Tuesday, June 17, 2008

I'm A Dinner Jacket

President Bush had issued a statement in regard to what the US (which somehow became the world's policeman, defeater of evil and the enforcer of truth and justice) has in mind when and if the time comes to deal with Iran. See, the deal with Iran, aside from them hating us (and our not being overly fond of them. Yeah, that hostage thing in '79 really hurt some feelings.) is that Iran is run by a crazy person.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is the President of Iran. His name can be difficult to pronounce, so here's a little tip. First name: Mah-MOOD. You can remember that by thinking about your mood at the time or you can pretend your mother is a cow and she just mooed. Your choice. Last name: Ahmadinejad. The easiest way to remember how to pronounce that is that it sounds remarkably similar to "I'm a Dinner Jacket". Ah-ma-dinn-e(r)-jahd(ket). I'm a Dinner Jacket. Granted, he's always wearing that sporty Members Only windbreaker all the time and NOT a dinner jacket, but you'll immediately sense something is wrong if you hear yourself uttering the words, "Mahmoud MembersOnlyDahd."

President Bush said that "all options are on the table" when it comes to options for dealing with Iran if they insist on continuing to build a nuclear weapon while they are denying that they are building a nuclear weapon. Now, before I get into the "all options are on the table", a word about the nuclear weapon building going-ons in Iran. While a sand country run by a crazy man is never a good situation no matter who you are, you have to assess the situation within the context that it occurs. In this case, the competency and effectiveness of the nuclear weaponry building in Iran. Here is a photo from Time magazine which depicts a couple of Iranian "scientists" (I'm using that term loosely. They could be the janitors for all I know.) working on a "reactor". (Again, using the term loosely. VERY loosely.) What the hell is it?

While it's definitely a good idea to be concerned about Iran or any other sand country with a crazy leader getting a nuclear weapon, the picture above definitely means that I won't be losing any sleep over it. Let's see, the floor is glowing purple, there is a red splotch on the wall, a folding chair or table against the other wall, towels on the floor and two guys wearing janitor coveralls with head coverings that were probably used during the filming of the OR scene in the last M*A*S*H episode. Yep, I sleep just fine after seeing that.

So nothing is off the table, eh, GW? That's good. Because there are a lot of ways that we have to choose from to settle this thing and I have some suggestions.

  • Rock, Paper, Scissors (Someone explain to GW that "scissors" is not the same as "gun".)

  • Potato sack races (preferably on the White House lawn)

  • Battleship (If Battleship isn't available, you can always play US Nuclear Warship vs. Iranian tugboats. Same outcome.)

  • H.O.R.S.E. (Across the desert, over Tehran, off a couple of turbans, nothing but net.)

  • Who can hold their breath the longest? (They both have so much hot air, this one could take a while.)

  • And what is definitely my first choice and what could possibly be my all time favorite: Guitar Hero Showdown!

OK, seriously, how cool would that be? Very, that is correct. Look, I kid, but really, the last thing we need is a repeat of "The Attempted Democracizing of the Middle East Through the Overthrow of a Crazy Dictator" debacle of yore. So although all options are on the table, could you guys at least just TRY the Guitar Hero thing? Just once? It can't hurt. Hey, the Aerosmith version comes out this month! Maybe wait for that and then play? (Oh, hey, that's right. That release IS later this month. Hmmm....Well, not only could Guitar Hero - Aerosmith be responsible for two countries coming together, it could also end up being responsible for the temporary disappearance of a certain blogger. But in only the most awesome of ways that only Guitar Hero can provide.)

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Lace said...

i love the irony of imadinnerjacket being chosen as kyle from south park.. the jew lmao

Mare said...

Hey, Lace.

Finally! It took a couple of years, but someone FINALLY noticed that! My faith in humanity has been restored.

Thanks for reading!

~ Mare

Anonymous said...

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Mare said...

Hey, bijewrit.

I tried loading the post and it loaded the entire way for me. Perhaps try a different browser? If that doesn't work and you're interested in how it turns out, email me and I'll email you the rest of the post (after I figure out why the *@#$! thing doesn't load correctly).

Thanks for reading (what you could)!

~ Mare

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Mare said...

Hey, cheap viagara 100mg.

Thanks for the compliments!

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