Monday, November 10, 2008

Kim Jong Probably Still IL

North Korea released some more photos of their 'Dear Leader' Kim Jong IL the other day. Sadly, they show that the North Koreans have still not gotten any better at Photoshop. They keep releasing these photos which have some pretty obvious flaws in them, yet the fact that despite that they still continue to release them makes me assume that they really believe that they're pretty darn tricky. My money is on the guy being dead. Already. And for a while.

Here we have the latest photos that aren't quite right (just like the folks who released them). This one shows Kim Jong IL standing in the middle of some very neatly arranged troops. You should be able to click on all of the photos and have them enlarge in their own, convenient window for larger and easier viewing.

The folks across the pond at the BBC put together a nice little diagram of some of the more obvious flaws in this photo. They point out the black line that runs behind everyone but the 'Dead Dear Leader'. They also show the mismatched pixels around his shoe and how the shadow of Kim Jong IL doesn't quite match up with the rest of the North Korean Shadow World there. (Now, is it just me, or are they all wearing Russian hats?)

And it's not like they haven't released a picture prior to this one that looks almost identical with the exception of the dried grass that they seem to be standing on and the multi-storied, residential looking building in the background . It too is missing the elusive black line. Behold!

It's when I started looking at the photo above that I noticed some other things that were really odd. (Odd in the sense that I found them strange. Stranger than having troops assembled for a class photo in front of what appears to be some sort of apartment complex behind them. As a citizen, I would find it a bit unnerving to look out my window and see the sight above. Just a bit. Then again, I'd also find it unnerving to look out my window and see North Korea, as when I look out my window now, North Korea is not there.)

As I looked in the area that I've circled below, it was obvious that the photo is not of the best quality. And for good reason. It kind of occurred to me that it didn't seem likely that those were actually people standing there all straight and neat. No, that appears to be a screaming Alfalfa from the Little Rascals. (And do you blame him? I'd scream too if I were Alfalfa and I suddenly found myself as a North Korean soldier on Picture Day.) There seem to be a lot of Alfalfas in that row. And below him and to the right a little bit, that soldier looks like a porcelain doll head!

And look, whether you think it's Alfalfa or not, you have to admit, those aren't human heads. Those do not look like regular people, pixelated all over the place or not. But look at their feet over there on the right hand side also (pic below). Those feet are walking the other way! Was it the Communist Photoshop Guy's first day? Dude, that's Secret Korean Empire Fake Picture Making 101!! Everyone knows to make all of the feet walk the right way. (If I look at it long enough, it starts to remind me of some of the Civil War pictures. The US Civil War!)

Seriously, why would you do that? Why would you have pictures that you're releasing for the purpose of trying to convince the world that your pompadoured, possibly crazy, probably dead, Communist leader is alive and well and not turn their feet around the right way? Do they not have 'Zoom' or 'Enlarge' in North Korea? Judging from Kim Jong IL's hair, they DO!

Has anyone been able to explain the L.L. Bean jacket or the Eddie Bauer coat or whatever that is that he's always wearing? It's like he's receiving fashion tips from I'm A Dinner Jacket over there in Iran with the Members Only windbreaker that he's always sporting.

I'm telling you, the guy is not well. If he had a stroke in August which was followed by brain surgery and now he's just up and out and about and inspecting troops all over the place, well then, North Korea is the new leader in stroke treatment and recovery. Not to mention the Noggin Surgery Capital of the World. IF, I said. IF all that has happened. I don't think it has, so wherever the current Noggin Surgery Capital of the World is, it's safe.

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