Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Hurry Up And Vote Already!

Finally! Oh, my God, finally! It is Election Day in the United States and I cannot say this loud enough, get out there and effing vote! Hurry! Just get it over with. Vote early, vote often! (Oh, but I kid! One ballot per person!) I read somewhere that Barry has been campaigning for right around 640 days. That means that you and I and everyone else had to read or hear about every single freaking one of those 640 days. And I for one am not thinking about making it 641. No way, I have had it! I am over this thing! The country could slip into a state of prolonged anarchy and I'd be OK with it as long as I didn't have to hear "My friends" or "Change" or "Lipstick" or (Seriously, where the hell is Joe Biden?).

And over here in the lovely extension of Mexico, otherwise known as California, it will mean the end, the glorious end to the Proposition 8 chaos that seems to have brought out the absolute worst in anyone who is willing to publicly associate themselves with it. Proposition 8 is the one that, if it passes it would essentially ban gay marriage. If it doesn't pass, then the legally sanctioned carnal fornication between homosexual couples will be allowed to continue.

I have to say I've been extremely disappointed by folks on both sides of the Prop 8 issue. Those who are in favor of Prop 8 (anti gay marriage folks) have been running ads, passing out flyers and spewing information that is bordering on fear mongering. They present their arguments as fact and as realistic possibilities when discussing the possible repercussions of Prop 8 failing and allowing gay couples to continue their hedonistic lifestyles. While I will credit them for expanding their focus wider than the tried and true "you're going to burn in hell" proclamation, they really should have not been so manipulative with their arguments.

And on the side of the folks who are against Prop 8, you folks just need to calm down. You can't be screaming at someone who is for Prop 8 that they are homophobic and anti-gay and full of, ironically, hate and rage and that they discriminate against homosexuals because they're bigots. First of all, don't scream. At anyone. It makes you look like an idiot. Second, just because someone is for Prop 8 doesn't mean that they're homophobic or that they hate homosexuals. Throwing around words like that when you are just angry only serves to make those whom you're hurling the words at angry. And a bunch of angry people who may or may not be either gay or homophobic is never a good thing. (Unless you need an angry mob, in which case it will work just fine.)

And both sides, listen up. Stop stealing each other's signs, for cryin' out loud! What are you? Ten? Don't steal their sign! What is wrong with you people? You want those who are not on your side of the issue to agree with you and the way that you do that is by stealing the other side's sign? Oh, I'm sure that's a great way to get them to see that you're perfectly reasonable and they should be clamoring to climb atop your soap box. No, not so much. This could be not pleasant after the polls have closed, I'm afraid. Regardless of which side wins, the side that does not win needs to keep it's head and act in a dignified way. Put the torches and pitchforks away and accept your loss under our fabulous and only slightly flawed Democratic system.

So vote how you want on Prop 8, but just be a grown up about it, OK? Next up...chickens.

Yes, chickens. Prop 2 is basically giving chickens that are raised for egg production room to move around. Apparently, some of these egg laying chickens are shoved into a little tiny cage where they can't even move their useless wings. That's just wrong. And I was implored yesterday by a very reasonable individual who felt very strongly that Prop 2 should pass so that the chickens can roam about the coop and continue to shoot out eggs all the live long day. (I'd really like the meet the guy who first ate an egg. How that guy had the guts to do that, I'll never know. Think about it. He's sitting there. He sees the chicken lay an egg. He thinks to himself, "Wow. Look at where that came from. I know, I'll EAT it!" Nope, the incredible, edible egg would have gone unnoticed had I been predestined to be the first egg eater, I'll tell you that right now.)

And it's not just chickens, though that's the easiest example to put out there. It's all animals that are involved in the production of themselves for food . They all need room to move around before we kill them and eat them. Think of it as our way of saying, "Sorry that we're going to be doing that to you in a little while, but you're so damned tasty, we really don't have a choice. But we'll let you move around a bit until it's time to off you." See? When it's put that way, it seems way more humane, doesn't it?

But aside from giving the little chickies and other animals room to move, it will ease the anxieties of my Prop 2 friend, who claims to be kept up at night, whether it be from not being able to sleep or from nightmares of chickens in squashed cages with a large Fagan-like character shouting at them to lay their eggs faster. You don't want any of those things. No squashed chickens. No yelling. No animal loving friend of mine kept up at night worrying about flightless fowl. It works out for everyone. (How'd I do?)

Now get! Get! Go effing vote already! It's almost over!

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