Tuesday, June 17, 2008

I Love Alec Baldwin


A while back, I did a post about Alec Baldwin and how I really liked the guy because he seemed like an intelligent guy who could convey what he was feeling or what was going on with him in a very articulate manner that was clear and effective and, at the same time, hil-arious. The man is speaking out again and like before, he does not disappoint.

For some reason, Baldwin was talking to the New York Post. (Yes, talking. Not screaming. I found it odd myself.) During that chat, he was asked why he has a "reputation for being a hothead?"

Now, before I get to Alec's answer, I'm going to surmise that possibly, just possibly, it has something to do with when he refers to his ex-wife's (the slightly insane, not as hot as she used to be Kim Basinger) attorney as one having the appearance of "a 300-pound homunculus with a face that is like a cross between a bulldog and a clenched fist." Or perhaps it is a result of his response to his ex-wife comparing him to Saddam Hussein when he said, "Do I hide myself in cramped underground quarters? Do I like to shoot firearms in a celebratory way? Did I execute whole villages of people and bulldoze their bodies into a pit? What are you saying? Explain this to me." A funny man who is well versed AND up to date with his current events. Excellent. Either of those or a number of other well versed, coherent phrases that make it difficult for most anyone (especially most anyone in the Hollywood scene) to have any sort of retort besides, "I know you are but what am I?" I mean, seriously. Do you think Kim Basinger didn't have to ask around for the definition of homunculus? I'm pretty sure she did.

So, Baldwin's response to the "Aren't you a hothead?" inquiry went like this: "Well, if you have four bad days in four straight years, then all four of them are depicted in the media, then yeah. The other 360 days of the year, when you're just handing out lollipops and riding unicorns through cotton-candy forests and everything's so magical, they don't report that." Yep. Pretty sure I'm in love with the guy.

Of course he was referring to the highly inappropriate and loathsome (and also regretful) voice mail message that he left for his 11-year old daughter where he repeatedly ripped her a new one and called her, well, let's just say it wasn't good. It wasn't even close to good. And it was beyond wrong. And he knows this and he knew this. He appears to have a deep regret for what he did and, like he said when he was on 60 Minutes with the surprisingly still alive Morley Safer, he was angry and frustrated and said something he shouldn't have and he's never going to do it again. And he hasn't. (I am dying to hear a voice mail message that he has left for his daughter since then, however. Only because he told Morley that if he ever had to leave another message, you could bet that, after that incident, it was going to be a charming song. "How..are you...today? My little darling?!" That would be hil-arious.)

Alec is working on a book about "parental alienation" that arises out of ugly divorce proceedings (working title is "A Promise to Ourselves: Fatherhood, Divorce and Family Law.") I am not married, I don't plan on being married (sorry, Gavin), I don't know why anyone would want children, and as for fatherhood, well, that's never happening either. Therefore, my need to read such a book for it's content is almost none. But my desire to read such a book that was written from a guy with such an accurate and humorous opinion of things is huge.

And Baldwin is great on "30 Rock". Absolutely hil-arious. The man can deadpan a line probably better than any current actor or actress right now. But it sounds as if he might be thinking about leaving "30 Rock". "I've done this now for a long time and I've enjoyed it, and the TV show is the greatest job I've ever had. But I just feel like there's other things I want to do. I'm tired. The business has changed. You turn around one day, like me -- I'm 50 and I don't want to work as much. I used to be all about work, and now I'm burnt out. I really don't like working." Yeah, that doesn't sound like he's going to be sticking around much longer, does it? Sadness, indeed. But not for long! The guy hints at maybe running for some sort of office. YES!




Before I go further into that thought, if he does run for something, and I'm hoping Senator, C-SPAN should really throw all of their backing behind him because their ratings will SOAR. The "C" in C-SPAN will stand for "Comedy" with him speaking. And it will also stand for "Correct" as I have yet to hear him voice his opinions on situations that are whack-a-do or wrong. So he's funny, he's articulate, he's intelligent AND he's reasonable. Where do I vote for this guy for anything?


Don't believe me? The clip below exemplifies the man's comedic genius. Imagine him in the Senate. Changing seats with everyone. Talking in their voice. Even bringing in the annoying neighbors who always tell you to "Keep it down!" I'm telling you, C-SPAN should make him their poster child for life if he becomes a Senator.



Here's an example of how he sees the Presidential race. And keep in mind, this guy is a "lifelong Democrat and leans toward the liberal side. (And when I say "leans toward", it means that he's leaning over to the liberal side so far that his ear is almost touching the ground.) "This country needs a change, but I'm not sure if a man named Obama can get it. It's like marketing, like buying laundry soap, soda or corn chips. Will they buy McCain or Obama? What sounds right? A critical mass of Americans don't think beyond that. They do indeed choose presidents like they do laundry soap." Yep. I DO love him.

"A critical mass of Americans don't think beyond that." Thank YOU! Does this sound like someone who is in touch with how things work in this country? It sounds like it to me. He knows that, in the end, it's not about who is the better choice. It's not about who has been built up to be the better choice. He knows that it's going to be about what Americans feel comfortable with. (By the way, Alec, since I know you're reading this, you're going to have to step the vocabulary down just a bit for that "critical mass of Americans" you mention. Either that or start leaving dictionaries in hotel rooms like those Giddeon folks do with the Bibles. They're all going to have to look up homunculus.)

So let me tell you, I don't feel comfortable with EITHER guy we have to choose from right now. We have the guy from the hardware store that makes the keys (that description compliments of David Letterman) and, what is the other guy? Irish? O'Bama, right? So we have a senior citizen key maker and an Irishman to choose from and I don't know that either one is qualified to do much. (I heard Perot is back somewhere and he brought his charts with him! Where is he when we need him?) So Baldwin is right. The two camps have to market their product just like as if it were an advertising campaigns for laundry detergent. Though in the end, I highly doubt that any of us are going to feel squeaky clean. Too much politics and I feel like I need a shower.

And for his own marketing campaign to sell "Baldwin! The Smart Talkin', Good Lookin', Brain Thinkin', Change Makin' Candidate You Can Trust!"? Baldwin addresses that by saying, "I would, but only in the sense that I would say to people: 'Assume I've done everything. I want you to assume I've had sex with animals, that I've imbibed every kind of drink, that I've poured absinthe on my corn flakes during a period of time. I've done every debauched, filthy, insidious .. everything. Just assume that for the argument, and now -- next question.' " Halle-e-freaking lu-llah, honey, I'm home!

Perfect. Find out all of the crap you can about him, know that it's there, then once you've had that morbid curiosity sated, then you can focus on everything else. Once you know about the drink imbibing, the absinthe flakes in the morning, the bestiality (with real beasts), the debauchery, the filthy, the insidiousness of it all, once you know all of that, you pretty much have to assume the closet is empty and the guy has nothing to hide. What's left to focus on? What he has to say. Exactly.

And although his marriage ended, um, not well, he's open for a change. He said, "I've been single for seven years and as I get older, I think all I want is to be loved. The world becomes a place where you think, let everyone else have it. Let them all fight over jobs and money ... You want things in life that are lovely." A wise man, that Alec Baldwin. Now, I don't know if I'd be Alec Baldwin's "type". (Apparently, it's very important that someone be someone's "type". Without that, apparently, it's pointless. If you're not that "type", well, some people are unable to move past that and pay attention to everything else that IS their "type". So you must be their "type". "Type", very important to some. So find out at the beginning if you're the other person's "type" so you're not wasting time.) But if I weren't, I'm sure that he could see past that (some people can; other people, not so much, apparently) and realize that I would be an excellent addition to his existence. (I'm probably more suited for the role of "campaign manager" as opposed to "one to frolic with" in the case of Alec Baldwin, but I'd still really, really like the job.)

Whenever you're ready, Alec, I'm ready too. This blog publicly announces that it supports Alec Baldwin in anything he does.

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