up with Sandy).

And here we have the Puff the Magic DragDog (or something like that). Um, words really do fail me. Although Cindy doesn't look quite so confused in this one. She seems to know that this is a bit much. I have to hand it to the dog, though. From the pictures that I see of Sandy, she seems to have all of her limbs as well as the fact that she doesn't seem to be sporting any puncture wounds or visible scarring. If I were that dog, I couldn't guarantee that would be the case. But somehow, this dog manages to not shred the woman to bits each time she has a "vision" for a new outfit.

:::sigh::: OK, one more time. They're dogs! The only color they should be is dog colored! The only thing they should look like is a dog! They should never, ever resemble a camel, a dragon, a cockerel (or any other member of the chicken family), a peacock (or a pea hen), a turtle (teenage, mutant, ninja, or otherwise) or anything other than a dog!

And for cryin' out loud, they most certainly should never look like this:

Take me to your breeder.

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