Wellies A Pig

Definitely a slow news day in Thirsk, North Yorkshire (that's in England). That has to be why the good people across the pond at the Mail Online decided to run with the story about the pig that suffers from mysophobia, otherwise known as the fear of dirt. Wait. What?

It seems that a little pig (otherwise known as a piglet) named Cinders (short for Cinderella, the reason for Cinderella won't be much clearer later on, but it will be later) was delivered to the farm of Andrew and Debbie Keeble, who run the award-winning "Debbie and Andrew's" sausage company. (I'll let you figure out what the pig's role was going to be at the company. Let's just say it wasn't going to be Human Resources.) Cinders arrived with her six brothers and sisters (otherwise known as Bacon, Ham, Pork Chop, Sausage Link & Sausage Patty (the twins), and Roast.). Those pigs did what pigs do (before becoming the tastiest of the salted breakfast meats) and played in the mud. Cinders, definitely the odd duck of the pig family, stayed on the sidelines and watched. (Begin "Pay attention music".) Cinders was stricken with (da-da-duh-dduummmm...) mysophobia, a fear of dirt. (And...CUT!)

Yes, mysophobia is the fear of dirt. However, it is generally thought of as the fear of dirt due to the fear of getting germs or some sort of contamination. That is typically where the "fear of dirt" stems from. I highly doubt that's the case with this little piggy who stayed home and wouldn't go in the mud. But they're calling is mysophobia over there and so I will too. (I see no need to cause problems with English, as I'm very fond of their muffins.)

The article in the Daily Mail goes on to say that Cinders owners, Andrew and Debbie "were at a loss, until they remembered the four miniature wellies used as pen and pencil holders in their office." Sure, they were at a loss with what to do with their mysophobic piglet, but I was at a loss with what in the heck "wellies" were. Apparently, a "wellie" is a Wellington boot. They're made out of rubber. I guess they call them "wellies" because, well, they're English and that's what they do. Why they had a bunch of miniature wellies is beyond me. But nonetheless they did and the story continues.

So Andrew took the four wellies and put them on Cinders little hooves and off she went to frolic in the mud. Now, every morning, she runs over to greet him so he can put her little pig boots on so that the precious little snowflake won't get herself all dirty. The Keeble's said that they named her Cinders after Cinderella and her magical glass slippers. I see not at all how that is related to the pig in the boots. Cinderella had wicked stepsisters, Cinders has siblings that will one day be slaughtered. Cinderella did chores and cleaned, Cinders just wanted to BE clean. And the most subtle differences: Cinderella was a girl; Cinders is a PIG. (I just thought I'd point that out. It was apparently a detail that was lost on those who named her.)

But don't worry about having a side of Cinders next time you're having a hankerin' for the Grand Slam at Denny's (or the Moons over My Hammy). Even though they've been pig farmers for 20 years, Cinders will be their pet. (Awww...) I'm figuring they must be pretty sympathetic toward a pig who is afraid of dirt. Below is a picture of Andrew and Debbie. Judging from their own footwear, I'd say that Cinders isn't the only one on that farm suffering from mysophobia.

But here is where the foreign press fails miserably in an area much like the press in the US. The article states, "They are using her to front a campaign to give a better deal to pig farmers." That's it. Wait. What?

What does that mean? How is a pig that wears rubber shoes going to be able to convince someone somewhere to give pig farmers (who want to kill pigs just like the one wearing the rubber shoes) a better deal? Huh? But does the Daily Mail explain? Nooooo. It's things like this that keep me up at night.

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