Friday, November 21, 2008

The New And Improved Barter System

OK, fine. I take it back.

I take back what I said about people not putting time and effort into communicating online. Yeah, I totally take that back because I've learned there is at least one individual out there who puts time AND effort (not to mention a heckuva lot of creativity) into his communications. Especially those communications with those from the collections department of a business to which his payment is overdue.

I speak of a one David Thorne. I don't know if he goes by Dave. He has a website called 27bslash6. He claims it's basically for his own amusement and to amuse his friends and also, on occasion, to annoy others. (I like the guy already) If you're like me, you have no idea what the heck that means. Whether or not the explanation will help you (it didn't help me very much) is yet to be seen. According to David, "The term "27Bstroke6" was used in the Terry Gilliam film Brazil, a dystopian black comedy from the '80s that has always been a favourite." That's nice. I like obscure.

David had let some account with some business (I'm assuming it's a legitimate business. I don't know if hookers or drug dealers run lines of credit with their clientele, but I'm going to assume they don't and, hence, assume the legitimacy of the business.) get past due. And as people who are owed money are want to do, they emailed David and asked for their money. They never say it like that for some reason. It's always all fluffy.

Dear Sir or Madam, (Who? Me?)

We noticed that your account was past due. (Huh. Hadn't noticed that.)

This letter is to inform you that your past due balance that you now owe is $146,286.97. (Uh-huh.)

Please remit this payment immediately. (Yeah, I'll get riiiiiight on that!)

Thank you and have a nice day. (FU.)

Why don't they just come out and say "Yo! Money please!" I don't know either, but they don't. But that didn't bother David. See, David is the kind of guy who will make a concerted effort to hold up his end of a deal. In this case, his end was the end that owed the other end money and even though he didn't have the money on his end, he still wanted to give the other end something. Even if it wasn't money. So David decided that he would make good on his promise to pay what he owed by sending them a drawing of a spider. Wait. What?

Correct. David drew a spider. (it only had 7 legs, but technically, it was a spider. It's not so much what the drawing looks like in the end, but rather the intent of the one who is doing all of the drawing. That's why paintings that are titled "Dog in Daytime" look like "Frog in Blender" and still manage to sell for a bazillion dollars. Intent. It's everything. To some.) Then David sent the spider drawing in an email when he replied to the initial email requesting that he cough up the dough that he owed them.

As you might surmise, this did not exactly bode well with the creditor. Even if we were on the barter system, a drawing of a spider with only seven legs is hardly what I would call something of substantiated value. Oh, don't get me wrong! It's fine drawing! Very good! Accurate. I knew it was a spider the moment I laid eyes on it. It just ain't worth much, is all I'm saying.

But what transpired what a series of email exchanges that David posted on his website for all to enjoy. And I did. Hopefully, you will too. We can learn a lot of things from David. But drawing 8-legged spiders is not one of them. Keep that in mind.

***********************
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,

Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely,

Jane Gilles

***********************
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.

Regards, David.


***********************
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,

Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

***********************
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.

Regards, David.

***********************

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,

You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

Yours sincerely,
Jane Gilles

***********************
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Yes please.

Regards, David.

***********************

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached (spider.gif)



***********************
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane,

Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

Regards, David.

***********************
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,

Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95. Please make this payment as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely,

Jane Gilles

***********************
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thank you for contacting me. I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

Regards, David.

***********************
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.

Regards, David.

***********************
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,

As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

Yours sincerely,

Jane Gilles

***********************
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definately make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.

Regards, David.

***********************
From: Jane Gilles

Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Attached

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1 comment:

blaza said...

HI
I am blazabes and I Like the barter
barter