Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Easy To Miss Signs You're Addicted To Porn

Like lists? Like useless lists? Then you're going to love this: "The Eight Signs Your Partner Is Addicted To Porn." (And sadly, this story was picked up by Fox News, The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC and the Associated Press, just to name a few. And this time, they're not the "fine folks" over at any of those establishments. Today, they're just morons.)

Before I get into their eight signs, I'm just going to guess at a few of them. Let's see....where to begin....Oh, I know!
  • Number One: Looks at a lot of porn.

  • Number Two: Looks at a lot of porn!
  • Number Three: Porn, porn, porn!

Now the really sad part is that you'd think I'd be pretty close with those three guesses there. Sadly, I am not. These eight signs are coming from the Fox News Sexpert, a one Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright. She is a sex educator, relationship expert, and a columnist, just to name a few of the things that she does. She is also the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots." (And if you'll excuse me for a moment, I just remembered I need to browse Amazon.com for a moment. Be right back.)


OK, where was I? Right, eight signs of PPA, Partner Porn Addiction (PPA is also the abbreviation for the Poker Player's Alliance because "Poker Is Not A Crime. Join The Fight." But here, just porn.) Now, I should probably warn you that these eight signs could be eight signs of just about anything. If your partner has just one or two of them, I don't think I'd be so quick to blame the porn (especially if there is no porn).

Now, according to the Sexpert, "Many people are completely in the dark that their partner likes porn, much less has a serious relationship with it. Ignorant as to any issue, they trust their lover unconditionally." Well, let's clear some things up then if people are this clueless. Ladies, your man likes porn. If you think he doesn't, you're wrong. And men, your ladies all know (well, now they do) that you like porn. OK, what's next?

One more thing. This list seems to imply that it is the man that has the problem with pornography. It doesn't say anything or imply anything about the woman having a problem with pornography. Women can be addicted to porn too, can't they? NO! Of course not. It's just the men who love their porn. (Don't get me wrong. It's not like women don't look at porn or don't like porn. They do. I'm looking at porn right now. But men love porn. Women? Eh.) Now, onward!
  • Your partner is not as social as he used to be. (Because he's locked in a closet looking at porn with a flashlight.)

  • Your partner lacks interest in sex or is sexually unresponsive. (Before your go blaming the porn, I'll tell you right now, if you're just going to lay there, they're going to lose interest. And the porn will just lay there too, but it won't bitch at him because he didn't take out the garbage.)

  • Your partner is being uncharacteristically demanding or rough during sex. (Again, before you go blaming the porn, define "demanding" and "rough", because "For God's sake, don't just lie there!" isn't really "demanding" per se.)

  • Your partner does not seem “present.” (I'm beginning to notice a trend here. None of these symptoms involve PORN!)

  • Your partner has started to nit-pick your appearance. (If he's doing this whilst looking at porn, ie, "Why can't you be more like HER? And HER? Together!", then it could be cause for alarm.)

  • You feel like you’re no longer getting straight answers from your lover. (You can't put the "Do you like porn?" "No." conversation in this category.)

  • Your partner is practically wed to the Internet. (Finally! One that makes sense! After all, I'm pretty sure that the Internet was invented specifically TO view porn. Oh, and maybe some business stuff too. But mostly porn. Porn, porn, porn.)

  • You’ve noticed a change in your partner’s demeanor. (If this demeanor change involves your partner not being social, being uncharacteristically demanding when being sexually unresponsive during sex that they're not present for, all the while nit-picking your appearance, lying AND looking at porn online, well then, you might have a problem on your hands. Yeah, pun totally intended.)
These can be symptoms of a lot of things, not just PORN addiction. Let me simplify this just a little bit. If your partner has porn, that's normal. If your partner looks at porn, that's normal. If your partner always looks at porn (and he has a job) that might not be so normal (nor profitable). But I don't see any reason to make it all complicated with the Eight Steps Down The Pathway to Pornographic Hell that the Sexpert outlines. (And if dude doesn't have ALL eight signs, it's not porn. This is one of those all or nothing sort of things. Much like the porn itself.)

So, briefly, let's review. What did we learn? Correct, there are several different signs that your partner may be addicted to porn and they must show all eight of them to be a certified pervert porn addict. And if you can't remember all eight, you can just remember these three which will, basically, simplify the list and produce an accurate assessment as to whether or not there is a PPA present. Those three? You got it.

PORN! PORN! PORN!

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1 comment:

Goddess said...

dear mare, your outlook on life is great, everyone is entitled to their point of veiw and i think yours is another way to go, so Way To Go. keep up the good work,