Sunday, November 2, 2008

Spreading Germs in English

Whilst perusing the news over yonder in Germany at The Local (Germany's News In English), I noticed one of the little AdSense ads at the bottom that read: "Cool German Apparel - Get German Apparel and Gifts for your kids, friends and family." Wow. And while I'm really not in the market for any kind of apparel for my non-existent children, my dwindling pool of friends or those other people that I'm technically related to, I was curious as to what "Cool German Apparel" would consist of. (I was also curious as to what "German Apparel" would consist of, because I was guessing it was something other than those armbands with swastikas on them.) Thus, I clicked.

"Cool German Apparel" seems to be the main staple of a Cafe Press store called Spread Germanisms. While I do find that kind of quaint and a tad humorous, I really don't care to think of spreading germs when I'm looking for new apparel. Especially when it's new apparel that's supposed to be all German and all cool and stuff. The "Germanisms" that the site seems to want one to "spread" sure did make me wonder about what goes on over there in Germany. If the German folks are actually wearing shirts like these over there, then the whole country is like the cast of a very large, somewhat funny, medium budget movie with lots of jokes pertaining to anatomies of both genders and many more jokes pertaining the what the anatomies of both genders to to each other and often to one's own self.

And while I did learn some new German words, I didn't really know any old German words and I highly doubt that I'll have many opportunities to use the new ones. In fact, I'll bet that I'll use the new ones about as often as I used the old ones that I didn't know. That is to say, never. But who knows? Maybe you'll have a use for them. By the way, the definitions are the doings of the "Spread Germanisms" folks. They certainly weren't my concoction.

  • Zicke - bitch, women with bad attitude (Yeah, I kind of got the "bad attitude" part right after I read "bitch". It's the same in any language.)

  • Hengst - Stud, Stallion, also guy who has the "magic" to get any chick he wants (Those who think that they are the "stud" or "stallion" are the ones who SO do not have the "magic" to get that chick he wants. He'd have to be nothing short of David Freaking Copperfield to get some of those chicks out there.)

  • Busenwunder - tit wonder, knocker marvel, busty sensation (Ah, yes, the wonder of the busen. You know, I can't really say that I've seen many shirts in the US that say "Tit Wonder" or "Knocker Marvel". And I think I'm little surprised by that, actually.)

  • Betthupferl - bedtime sweets or snacks (OK, like what? Are we talking cookies or hookers?)

  • Banause - A person that is said to despise or undervalue art, beauty, intellectual content, and/or spiritual values (Is this like an all-or-nothing thing? I pretty much always undervalue art, but only because I can't ever tell what the heck it is or which way to hang it! But that's no reason to judge now, is it? Let's hope not.)

  • Liebeskummer - lovesickness, so deeply affected by love as to be unable to act normally (Um, no comment.)

  • Schlawiner - cheeky monkey (I'm unfamiliar with the term "cheeky monkey" as it pertains to those in Germany. I am quite familiar with the term "chickie monkey" as it pertains to those (or one) in the US, but I have no idea if they're the same.)

  • Dummkopf - dumb-head: stupid person, dumbbell, blockhead, fool (I like how they include five different synonyms for the word that means "moron". As if we are the morons they're referring to. And do they really say "dumb-head" in Germany? Are they all 5?)

  • Suffkopf - a drunken person who acts like an idiot (Not to be confused with the loads of drunken people who do not act like idiots.)

  • Fräuleinwunder - young woman wonder, old-school for spectacular young German woman (Not to be confused with the other "wunders" on the list, nor to be confused with a "young wonder woman", because while still very, very pleasant, it's a totally different "wunder".

  • Raufbold - roughneck, hoodlum, streetwise toughguy (A "streetwise toughguy"? Lest we get confused with a non-streetwise toughguy or a streetwise wimp-ass? Thanks for the all inclusiveness, but we got it.)

  • Lebemann - rake or man about town (I have no idea how a "rake" and a "man about town" are the same thing. One's a garden implement and the other is not. And really, I don't know what a "man about town" is at all. Pick a town, any town, and you'll find several "men" about it.)

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