Tuesday, June 10, 2008

WTF? CNN Is There.

From the fine folks over there at CNN.com (who have clearly lost their way and do not appear to be finding the path back to useful journalism depicting the news and time soon) we learn that a chicken, yes, a CHICKEN, a chicken has been captured outside of the McDonald's in Temecula, California. Everyone breathe a collective sigh of relief. Nobody panic. Wait. What?

From the files of WTF, it would seem that an "elusive chicken" had taken up residence outside of the McDonald's. (Well, if I'M a chicken, I sure as hell don't want to be IN the McDonald's with all of the knives and deep fryers around me, that's for sure.) Oh, but there's more! The "article" continues with, "For four months customers tried unsuccessfully to catch the brown hen using bait or bare hands." OK, wait a minute. The customers were trying to catch the bird?! NOT those who work at the McDonald's?! So, the workers didn't care enough about the brown hen squatting (probably literally, too) at the McDonald's to do anything about it, but the customers took it upon themselves to go after the bird? For four months? And it says that they were "using bait". Chicken bait? What kind of "bait" does one use for a "chicken"? (Why am I thinking that somehow Wile E. Coyote was involved in this?) Was there a rod and reel involved? A tackle box, perhaps? They might not have the Playland, but they do have the EBH, the Elusive Brown Hen!

But the EBH's free run of the place came to an abrupt end last week. It seems that after four months, the EBH was finally captured after it prepared to go to sleep one night on top of the drive-through window box. It would also seem that this is not the first, nor only time that the EBH has roosted there for the night. Which makes it even more perplexing as to how no one could catch it for four months. It's RIGHT THERE! But finally, "A group of employees distracted the bird with bites of hamburger bun and nabbed it." Did that idea suddenly occur to them only four months after the initial appearance of the EBH? Apparently so. (Either that or the customers said they weren't going to chase it around any more, so the workers formed a united front to, once and for all, capture the flightless fowl.)

The manager of the McDonald's said that downfall of the EBH was due to it being a little bit too comfortable hanging out around the drive-thru. The article says that, "Since the chicken arrived, customers often found themselves waiting to order their McNuggets while the bird blocked the drive-through lane." (Make it stop. Just make it stop.) The manager said, "Normally, the chicken sleeps in the bushes." So they know where it hangs out during the day, they know where it sleeps at night and yet, for four months, the EBH ruled the roost (pun totally intended)?

The "article" goes on the state that the EBH "won't end up on the menu. It has been sent to live as a pet with other chickens at the home of a restaurant worker." Wait. What?

There's an employee with what sounds to be more than one pet chicken at his home?!?! And still, four months? Do I even want to know why the McDonald's worker has what sounds like a chicken refuge for wayward egg-laying birds at his residence? Actually, no. I don't.

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